This is why I cant go out in public anymore

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raisedbyignorance
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23 Nov 2009, 12:45 pm

So I went to the Wendy's near my school for lunch today, and apparently I've been going there more than usual because when I went to the counter to order, the cashier mustve recognized me as a frequent customer (though I never noticed him) because the first thing he asks me "why do you always look sad when you come in here?"

Yes...that is exactly what he asks me. Normally they should be asking for my order. Grr. So annoying and I try to explain to the guy that is fascially how I always am and he's like seriously? Maybe I should've just told him that I have autism but then again, it shouldnt be THAT hard to tell. Well he did apologize for being like that to me when he brought my order.

But seriously? They think people with AS are the one with poor social skills? This is the kind of stuff I have to put up with by NTs every f*ckin day of my life!

One time one of my roommate's friends whom I've never met before asked me why I was so mean.

And then there was an employee at Disney World who teasingly wouldnt let me keep moving in the line unless I smile.

I know that my facial issue (whatever the f*ck it is) is notable but does every NT really have to get on me for this?!

I have about 100000 people greet me with something along the lines of "you know, you're awfully quiet".

So much for saying "hi...my name is so and so". :roll:

Why do the NTs do this? Why cant they just start a normal conversation with me so I can show them I can sometimes talk and smile naturally like normal people instead of starting out being so criticizing and immediatly acknowledge every damn flaw with me? I'm sure they dont like it if an AS person were to do that with them.

I just cant stand it anymore! :x And to explain to everyone of them that I have AS would be pointless because it still wont change how ridiculous some of these NTs are when it comes to making coversation.



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23 Nov 2009, 12:54 pm

I used to get those comments all the time. I know how irritating it is for people to constantly come up to you and ask you what's wrong when the biggest thing on your mind at the moment is a mental grocery list. I don't get those comments anymore and the only difference is medication for chronic depression. Ironically, I don't smile a lot now either.


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Hobart
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23 Nov 2009, 1:05 pm

raisedbyignorance wrote:
So I went to the Wendy's near my school for lunch today, and apparently I've been going there more than usual because when I went to the counter to order, the cashier mustve recognized me as a frequent customer (though I never noticed him) because the first thing he asks me "why do you always look sad when you come in here?"

Yes...that is exactly what he asks me. Normally they should be asking for my order. Grr. So annoying and I try to explain to the guy that is fascially how I always am and he's like seriously? Maybe I should've just told him that I have autism but then again, it shouldnt be THAT hard to tell. Well he did apologize for being like that to me when he brought my order.

But seriously? They think people with AS are the one with poor social skills? This is the kind of stuff I have to put up with by NTs every f*ckin day of my life!

One time one of my roommate's friends whom I've never met before asked me why I was so mean.

And then there was an employee at Disney World who teasingly wouldnt let me keep moving in the line unless I smile.

I know that my facial issue (whatever the f*ck it is) is notable but does every NT really have to get on me for this?!

I have about 100000 people greet me with something along the lines of "you know, you're awfully quiet".

So much for saying "hi...my name is so and so". :roll:

Why do the NTs do this? Why cant they just start a normal conversation with me so I can show them I can sometimes talk and smile naturally like normal people instead of starting out being so criticizing and immediatly acknowledge every damn flaw with me? I'm sure they dont like it if an AS person were to do that with them.

I just cant stand it anymore! :x And to explain to everyone of them that I have AS would be pointless because it still wont change how ridiculous some of these NTs are when it comes to making coversation.


you should have said: I'm not the kind of person that walks around with a stupid grin on my face :D



Maggiedoll
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23 Nov 2009, 1:11 pm

I'm sure not everyone who works at Wendy's has dazzling social skills.. or is even NT. I mean the current statistic is that more 1 in 91 people in the US has an ASD, right? And for males, the number was 1 in 52, I believe? Something like that? Not to mention plenty of people who have sub-clinical AS symptoms or are just socially clumsy.. Maybe his social skills just suck.
My mom gets that all the time, too. I think a lot of people assumed it was my fault.



queenserenity22
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23 Nov 2009, 1:12 pm

In high school I was pestered by other people about why I didn't talk to anyone eventually I said that I don't talk because I don't like you and I don't talk to people I don't like. :roll:



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23 Nov 2009, 2:23 pm

Hobart wrote:
you should have said: I'm not the kind of person that walks around with a stupid grin on my face :D



:P Funny.


Seriously, you've gotta cut people some slack for trying to start a conversation with you. They're not trying to insult you, they're trying to draw you out because they WANT to have some interaction with you.

As often as I see young folks here on WP complaining about not being able to get dates, I'd think you'd take it as a compliment that someone went out of their way to make small talk with you. I know its awkward when a seemingly unanswerable question comes at you unexpectedly, but don't get mad. Just give them whatever smile you can muster and shrug. Or tell them

"I've got a lot on my mind" or

"Apparently I just have a serious face"

This happens to me quite frequently, too - not just remarks about my expression, but sudden small talk from strangers and store clerks when my mind is a million miles away, pondering things unrelated to where I am at that moment. Or conversational zig-zags that go in directions I was completely unprepared to consider, leaving me feeling mute and stupid. But I don't hold it against the person who was just trying to be friendly, 'cause I know its not their fault that I'm not deft at sprightly spontaneous conversation.



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23 Nov 2009, 3:13 pm

Willard wrote:
Hobart wrote:
you should have said: I'm not the kind of person that walks around with a stupid grin on my face :D



:P Funny.


Seriously, you've gotta cut people some slack for trying to start a conversation with you. They're not trying to insult you, they're trying to draw you out because they WANT to have some interaction with you.

As often as I see young folks here on WP complaining about not being able to get dates, I'd think you'd take it as a compliment that someone went out of their way to make small talk with you. I know its awkward when a seemingly unanswerable question comes at you unexpectedly, but don't get mad. Just give them whatever smile you can muster and shrug. Or tell them

"I've got a lot on my mind" or

"Apparently I just have a serious face"

This happens to me quite frequently, too - not just remarks about my expression, but sudden small talk from strangers and store clerks when my mind is a million miles away, pondering things unrelated to where I am at that moment. Or conversational zig-zags that go in directions I was completely unprepared to consider, leaving me feeling mute and stupid. But I don't hold it against the person who was just trying to be friendly, 'cause I know its not their fault that I'm not deft at sprightly spontaneous conversation.


I agree with Willard. Sometimes I say things that are taken the wrong way when my intention was to be nice. Everyone makes mistakes, not just people with AS. Logically, sometimes the people making the errors are doing so because they are trying to be friendly and just messed up.



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23 Nov 2009, 4:04 pm

Yea.. Willard is right. It's just so hard not to be bothered by something that totally trips you up, even if it's done to be friendly. It's not just aspies that do that, I think. Someone says something, and you don't know how to react to it, so you get all annoyed because you feel stupid for not being able to think of a good response. :?



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23 Nov 2009, 5:00 pm

If you happen to see him next time, it probably would of been easier to tell them that you have AS and that would probably be a little easier and you probably also have to sort of explain it, maybe it might make it seem simpler so he doesn't ask you that question again?

I even had been asked that? "Are you okay, you look upset" and I didn't even notice I was doing it? I had to style it out and say that I was okay but troubles in skool :D it actually kinda worked?


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ellenk55
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23 Nov 2009, 6:26 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
My mom gets that all the time, too. I think a lot of people assumed it was my fault.


I don't understand. What did they assume was your fault?



Hobart
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23 Nov 2009, 7:50 pm

Willard wrote:
Hobart wrote:
you should have said: I'm not the kind of person that walks around with a stupid grin on my face :D



:P Funny.


Seriously, you've gotta cut people some slack for trying to start a conversation with you. They're not trying to insult you, they're trying to draw you out because they WANT to have some interaction with you.

As often as I see young folks here on WP complaining about not being able to get dates, I'd think you'd take it as a compliment that someone went out of their way to make small talk with you. I know its awkward when a seemingly unanswerable question comes at you unexpectedly, but don't get mad. Just give them whatever smile you can muster and shrug. Or tell them

"I've got a lot on my mind" or

"Apparently I just have a serious face"

This happens to me quite frequently, too - not just remarks about my expression, but sudden small talk from strangers and store clerks when my mind is a million miles away, pondering things unrelated to where I am at that moment. Or conversational zig-zags that go in directions I was completely unprepared to consider, leaving me feeling mute and stupid. But I don't hold it against the person who was just trying to be friendly, 'cause I know its not their fault that I'm not deft at sprightly spontaneous conversation.


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23 Nov 2009, 8:16 pm

I get a lot of that too, "You're too quiet!" "Why don't you smile?" and little jokes like "You really need to stop talking so much," followed by giggles. All my life. Now that I'm older, not so much, maybe because I remind people more of their mothers. :roll:

It used to bother me a lot. I mean, I never heard other people get remarks like that, and I didn't think I was that quiet, maybe I was too busy listening to realize I wasn't saying anything. ;)

But I think it's just people trying to start a conversation or include me. Try looking at it another way. It was nice that he remembered you, since he must see hundreds of customers a day. And he later apologized, so he must have realized his question bothered you.

People just don't realize how rude we might find some of these comments -- maybe because they don't have very good social skills themselves?



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24 Nov 2009, 5:25 am

This used to happen to me so often that I took to not responding and ignoring them completely. Being unacknowledged really unsettles people.



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24 Nov 2009, 5:46 am

When people told me to Smile! I would occasionally give them a ghoulish grin just to disconcert them.


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24 Nov 2009, 6:38 am

That's why I learned to smile more.. people never say that if you just smile at them every now and then. Like a nice friendly smile where the bottom of your eyes scrunch up a little bit so it looks genuine.
It's not their fault, they're just trying to be friendly and it doesn't occur to them that there could be a neurological reason you don't smile.


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24 Nov 2009, 10:03 am

I tend to find it pretty invasive when service-folk and strangers make off-handed comments about my demeanor when they know nothing about me...so I can relate. It really is none of their business...I would never say something like that to one of my customers..no matter what...

I yelled at someone once for telling me that I looked bored...but they kept going on about it...You look bored...are you bored?....actually i was in a state of extreme stress because of intolerable sound frequencies....so I yelled at him.... :roll: I felt kinda bad about it afterwards..



Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 30 Nov 2009, 12:21 am, edited 1 time in total.