Does being touched when you don't want it upset you?

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Blue Jay
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01 Jul 2010, 7:38 am

Does being touched when you don't want it upset you for the rest of the day?

It does me. There's a woman at work who is very 'touchy feely'. Well, today she hugged me for the second time and it was just to tell me I was doing a good job (I am only new there) and I have felt all wriggly and yuck for the rest of today. It was really weird and I have asked my co-workers and apparently she does it to everyone. She's got no sense of personal space.

Today when she did it to me, I was so stunned that it happened that I just took it till it was over. I feel bad about that now and I should have said something. Next time it happens I will have to say something because I really hate it.

Why can't I just stand up for myself when things happen? I seem to spend my whole life kicking my own butt for not reacting to things when they happen. It's like my brain turns to mush and I am speechless, and then after the event I am like, why didn't I just say something?.



SeaMonkey
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01 Jul 2010, 7:59 am

I know what you mean. I hate people hugging me but I never say anything about it cuz I dont wanna make a big deal about it. I wonder if everyone hates this and if so why do people hug other people?



happymusic
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01 Jul 2010, 8:08 am

Yeah, I don't like people touching me. I worked with a lady like this once. It was so awkward and I had to tell her to stop touching me - she could nearly provoke me to violence. And there was this other guy I had to tell to stop hugging me. I don't care if they're upset by it. I try to be polite about it, but they're the ones being rude by putting us in that position.



SoSayWeAll
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01 Jul 2010, 9:05 am

I HATE that. What I feel worst about is that I don't even like being touched by my own family without warning. I don't think they realize why it bothers me, or at the very least, I don't think they want to realize that different people process touch differently--if you can't, then you must be a freak. :(


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Surreal
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01 Jul 2010, 9:06 am

Unequivocally YES.



PlatedDrake
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01 Jul 2010, 9:22 am

<waves hand> YES, light touches feel like someone sticking my finger in a power outlet (ie, feels like a shock to my system). Takes most of the day to recover from it . . .



sedjat
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01 Jul 2010, 9:35 am

Yes. I can remember several incidents where someone touched me and it made me very uncomfortable. A little old lady on the bus decided to tuck in my shirt tag back; I think I jumped up so high I nearly hit the roof. The discomfort is really bad for dating, too. I finally was asked on a date, but I couldn't handle him putting his arm around me at the movie; I can't handle anyone touching me while I'm watching a movie. Needless to say I didn't get a second date.



ToughDiamond
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01 Jul 2010, 9:54 am

If I don't like the person concerned, I hate them to touch me. There was some bigwig female came over here from another department, all feisty and full of herself....she was being patronising and then she briefly touched me. I just thought "who the hell do you think you are?" If it hadn't been such a shock I'd have probably blown her off, but I tend to just freeze up at such times......I tend not to trust my anger enough to give it an immediate venting, and prefer to go away and think about it before deciding what to say about it.

On the other hand, just touching me suddenly isn't going to upset me if I like you, and I like most of the people I hang around with. There was one lady who very bashfully and clumsily cuddled me for the first time. It made me feel tense and awkward....my response seemed to put her off trying to do it again for quite a long time. But I wasn't in any way offended by her approach, and we did eventually cuddle again. Once more it felt extremely awkward and her body seemed so delicate tnat I feared I might squash her (I'm more into a good, firm grapple than a light embrace), but the following time we were much more relaxed about it, and now we cuddle every time we meet and it feels perfectly natural.

I think the best thing is to abide by a rule here - never grab anybody without some kind of warning. Otherwise the other person can easily feel trapped and molested, because they can't withdraw with any grace. Instead, spread your arms slightly and move slowly towards them......and back off if there's any sign of reluctance or anxiety.



Todesking
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01 Jul 2010, 10:37 am

There was a waitress who use to try to grab me by the biceps and the forearms all the time. She would also come up behind me to give me suprise hugs. The boss would tell her he don't want what you want to give to try to embarass her into stopping it or telling her to go bother someone else. I yelled at her, threw a head of lettuce at her, and cussed her up and down calling her a whore and other things but she kept doing it because she liked getting me upset over it. She gave me another suprise hug when I was cutting some cellery and she made cut the hell out of my finger tips. I went strait to the boss pissed off and screaming at him at the top of my lungs screaming fire her or get sued showing him fingers telling him what happened and I need to get to the emergancy room for stiches. I refused to sign any papers before going to the emergancy room until a lawyer saw them. I did this to scare the boss into maybe firing her. She offered to drive to the hospital I told her if she ever touches me again I was going to smack the s**t out of her. I was out of work for two weeks because of half of the stuff I did would keep my hand wet. She did not get fired until I said something to the resteraunt's owner with a couple of eye witnesses. :roll:



Kiseki
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01 Jul 2010, 10:41 am

If by a stranger or someone I don't know well it creeps me out.



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01 Jul 2010, 10:44 am

It depends mostly on the person. For example, an unexpected hug from my parents, I handle it, specially since I like the pressure feeling I get when there's a firm hug. However, an unexpected touch from anyone else will get me feeling uneasy for the rest of the day, and with a sticky feeling that will make me want to take a bath, and sometimes not even that will take the sticky or yucky feeling away.



Lilactiger
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01 Jul 2010, 10:45 am

I dislike being touched sometimes, especially when it comes by surprise. I can usually tolerate it though. Other times I don't mind it at all and I'm not sure what the difference is. If I initiate it, it's fine. It really seems to depend on how sensitive I feel on any given day.


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ToughDiamond
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01 Jul 2010, 10:51 am

Todesking wrote:
There was a waitress who use to try to grab me by the biceps and the forearms all the time. She would also come up behind me to give me suprise hugs. The boss would tell her he don't want what you want to give to try to embarass her into stopping it or telling her to go bother someone else. I yelled at her, threw a head of lettuce at her, and cussed her up and down calling her a whore and other things but she kept doing it because she liked getting me upset over it. She gave me another suprise hug when I was cutting some cellery and she made cut the hell out of my finger tips. I went strait to the boss pissed off and screaming at him at the top of my lungs screaming fire her or get sued showing him fingers telling him what happened and I need to get to the emergancy room for stiches. I refused to sign any papers before going to the emergancy room until a lawyer saw them. I did this to scare the boss into maybe firing her. She offered to drive to the hospital I told her if she ever touches me again I was going to smack the sh** out of her. I was out of work for two weeks because of half of the stuff I did would keep my hand wet. She did not get fired until I said something to the resteraunt's owner with a couple of eye witnesses. :roll:

That was sexual harrassment, and completely inappropriate the moment you first made it clear that you didnt want it. You could probably have sued. Tweaking her jugs might have worked very well, but it might also have made things ten times worse.



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01 Jul 2010, 11:16 am

i have some things that bother me and some that don't... fist bumps are okay, handshakes not so much, i end up having to wash my hands afterwards to feel okay. i hate it when people poke me, though usually my body automatically evades the poking. hugs don't bother me if i know they are coming but if they are unexpected its like someone just slapped my whole body.



Radiofixr
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01 Jul 2010, 11:41 am

I had a friend of mine walk up behind me and put their hands on my shoulders and another friend of mine saw my reaction-"I got a very strange look on my face and started yelling "Please do not touch me I do not know who you are and do not touch me" and when I turned around it was someone I knew but they didnt say who it was-I was freaked out for quite a while that day-I have no problem with being touched if I see the person who is touching me and if I do the touching first.



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01 Jul 2010, 1:50 pm

I don't mind people hugging me. It has to be, when I'm in the mood, for a hug.


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