A question for all of you

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This is probably a dumb question, but I've just gotta know, when you are communicating with someone-talking to them, reading/writing posts on this site, etc., how much would you say you judge the person and what they are saying? For instance, if someone were to go on and on about something, say something redundant, obvious, strange, incorrect, depressing, selfish, [insert your own adjective here], or go off topic, would you notice? If so, would you care and would it change your opinion of the person? One reason I'm asking is that I tend to apply many of the same rules I use with NT's when communicating with you all, as the thought of there being a group of people who I can completely be myself around just seems too good to be true. Also, despite my best efforts I determine my self-worth based on others' opinions of me and try very hard to keep them positive. And I tend to be highly emotional at times (which I think is common among some aspies but I'm not sure) and I worry that this annoys some of you.

I certainly notice if someone says something redundant, obvious, strange, incorrect, etc., but I don't really care and it doesn't change my opinion of the person. Unless maybe if they're saying something scary like "I keep getting this urge to eat small children". For years I've based my self-worth on others opinions of me, but recently I made a conscious decision to stop. I've noticed that people who go around judging others are often not so wonderful themselves, so why should I listen? And in case you're wondering, I do get a little emotional too. See my empathy thread.

Yes, I'd notice, but I am very patient. Besides, I'm sure there's a harmless reason behind it.
Please be open and be yourself so that I can do the same.

I act like myself; but I try not to be rude or inappropiate. I can't help making *some* judgements, but I try to avoid them. I'd like to say I'm completely unjudging, but I don't know anybody that way.

lol I don't think I've said anything that scary, but some pretty weird things tend to fly out of my mouth sometimes...

Good point, I'll try to remember that

thanks, I'll try!

I notice things like that, but unless it is a consistent pattern of behavior I don't let it bother me - and even if it is consistent it just goes into a person's file as something that they do that I may not like - it is only if there are enough of these in the file that I make a decision not to be around or communicate with a person . . .
And if they have an ickyness to them when I first meet them - that is quite rare but I can't stand to be in the room with a person who feels icky . . .

I also try to give people a chance to explain themselves if they say something that rubs me the wrong way because 90% of the time it is because I interpreted it wrong . . .

I have a few problems with tone of voice over the net, but I'm generally pretty good about judging people's personalities and natures from what they write (when it's an ongoing thing) and how they write it.

I visulise the person in my head, and imagine them, like a real person.

I'm not active enough here to know you people, but in other fourms it's pretty easy (especially when involving NT's)

Most people probably find me abrupt and rude, and often take what I say the wrong way. I'm not really like that in real life. I'm a combination of shy, outgoing, loud, quiet, just a mix.

One thing about me though, (most people, even alot of aspies aren't like this)

Is that I never judge aperson by their post. If their post annoys me, i'll say it. Another one of their posts will be fine and that's all good.

Some people don't like one or two of a persons posts and just decide to full on start hating that person.

I judge what people say, not the people.

I don't get so much offended or upset about some posts, but concerned about the writer. I've been told I'm terribly naive about people. I look at comments as being simply that, and assume when someone says something I don't agree with, that they don't see my point of view, have different life experiences, don't realise people like me might be reading it, or need some help so they don't upset someone else. I have unintentionally upset so many people, that I assume the same thing happens to others. It's only a sustained attack, with me being a direct victim that will convince me otherwise. I have to admit that I do categorise people in little sub groups based on their opinions and reactions. I get a mental image of the type of childhood they might have, and the environment they are in, and often use that to justify their behaviour. I was quite stunned when someone told me the other day, that she didn't trust the internet as people can pretend to be someone else and fool you into thinking they are nice when they are nasty. I've met lots of real people who have tricked me that way, but I've never felt it was an issue on a forum.

I wouldn't judge anyone by their posts because I'd assume they're having a bad day or something.. I wouldn't really notice unless they're being really abusive or racist or something.

I admit that I judge people by their posts. After all, I want to have some idea with whom I am talking to. But I need several posts consistently showing a pattern to make an opinion, and even then it is subject to revision if new facts are brought to light. I don't believe in first impressions or taking offense. Everyone can have a bad day, or be in a hurry and post something not well thought over. Furthermore, my opinions are usually restricted to a concrete scope. For example, I might decide that a person lacks knowledge in linguistics and talks stupid things about this subject, so there is no point to discuss these issues with them. But this does not mean that I will hate that person from then on. Instead, I might continue discussing other topics. On aspie boards, I believe, it is important to respond to inappropriate behavior by politely pointing it out, but not becoming offended straight away. The "offender" may be unaware of their transgression, and a to-the-point remark and apology are all that is needed to clear a misunderstanding. At least, this is what I think.

I believe there is a reason for redundancy and stating obvious things.

What someone else heard from you, may not necessarily be what another person has read/heard. Also, there are reasons for bringing up things again... the same things can be said in a different, but similar way for each individual taking part in a discussion.

Something can be known by the majority, thus coming across as obvious; while for someone else it isn't as obvious. Saying obvious things can be worthwhile in a discussion, even subconsiously.

We all say incorrect things, either totally incorrect or partially... so in some ways we aren't toally wrong. Misunderstanding isn't necessarily saying something incorrect. It can be annoying having to continue on a the misunderstanding of an issue too long versus continuing the discussion on a certain topic, however... I have been more understanding with NT's I interact on other boards when this situation arises.

Last edited by Tom_FL_MA on 28 Nov 2004, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I try not judge people, exspecial not right away.

I do judge people by their posts- but only if it is something that happens in all their posts. Everyone is allowed an 'off' day

I don't think I can really judge people from their posts. After all, each post is only about one topic so you can only make a judgement about the writers opinion on that particular subject. I dont think you can really judge much from their style of writing, either; this might be irrelevant or misleading.

As for being repetitive or redundant, well, it might be that a particular subject is a pet obsession of the writer....and who am I to judge that? I have pet obsesssions of my own and know that it is all too easy, when talking about them, to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on ...... !:-D