Anticipating a reaction

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I posted something on Facebook that family members would know was important to me and friends could assume was important to me. Two responses, both by family members. This is not what I anticipated. It left me feeling angry and embarrassed. I just want to be acknowledged at least. How hard is it to hit the frickin' like button? I definitely feel deliberately ignored, like I just farted and everyone is pretending like they didn't notice. When it comes to theory of mind, this is where I have the most trouble. The reactions I anticipate are so frequently wrong. Sometimes when I try to look it from another's perspective I still don't see what I said that was so wrong or stupid. I had to post this as part of the process of getting over it.

I often think many other people are only looking for or expecting some kind of thrill and do not even think that far.

I find that Facebook is a bit of a mixed blessing. I quite often post things that get no response (as I notice a lot of people do, both NT and aspie), but then sometimes something I post gets responses, and I wasn't expecting it. I know I quite often scroll through and see things I like, but I don't necessarily click the like button, even if I'm good friends with that person. I only feel moved to do that if I have a very close personal involvement with the specific thing that the person is talking about. So for instance, my friend might post a link to a music video which I'm into, but I won't click the like button unless I'm a total fan of that particular band.

Facebook is definitely something not to be taken personally, as far as my experience goes. There are all sorts of reasons people behave the way they do in using the site, and it's not necessarily about me personally, it's just the way it is. It might not be people ignoring you, it might just be that they have 100 other things on their screen that they are scrolling through at the same time, and they'll only comment on your post if there's a strong reason to - that might not necessarily be a judgment about you.

I don't know if that's any help, just my own perspective on it.

It didn't feel like that. I'll give you another example similar in content to what I posted as far as importance to me personally. It happens that on Dec 21st I will celebrate 10 years of sobriety. If I post something about that and no one responds it's going to make me feel like either my accomplishment means nothing or that I should be ashamed about my alcoholism when it's very important to me to dispel the shame about the disease because the social stigma prevents a lot of people from seeking help. I spent years drinking just to prove to myself over and over again that I could control it. I, of course, failed every time. So if I post something about autism with the intention of dispelling some damaging misconceptions and the people know my son has autism, what message does that send me to be ignored?

Maybe it's just they don't know how to react, so they play safe by not reacting. To an ordinary guy in the street, it might very hard for them to know how to respond to something like this, especially if they don't feel they are very expert about it. I still think it might not be accurate to interpret this as rejection, but at the same time, I don't want to tell you how to feel about it.

Maybe it's just they don't know how to react, so they play safe by not reacting. To an ordinary guy in the street, it might very hard for them to know how to respond to something like this, especially if they don't feel they are very expert about it. I still think it might not be accurate to interpret this as rejection, but at the same time, I don't want to tell you how to feel about it.[quote]

It feels like they think I'm supposed to be ashamed of my son's Asperger's and ignorance really pisses me off. But thanks for responding. I'll get over it, I guess. Other people post things that are important to them and get acknowledged. My nephew is an ardent vegan and if he posts something about that he gets responses. Another friend posted about 7 years clean and sober and he got responses. I'm either invisible or an eyesore, I'm not sure which. But this is an example of my problem with TofM. If it's important to me, I tend to think it will be at least acknowledged.

I screwed up on the quoting-I'm off to work anyway.

Something I know I have a problem with is my use of phrasing... for instance I will be quite direct and technical, whereas someone else will use a different type of language to say the same thing. I think people find this off-putting, or leaves them unsure how to respond. That's just a personal thing with me, but maybe other people also have that experience. I find myself editing and re-editing what I write to NTs online, to try and soften it, or give it more of a personal edge. But I'm still fumbling in the dark, because, as another ToM thing, I don't really know how I'm supposed to come across in a way that's going to "click" with the other person. It's all a bit depressing sometimes

It also might depend on how many FB "friends" your family and friends have..

I have found that I was losing status updates from some friends which I preferred, because others would be posting their status updates more often etc.

If they have a hundred or so friends in their list, your comments would be quite lost on their Home page.

I know how that feels. I always assume the worst when I get ignored. I realize the reasons I don't always respond to people have to do with my anxiety and the fact that the amount of thought/effort I will have to put into a response overwhelms me. I wish I could assume that other people have the same problems I do but that doesn't seem to be the case. Most people don't seem to have as much difficulty as I do so when I do get ignored it feels like I'm being snubbed.

Were the comments actually negative? I know I usually don't even think to click the like button when I leave a comment. It seems pointless if I'm already typing what I think anyway. Also, a lot of people don't even read status updates, so most of your friends might not have even seen it.

Congrats on ten years of sobriety.

I don't know what to say about the rest, family and friends confuse me.

TOfM is a good way to call it, I like it!

I have a similar problem. I find that everyone ignores me by email or FB or whatever, unless they have a very specific need from me.

This is probably exactly what is happening. It is possible to be literally invisible on Facebook if you post infrequently, don't have very many Friended people or don't respond frequently to other peoples' posts- thus putting yourself into their Newsfeed homepage.

To increase the odds of other people seeing and thus responding to your posts, you need to respond to theirs. This causes the Facebook software to put your posts into their Newsfeed with greater frequency.

What is the newsfeed and where is it, Janissy?

Congrats on 10 years of sobriety, Aimless! That's a HUGE accomplishment

It sounds like a few of the earlier posters most likely nailed it: People either a) Don't know how to respond to the subject, or b) have information overload and may not have even seen your post. It's easy for posts to get "lost" with all the stuff on the newsfeed.

But I think may I know sort of how you feel. I've "outed" myself as an Aspie on FB and not ONE person who is close to me has responded or commented on it. To me, it is a big deal - it explains a lot of puzzling things that have bothered me throughout my life and it's a huge relief to finally have figured this out. It's a little disheartening to not hear anything from anyone about it. But I tend to believe that most people might be uncomfortable with it and just don't know what to say, so they say nothing. Either that or they just miss my posts because they have hundreds of friends to keep up with. Either way, I learned to try not to take it so personally.

It's when you log in and you automatically see updates from the people on your friends list or pages that you are a fan of. If for some reason you don't see it, click on the "Home" button at the top and you should then see it.