Intense hatred: AS or a bad childhood?

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Jellybean
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25 Dec 2009, 4:44 am

I am not sure really, but everywhere I go, I always find a person that I just HATE. I don't actually know if it is hate, or if it is just a mixture of strange emotions, but I get so angry about this person. The problem is I have not only got AS but I was bullied a lot and treated badly by people who I trusted. Am I just shutting these people out of my life and saying I 'hate' them to avoid friendships (I have a knack for losing friends) or is it an AS thing? I don't think it is to do with AS because I don't know if anyone else does this... I think I am just weird... :cry:


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Lonermutant
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25 Dec 2009, 8:19 am

I'm a misanthrope too. I totally agree with what you are saying.



bdhkhsfgk
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25 Dec 2009, 8:27 am

Just a question, how does it feel to be a misanthrope?



Lonermutant
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25 Dec 2009, 8:29 am

bdhkhsfgk wrote:
Just a question, how does it feel to be a misanthrope?


I actually feel fine distrusting people. :wink:



bdhkhsfgk
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25 Dec 2009, 8:31 am

Lonermutant wrote:
bdhkhsfgk wrote:
Just a question, how does it feel to be a misanthrope?


I actually feel fine distrusting people. :wink:


So do I, I feel like it's the right thing to do 8O :lol:



ToughDiamond
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25 Dec 2009, 8:40 am

I guess being prone to hating individuals could be a side-effect of AS.....the so-called social ineptitude is likely to generate a history of frustration and anger which might keep coming back every time anything goes wrong between the subject and other people. And it's probably human nature to re-live past traumas when disappointed in a similar way by current significant others. Aspie perfectionism might also increase the rejection rate.

There was certainly an unusually large amount of contempt for others in the family I grew up in (father was probably an Aspie). I noticed it when I was a teenager and figured it to be a poor way to be, and resolved not to become like that myself. I guess I've made some progress but I still find it difficult to avoid dismissing people for their imperfections. It's one thing to understand intellectually the need for tolerance, but it's another thing to actually feel magnanimous about their faults. I still feel convinced that most people in mainstream society are on the wrong path.

Paradoxically, one of my best ways of dealing with it is to be very suspicious of people I don't know, because it lessens the shock value when they disappoint me.....I've often noticed that shock can make a person feel the most vicious emotions, much worse than they'd feel if they'd been half expecting to be let down occasionally. Another coping strategy is not to get too close to anybody - naturally the more distant they are, the less intense are the negative feelings when they do anything hurtful - but it's not much of a solution, it's more like cuttng off your feet to make sure you don't hurt your toes.

The strangest thing is the way I expect people to put themselves into my shoes, or at least I can get very annoyed when they don't, even though I don't really give them much info about what I want or don't want. Kind of hypocritical for an Aspie to condemn others for having poor social imagination, but that's what I tend to do. :?

I usually find that every group has an as*hole.....so I try to keep away from groups and just deal with people one-to-one. It's not really up to me to try to remove the offending member from a group, though it would be nice sometimes. :twisted:



Amajanshi
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25 Dec 2009, 8:58 am

I used to be very hateful of people coz of my terrible experiences at school in the past. I think the bad experiences we have in childhood and adolescence makes us a lot more prone to being misanthropic and skeptical/suspicious of people in general.

Now I'm a lot less hateful and I'm aware that not everyone is a bad apple, and that a few people are genuinely nice and honest but they're not common either.

I no longer crave close friends, nor do I actively seek people to talk to at Uni unless I happen to see them, in which I'll speak to them out of politeness.

I agree with ToughDiamond's point about not intentionally getting close to people. By reducing my social expectations, I'm less likely to have high expectations on them, and I'm less likely to be disappointed if they don't do as they promise etc.



CockneyRebel
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25 Dec 2009, 9:29 am

I was the same way, when I was your age. I was this angry, young rebel who didn't trust anybody. I was constantly picked on, by the stupid young women at work, and I kept myselg guarded from them. I didn't let any guys get close to me. All that sex talk just made me even more distant. It took me a while to open up to people.


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LiendaBalla
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25 Dec 2009, 10:44 am

I was bullied to. Yep, getting bull from people all one's life does make one expect it.



cyberscan
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25 Dec 2009, 12:34 pm

Unless someone is a member of my congregation, family, client, or involved in the Center, I usually have little to do with them. As for the rest of the world, I've been pushed around, bullied, or flat out ignored, so I don't want much to do with it. I try to help out if someone needs help, but other than that, I say away from them.


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redscott
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25 Dec 2009, 1:43 pm

Yes, I think the intense hatred is more a learned response from being bullied & betrayed. I share this with you, as do many NT folk who have a long history of being mistreated. But the misanthropic feelings, feeling like you're surrounded by idiots or generally mistrusting anyone, this is characteristic of AS.

From reading the posts on this forum, I've gotten the impression that most of yous guys are not so much hating people as just failing to interact properly. This is not the same as the hatred that grows out of abuse.

However, when you mix Asperger's with a abuse, it just makes things worse. Having AS is like having a trash can full of newspapers, it will catch fire easily anyway. Adding abuse to it is like pouring gasoline on a trash can full of newspapers. FOOOM!


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buryuntime
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25 Dec 2009, 2:13 pm

No. I like most people.



ScottF
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25 Dec 2009, 5:07 pm

I try to be nice to people when I first meet them and try to be friendly, but when they turn around and treat me like crap, that is when I get angry...


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25 Dec 2009, 6:36 pm

i really dont know, people say im always grumpy for some reason and unfriendly but im really not, because this is just how i was put together bad childhoods can mess you up though


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26 Dec 2009, 5:07 am

My friend is like that. He often shows visible hostility to those people, or anyone depending on his mood.
But I guess it is an aspie thing...
cuz I also don't mind hating/distrusting people. but for me it's more of a hate thing.
Since for some reason I didn't mind hating at least one person, and I didnt mind being bullied, even though it was very frustrating. But only on one condition, and that was if the person I hated was the person who bullied me. I don't hate anyone else. But it's not like I get joy out of being bullied, I just find it much more refreshing than having everyone like me.
But I DONT like it when there is someone I can't trust. Since for me, it's completely different than being bullied by someone or hating someone. Obviously I can't trust those people either, and I know that, but then if I can trust someone who isn't one of those people, that's what I don't like.
As for stuff like misanthropy... well I mean everyone hates SOMEONE. But then I don't think it's necessarily an aspie thing to distrust someone. If you hve had a past full of people you weren't able to trust chances are you will continue to not trust people when u first meet them unless you get to know them.


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