realistic goal, or impossible dream?

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I just don't know if I should stay in college. While I am great at the academic part (4.0 GPA), the rest of it is a struggle. My prior employment record is horrendous, and going to school is supposed to be my way of showing that I've turned over a new leaf. I've made lots of progress with my social skills and other NT game-playing, and I've put at least as much effort into that as I have into my academic studies.

However, I am just not sure if it is going to be enough. I have mentioned in other posts how exhausting this whole endeavor is, and that if getting my bachelor's degree and having a career is going to continue to take this much therapy and medications and extra effort, I wonder if it's really worth it.

I don't know how to work in groups. I don't know how to "be professional." I never know when I'm going to step wrong and blow myself up in the indecipherable social minefield that makes up the "real world." I am trying so hard to figure all this stuff out, and I am getting lots of professional help, but I'm not sure if I am being realistic.

Years ago, I used to play hockey. It was my special interest for a long time. I got a janitorial job at the rink because one of the perks was unlimited free ice time. I practiced skating and stick-and-puck skills and played actual games every day for months, and yet not only did I never get any better, but novices would come in and start from scratch, and within a few months their skill set would surpass mine no matter how much work I put in and how many lessons I took. It took a long time for me to realize that my being a good hockey player was an unrealistic goal and that no amount of desire and work could change that fact.

I am not sure if this whole college/career thing is the same as the hockey. I've already got 3.5 years and $11,000 in loans invested, with another 2.5 years and approx. $20,000 more to go. I don't want to waste all this time and money if I'm not going to be any more employable than I was before I started.

I do love learning, and will probably always take a class in something for the rest of my life. However, I am 44 years old (chronologically; emotionally I am about 20-21, if that), and my husband has a relatively secure job that pays well, and that makes me wonder even more whether I am wasting time and money chasing a dream that can't come true.

I really don't care if I make a lot of money; I just want to be able to have a career, achieve self-actualization, and feel like a real, functioning adult. Hell, I just want to someday be able to hold down a job for longer than 9 or 12 or 18 months.

My intelligence feels like a curse, a constant reminder of squandered potential. I have so many gifts to give to the world, but the world doesn't seem to want them.

People praise me all the time for "how far I have come" and "how tenacious I am," but those qualities alone are just not going to cut it later on. I am getting so very tired of fighting this battle. Does anyone know some ways that I can tell if I am pursuing something that is truly realistic?

I don’t know what profession you are interested in but I would recommend a profession that will give you some kind of license or technical training where you won’t have to do any selling. Some professions I would recommend would be CPA, MD, Civil Engineer etc.
As for hockey: I have found that sometimes it takes me a very long time to develop certain skills but if I persist I find that I can find creative ways of becoming better than most people. For example if you have slow reflexes you may find that with practice you can read what the other person is going to do from the way he moves.

Stay in school and finish!

If you drop out it will limit your choices in the future. Also, knowledge is power.. the ability to make educated choices will usually end up being good choices. Look at today's job market, it will not be much better 4 years from now.. who would you hire? The dropout or the guy with the degree?

I am majoring in Environmental Science and in Animal Ecology (aquatic sciences option). I would like to be a research scientist studying the various facets of limnology (freshwater rivers, lakes, wetlands, etc.). You are right--NO selling! Some people keep trying to steer me into jobs where I would go talk to farmers about practices that would be better for the environment, but I think that would be a horrible match. I would much prefer to gather samples, anaylze and interpret the data, and write a report. Then someone ELSE could use my findings as a basis for discussion with the farmers.

As for hockey, that was also part of the problem--I could never figure out what the other players were going to do, because they moved way too fast. Also, my auditory processing issues meant that I couldn't understand about 90% of what was being called out from player to player until it was too late (if I even figured it out at all). It finally stopped being fun after about four years, when I realized that I was just basically beating my head against the wall because I had clearly become as good as I was ever going to get, and that both teammates and opponents at that pont were either kindly patronizing or outright annoyed toward me.

I'm not sure yet if I have hit that point with the college/career thing. I will probably stay for the spring 2010 semester (since I have some full-year scholarships and a lease I can't get out of) and then see if things show signs of improving.

I can't say getting a degree won't be seen as "leaf turning" for some, but ultimately opportunity is granted based on proven ability to do the job. A guy with a lousy employment record but a shiny new degree will not impress most employers.



You will not be able to obtain or keep employment in probably 95% of the jobs out there. You need to figure out NOW what types of jobs will work well with your disability. You might even need to be self-employed after graduation....or at least find someone that can use what you can do for a good wage that doesn't mind keeping you in the back room away from customers. Focus your education/training for such a job.

No amount of study will compensate for how AS affects you if you know you can't compensate for those handicaps. We are in a world where working well with others is the key to employment and success in the vast majority of opportunities out there.



If your working isn't a necessity for survival, you're doing better than I am. I can tell you that at 41, I'll be lucky to even be interviewed for a job. However, with an unremarkable resume and a glut of applicants out there, I think I'll be stuck where I am for a while longer.



Preaching to the choir. Maybe if I knew I was autistic when I was in my teens, I would have had a more realistic outlook on what I could expect from life. Instead, I thought I was normal and my parents had high expectations of me. For over 20 years I failed at every major "career" I tried for and never knew why until recently.



The difference between a "dream" and a "fantasy" is that the former is realistic and the later is not. If you don't have an honest assessment of your skills, talents, abilities and disabilities, you cannot know if a goal falls into one category or another. A lot of my past goals were fantasies because there was a next to zero chance of it ever happening. I had the raw skills and intelligence, but between how AS affected me and my past failures, the odds of anyone giving me a chance at my goal was slim to none.

You need to know what your current limits are in getting things done. You need to know what would be expected of you in something that you desire to do. If you honestly know that what will be asked of you exceeds what you are capable of doing on a daily basis, your goals likely are unrealistic.

You should continue for the reasons stated above. Self-actualization is very important, not that I would know......

You should continue for the reasons stated above. Self-actualization is very important, not that I would know......

My biggest recommendation to you is to ask yourself this simple question:

what do you want in life? will taking the path that you're currently on get you what you want in life?

If you're following your heart, then yes, there will be struggles...many, many, many struggles. But those struggles will be worth it, as you'll realize.

My partner and I recently had to work on a major shopping cart conversion for our website, and we were so stressed out that I had a mental shutdown from it, and my hands were very violently shaking.

What made it worse was after the conversion, and we'd just put new merchandise up, our webhosting service switched servers, and due to some SSL certificate issue, our website was down for over 24 hours.

I had another mental shutdown.

Despite these setbacks, is what I'm doing worth it? Totally...if it's something I can look back on and laugh about in a few years, being so proud of how much I've accomplished, then it was all worth it.

You have come a long way and you should be rightly proud and I would like to thank you for sharing all of this with us.

It would be arrogant of me to try to give you a way of checking something that is realistic to your personal circumstances.

What I can share, from experience and probably what can be read in the 'best' books on personal growth (particularly those written when writers had no prospect of becoming millionaires) is this;

The desire to do something is a good indicator that you have the capacity to achieve it.

A persistent positive mental attitude can overcome most obstacles.

We are often closest to our goals at the point that we feel the most unable to reach them.............

Keep your eyes on the prize.


In the words of Chris Gardner, who is one of my heros;

'Never let ANYONE (including you) tell you that you can't do something'


Go get 'em

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 29 Nov 2009, 6:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

riverspark,

It sounds like your major will suite you very well. I suggest finishing school. Actually working in the field will probably be allot more fun than going to school to learn about it. No matter the major, there are social aspects to school that someone with AS will find difficult. That doesn't mean that working in the field of your major will be as hard as going to school for it.

It sounds like you are on the right track to a career you will find rewarding. You already put in so much work toward this goal. Reaching it may be a great confidence booster. Just try to tough out the next couple years of school. We're always here if you need to vent during the process.

Best of luck to you.

Wow. Thanks, everyone, for the advice, anecdotes, and support. You have given me a lot to ponder, and that is a very good thing.

I do know for sure that I am going to give it another semester full-time, and then re-evaluate in May.

I also have realized, in part because of all the replies in this thread and via PM, that a big underlying cause in my present state of exhaustion is my wanting to pass as an NT 24/7 and live a "normal" life. In other words, I am beginning to realize that I am not accepting myself for who I am. I need to quit trying so hard to be NT and just be the very best Aspie ME that I can be.

There are many other issues surrounding college and my possible future career as well, but I think acknowledging that I've been putting way to much energy into being something I'm not is a big factor.

I can't thank you all enough for your insights.