Worst memory about being touched or looking in the eyes

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This is the first topic I've ever made, so please forgive me if I do something wrong.

Okay, I know a lot of you can't stand being touched, can't make eye contact, or both, and I was wondering if its caused as many problems with all of you that it has with me. For me, a lot of my life has been defined by having to pull away when touched or look away from people. My mom only discovered this year that being touched is a kind of pain for me and not just some weirdness, and I really wonder how she could have though that with the way I pull away from people.

Anyway, my worst memory about being touched is from when I was very little and my mom hadn't yet given up on eye contact. She told me to look at her when she was speaking, and when I couldn't she grabbed my head to make me look. She was trying to be gentle but I was desperate to get away and struggled really hard so then it hurt. When I realized that I couldn't get away I went limp, probably like small animals sometimes stop resisting when a predator catches them in their teeth, and caused myself pain by having my entire body supported by my mom's hands. She tried to make me look and put her head close to mine but I COULDN'T, so I looked so far into the corners of my eyes that that hurt, too. My mom was really just trying to be a good mom and probably thought I was trying to throw a tantrum, so I don't blame her, but I'll always remember that moment vividly.

So what about you?

My worst memory about being touched was a molestation when I was 13.

Nods. That's pretty horrendous alright.

I think the worst for me was when I had really bad OCD due to anxiety at school and a GP who came to the house threatened to touch me if I didn't calm down.

IMForeman wrote:

[quote]I think the worst for me was when I had really bad OCD due to anxiety at school and a GP who came to the house threatened to touch me if I didn't calm down.[b]

what an effing freak.

I hated and still hate being kissed, especially my hands (my grandma loves to do it).

Or when we were said to take other kids by hands and be in pairs.

I hated looking into peoples eyes, I remember, i looked at some guy when we was on the way to the bus stop, he looked at me chasing me that he wanted to beat me up and kill me and literally chasing me, that was so scary that i don't think i want to look into anyones eyes again.
I could of died and I was thinking I didn't belong into the planet plus girls in london are mean when a geeky boy looks at them, she threatened me aswell...

Those was the scarring moments of my life....

Being spanked for having a meltdown, then my parents wanting to hold me 5 minutes later while I was still screaming inside my head.

Ugh. When my mother was angry (which was a lot of the time), she used to have this glare. She'd fix me with her eyes like I was an insect on a pin. Sometimes she'd actually force my head up to meet her gaze if I tried to look away. And she often used to drag me, I mean literally, in front of mirrors to show me how awful I looked.

I had some guys grope me a little when I was in my teens, but I think I was unusual in that I was touch-hungry. I'd hardly ever been touched as a kid except when I was being groomed (I mean, in the hairdressing sense - and it was violent, not loving), and I couldn't really tell good from bad touch, if you know what I mean. Took me a very long time to work that stuff out.

Wow, I didn't know so many people had been touched in a wrong way...

I also have the feeling like I'm starving for physical contact sometimes, but aspergers prevents me from touching people, and if I do touch them, I can't enjoy it.

i cant stand being touched or eye contact. i had some meltdown a few weeks ago and my parents tried 2 touch me 2 calm me down obviously. that made it 10x worse. my parents = morons. and my mom always gives me this really evil glare. i feel like everythings about 2 end

Last edited by Volcanic on 13 Nov 2009, 7:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh wow . Just wow. I'm sure you've had plenty of people tell you that they're sorry for you and you're probably sick of hearing it by now, but I'm so sorry that happened. Being touched like that...the only thing I think could be worse than that is to be killed...

Getting pinned down by various authority figures ranks pretty high up there.

he way my mother looks at me when I have done or said something she considers to be bad.
It scared me as a child and it still scares me today, though I am more prone to get very angry these days if I catch the look.
It a way of staring that simply could not possibly be seen as anything other than angry.

Actually. what I experienced affected me very deeply and for years just thinking about it would bring up feelings of rage and shame, but what I experienced was nothing compared to what some others suffer. I wonder if the molesters have any idea of the damage they do. It wasn't until I was in my 30's and medicated that I could compartmentalize those feelings. Some people survive better than others. And it isn't about sex, it's about power. You take away a child's autonomy over the most private thing about themselves and you can expect long standing repercussions.

Mine was with my mum too.

When I was little and feverish one time (before I was diagnosed) she decided to sleep with me, and climbed into my bed, and fell asleep holding me tightly (with her arms wrapped around me).

I felt like I was suffocating and could barely breathe, but I agonized that I would get in trouble if I woke mum up, so I felt like I wasn't allowed to move, and lay there without moving an inch, barely breathing, with my eyes wide open the whole night long. Longest night of my life.

My worst was when I was younger and in school, when I looked a certain direction....I was told by the NTs to stop staring...I then resorted to looking down all the time....and have gotten so used to it, that it is what I do all the time when walking or writing notes during lectures in class.I have always not been good at making eye contact though, and it gets really annoying when teachers say you won't get a job if you can't make eye contact...but I have found a way around that ...by looking past the interviewer or at their face in general.
There is this one greeter at my workplace (I work at a store in Red Deer)..this guy is an old fat man who seems to think its ok to get into other people's personal space.Id be at the customer service counter getting something, writing on the price checker's sweep log, or some other paperwork I have to do...and hed come up and stand right beside me and be so close hes basically touching me...I move away and he steps back over into my space...He also has this thing of patting my back or shoulder....