Why do NTs seem to be so afraid of being alone somewhere?
In the past 2 years in my Uni course, I've noticed that NTs love to congregate in groups and hate to be by themselves.
I have read posts on Facebook where people say they won't go to Uni or an event (non-party) coz their other friends aren't coming. I told a friend that I watched a movie in the cinema on my own coz I didn't think anybody else wanted to watch it with me, and he said "What, by yourself?" with disdain. A similar thing happened with another girl.
Why do they need to be with other people so much? Do they not realize that if they could sometimes do things on their own, they could have more flexibility in their actions???
I don't think it's strictly an NT thing, but more an extrovert thing. I'm sure there are introverted NTs around who actually value solitude.
As for why doing things alone is so unthinkable for the former group, I've never really understood it either. I get that people can derive a lot of comfort from being with friends, meeting new people, and so on, but I've never quite understood how a day spent alone could actually be daunting for them.
There is an implied sense of social inadequacy in being somewhere alone.
Perhaps it comes from a sense of vulnerability; eg if you are a woman alone you would be more likely to be in danger if you are alone and could therefore be more easily physically overpowered.
Or, perhaps it indicates a lack of support. I don't know.
Personally, I have always gone places alone. Doesn't beother me at all, except if I get looked at funny. Or if people say something about it. ![]()
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I'm pretty sure it's the remnants of herding instincts. To be alone is to be vulnerable; strength is in numbers. Also, it seems that there's a psychological aspect. What you do if you were the only human? You would be the only person to talk to. Everything else in the world would try to kill you for food. When there's other people around, you can work together towards goals. You talk to them, see the similarities between yourselves. It keeps you sane; prevents you from conversing with the first convenient volleyball. Auts are less vulnerable than NTs to this, but we are not entirely immune.
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When I allow it to be
There's no control over me
I have my fears
But they do not have me
the problem with this belief is that ya can't work together because none of the other folks seem to have their sh*t together. They claim it all works out like some beautiful utopia; it doesn't.
It's really an emotional thing, with feelings of being needed and all that.
I used to want to be with people a lot.
Now I enjoy being on my own quite considerably; it's peaceful and quiet, and I have my thoughts and ponderings to accompany me.
You may be incorrectly ascribing fear to them, or other things that really aren't. When unable to find the reason for a behavior, or unable to read what's inside others' heads, it's only natural to attempt to ascribe states of mind to people, and often these attempts will be incorrect.
My take on this is that most other people don't like to be alone because being with others feels good to them, and being alone is awkward. It could be an unconscious instinct that tells them they're more vulnerable when they are alone.
It's not like we're in danger of being eaten by bears, for example, for the most part. However, people need protection from other people. I have been told it's a bad idea to go into business meetings by yourself because having another person on your side gives you a lot of safety, even to the extent that all persons are better off if it's two on two than one on one. The other person on your side ensures that someone doesn't have a clear shot at getting away with doing something bad to you, so an attempt at wronging you is less likely to occur in the first place. One person's word against another is a bad place to be and I know that people can behave very differently when they don't think someone is watching.
It's the loner guy that gets kneed in the groin by a girl who says she wants to dance with him (yes, I saw someone talk about this in a comment on Rotten, never happened to me though). We may lack the instinct to understand intuitively why we need protection derived from being in a group, but we can understand on an intellectual level and remember to prepare accordingly.
_________________
A boy and his dog can go walking
A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other
A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
But a dog knows his boy can go wrong
I have read posts on Facebook where people say they won't go to Uni or an event (non-party) coz their other friends aren't coming. I told a friend that I watched a movie in the cinema on my own coz I didn't think anybody else wanted to watch it with me, and he said "What, by yourself?" with disdain. A similar thing happened with another girl.
Why do they need to be with other people so much? Do they not realize that if they could sometimes do things on their own, they could have more flexibility in their actions???
Fixed
Because they're human
Fixed
My take on this is that most other people don't like to be alone because being with others feels good to them, and being alone is awkward. It could be an unconscious instinct that tells them they're more vulnerable when they are alone.
It's not like we're in danger of being eaten by bears, for example, for the most part. However, people need protection from other people. I have been told it's a bad idea to go into business meetings by yourself because having another person on your side gives you a lot of safety, even to the extent that all persons are better off if it's two on two than one on one. The other person on your side ensures that someone doesn't have a clear shot at getting away with doing something bad to you, so an attempt at wronging you is less likely to occur in the first place. One person's word against another is a bad place to be and I know that people can behave very differently when they don't think someone is watching.
It's the loner guy that gets kneed in the groin by a girl who says she wants to dance with him (yes, I saw someone talk about this in a comment on Rotten, never happened to me though). We may lack the instinct to understand intuitively why we need protection derived from being in a group, but we can understand on an intellectual level and remember to prepare accordingly.
then doesn't that go against the very belief they insist they go by about being independent, being yourself, and that the majority are natural decent people?
I mean...I already don't believe that they believe any of that, but still....
then doesn't that go against the very belief they insist they go by about being independent, being yourself, and that the majority are natural decent people?
I mean...I already don't believe that they believe any of that, but still....
The majority are decent people, but it's those occasional few who can cause trouble. Being part of a group doesn't necessarily infringe on being oneself. Some people are aggressive and will lie, steal, accuse you of things or even physically assault you if they think they can get away with it. The transition from being alone to being in a group as small as two can be a significant deterrent to ward off bad people. It's not that you're likely to encounter a lot of bad people, but it makes sense that normally one would have an instinctual need to belong to a group for protection.
_________________
A boy and his dog can go walking
A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other
A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
But a dog knows his boy can go wrong
LuxoJr
Deinonychus
Joined: 2 Dec 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 391
Location: a dance party on the moon
I don't mind being alone at all. But my parents do. Grr...
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Never assume everyone's better off than you, that's unfounded optimism.
15 and diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome
