How to get rid of resurfacing anxiety/ depression?

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I am a diagnosed Asperger, and anxiety and depression were what characterized my social life in secondary school, but this year (first year in uni oversea) I felt myself "recovering" due to that I didn't feel any anxiety in socializing which was far more successful than my entire secondary school period, until a recent incident that is gradually making everything resurface.

There is a guy in the university who I initially perceived as friend and told him about my past, but it proved to be a great mistake because since then he labeled my present with my past, and every conversations with him, however causal in the beginning, were degenerated into criticizing against my personality which he defends as "teaching", like he couldn't tell with me with anything else. Eg. Once he asked me teasingly: "Name me three girls that you talk with 10 minutes per week" in respond to my week-ago conversation about my anxiety when talking with girl IN THE PAST. I was offended because during that time being I highly emphasized on starting a relationship and I actually befriended with more girls than guys. As every conversations damaged my confidence I began to avoid him, but I didn't refuse when he actively talked with me.

One day I visited his campus accommodation and accidentally, I made what I immediately found as a rude joke to his girl house mate. While she was facially annoyed and several attempts conversations with her failed, I thought everything was fine as I shifted my effort to her other house mates which resulted favorably. However the next day when we talked about her, that guy began to threaten me that she knew many gangster connections that are going to "teach me a lesson", and that I would be physically assaulted when she spots me again, while he also said I m nothing to her and she simply feel sorry with me. Physical and mental bullying were what I experienced daily in secondary school, and in that moment I was immediately stricken with fear, as if everything terrible in high school would came back and seize my present life. I warned him that he has said enough but to make thing worse he retorted "because I want to teach you!". Enraged and fear, I decided to leave as he said "I just want to help you man" That was our last conversation before I avoid him completely.

Then things went worse: anxiety and disruption of thought (I think its due to fear of others criticize my thought) resurfaced immediately and grow stronger by day, even I later knew from the girl's friend that she doesn't do things in violent way, although she did take the incident seriously. Initially my solutions was to counter social anxiety by extending socializing, and to apologize on the girl's facebook (as advised by the uni counselor) but both didnt work. She didnt even reply my apologizing mail. Initally I maintained my active attitude to socialize, but as I moved to my aunt's home I began to felt increasingly difficult to socialize with her family.

Its now one and a half month later and I become so sensitive that I could be pushed to fear by even the slightest refusal or what I perceived as harmless jokes before. I begin to feel my legs weak when I speak to others and especially make jokes. I do consider to make a consultation but as an oversea student, my OSHC would not cover a resurface of pre-existing condition. Recently I found a PT job and I afraid my condition would make my life there terrible. What should I do!?

Hi Moknin.

You have been taken for a ride. And there is one hard lesson you learned here; don't just trust people because they give you attention. I think it was mean of him to ask how many girls you talked to for 10 minutes. Does he want to teach you how to become a 'normal'person? Than he must first work on his own shortcommings. Most people talk about simple things like football, music, soaps, etc when they meet a new person. Only when they have been friends for a while, you give away little bits of private yourself. How much that is depending on the person you with. You're not obliged to tell them your life story.

Moknin, for a while until things settle, just try not to react to anything. Be an observer of your own life and don't place any expectations on yourself. Take some time to say "I don't have to prove anything" and just protect yourself for a while. I've had a few jobs where I was completely shut off from my coworkers, but I had to be because I couldn't handle trying to relate to them. The guy that was 'trying to teach you' sounds a little confused himself so just write off everything he said as ignorance. I hope you feel better.

Exactly, what I really learn from him is that friendship is maintained by mutual-happiness and to talk of unhappy staff would just make damage. It is proved by that I maintain quiet a good friendship with my female friends by behaving in humorous manner. However there's also why I could only perceive them as half-friend because I can't share my real feeling with them.

By saying to "teach" me he actually want to change me into himself. Always he sought to aggressively impose his own style of social skills and his Catholic value upon me (No offense to Catholic) because he kinda perceives my atheist belief as "the root of all my problems". Howver I rejected him not only because of his disrespect, but also because he is friendless in the uni. All I want is just to have friends or probably a relationship which are so natural for NTs, not to change into some friendless being which I had suffered so long in the past.

Thanks very much......but its so sad if its the only solution. Not only I afraid that such self-isolation may left me without supports if I have trouble in the company, I also fear that I would "use to" an isolated life and resent to make friends anymore. It would be better if theres some less isolate-involved expert solution but thanks anyway.

I guess I was just referring to this here ^. You can't expect to act natural when you feel like this, and for me the only way I get through it is by taking a break 'mentally'. Read, watch movies about people struggling as well as succeeding, talk to your parents or siblings.... Keep talking to people here and read the forum. Things get easier when you believe in yourself ----- But s**t, I'm medicated, so that's how I resolve the anxiety and depression.

disclaimer: not an expert.