"Get ready, we're leaving."

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Anyone ever heard these words growing up or still hear them? When I say them, I literally mean it and I hate slackers. But I find out it doesn't actually mean that.

I was talking to one of my aspie friends on the phone and I was telling her about what I read in a book about AS two years ago. It was a book written for both aspies and people off the spectrum but it was mostly aimed at people off the spectrum so they can understand the condition better. I tell my friend about this short story I read in the book about a mother and her twenty year old daughter and they are going to the wedding, they are running late. The mother tells her daughter to get reading, they're leaving. The mother heads upstairs to get her purse and she goes back downstairs and sees her daughter is gone. She looks all over the house for her but she can't find her. So she decides to leave a note for her to tell her she had left so she does. Then when she got out to the car, there was her daughter. The mother tells her they are late and she was looking for her. The daughter told her she said said they were leaving so she went out to the car. The mother was mad and the girl couldn't understand why she was so upset. Even I couldn't understand how this was aspie related. I would have done the exact same thing and also not know why my mom be mad. I did what I was told. I told my friend this to see if she knew the answer to how this was aspie related.

My husband who overheard me said you are supposed to tell the person you are going out to the car. I told him she said they were leaving so shouldn't she have used her common sense to know her kid could be in the car. Where's her logic?
My husband told me "we're leaving" doesn't mean right this second, "get ready" means putting on your shoes, coat, grabbing your stuff.
The whole time all these years I have always taken it literal. Back when I lived in Montana, everytime we be heading out like to Missoula, I would be told we were leaving, I would go out to the car and be waiting for them and I would be wondering what is taking them so long. They were pokey little puppies. Then my mom would come out and then she would say "She's out in the car."
If it was just the two of us, mom would see me out there and say she was looking for me or say "There you are."
I think my parents eventually learned to always look in the car when we are heading out. I'm surprised they never told me what it really meant. Now I guess next time I hear this, don't go out to the car, just stand there and wait or keep doing my own thing until we are literally leaving.
My husband sure helps me out with this stuff. If I have a question about none aspies or how was something aspie related, I'm sure he will know the answer. He seems to see two sides of the world. My side and the none aspie side.

I really had to laugh at the extreme familiarity of this situation! When we are going somewhere later, I will ask my husband when we need to leave, then plan my day backwards from that time. I'll ask at least once more if we are still leaving at that time (he is known for making unilateral changes in plans without telling me). Five minutes before the official leaving time I'll go to the bathroom and gather my stuff. I'll tell him I am going out to the car (we take my car and I have to move my hiking/running stuff into the back seat). Very frequently he will grunt that I'm "rushing" him. He picked the time! The familiar part of your post is that about a third of the time he goes out to start the car while I'm in the bathroom and he is the one who does not mention it. Fortunately I know where to find him.

I think the message here is that past behavior predicts the future. Your mom should have figured out the first place to look for you was in the car.

I hate those words, with a passion. Those words bring back painful memories. If that's not enough, my mother was always on my back, rushing me more and more with each passing second, as I'd be having a meltdown. It got to the point that at the age of 19, I'd leave the house to go out, and come back home on my own accord, so that I would never have to be coorced, ever again.

This kind of thing has always been a problem with me too. When we have somewhere to go and no definite time is set for leaving, my husband, usually sitting on the couch, will say, "I'm ready when you are." So to me, that means he's ready and I say, "Okay, I'll be ready in five minutes." Then I gather up what I'm taking, my purse, my phone, things I want to drop off at the post office, or some item I'm taking with me, like food or something if we're visiting family or going to a party. Then I'll put on my coat thinking, that's it. I'm ready to go. But even though he said "I'm ready when you're ready, he's never ready. I have to stand there with my coat on and my arms full of things, while he pokes around, changes his shoes, goes to the bathroom, fills up his water bottle, looks for his keys. It makes me crazy.

We are ready, get leaving! topic

The above is approximately what my son says if he has offered to take me somewhere. He expects me to be ready when he is, though he knows I need more time.

My youngest will not leave the house until I am ready, as she does not like waiting in the car. She is the last one to leave the house and my son threatens to drive off without her.

State a time to leave, and give yourself a few minutes to get coat, keys, and other things so you will not forget them. I guess for my family and I it is a focus thing.

Wow, you really helped me understand this concept. My son with ADHD who has many parts of ASD but not officially diagnosed does this. The mom was mad because she had to search for the child, when this happened to me in the past I had a huge house and it took a long time to search every room (when you are already running late) just to find him in the car. I wouldn't get mad at him though. I praised him because he did not make me wait. Now I see what I need to do to help teach him the same method I teach everything else. This week it is teaching him not to throw his socks on the floor and leave them there..lol

Thanks for sharing,
LilaAutism

It makes me anxious/annoyed when people say they are leaving and then proceed not to leave for half an hour. I'm flustered until they leave.

yagottalaff said:

My daughter hears it all the time because I say it all the time. But I really do mean it when I say it. Like the girl in the anecdote she goes straight to the car, but that's a good thing because I really am ready to leave when I say it.

How about when people tell you to get ready as if they're in a big hurry and everything is urgent, but in reality, they don't end up actually leaving until about 30 minutes later.

It also pissed me of when my family say they were leaving or tell me "Beth, we're leaving" I would turn off the computer and head upstairs with my stuff, then be mad we weren't leaving. I got off the computer for nothing and turning it back on and signing back online and by the time I do all that, we are literally leaving. So I saw no point in that.

But in the past my mom would mean we are leaving literally but then it would turn out someone else in the family wasn't ready or my dad decides he has to use the bathroom or my brother was in the shower and she didn't know it or my dad decides he needs his insulin or he realizes he doesn't have his wallet so now he has to look for it. It still pissed me off. I expected them to do all that before leaving and expected my mom to know all that and make sure they were all ready first before bugging me. I used to say to my parents "Bug me when we are really leaving."

I was surprised my mom never told me this and my husband told me she didn't need to because she figured it out. She knew me so she knew where to look first thing. I said she still could have told me for future reference and my husband told me it doesn't always mean not right this second, it can mean right this second and if she told me, I would have taken it literal and be doing it every time by not going out the door on time. You have to read the body language and I said I have a hard time with that and he said that's why she didn't tell me. He was making that guess of course. He says everyone has to be careful what they say to me, even he has to be careful because I have gotten mad at him when he joke or believed what he said. I am always asking him if he is serious or if he is joking because I just don't know. It gets frustrating. He can laugh and say something and bam he is serious. He can say something and bam he is just joking. Even laughing is unreliable to tell that someone is joking. Great, back down the ladder again of telling when someone is joking.

My ex used to drive me bonkers, he'd say we were going somewhere, so I'd get ready and bam he still wouldn't be ready, so I would get anxious and start having anxiety. When he say we were leaving in a few minutes, I knew I had a few minutes to leave. But then i get anxious again when it wouldn't happen. He had to explain to me few minutes can be twenty minutes, a half hour or an hour, when he says we are going somewhere, he means any time today, he didn't mean now. But I still got anxious because I didn't know when it was happening. I always needed to know when. Of course i didn't tell him this because I didn't know why I was anxious and why I was getting anxiety for no reason. Now I think it was because I didn't know when to expect it and it was making me anxious and I was unable to know where these feelings were coming from. I would even flip out at his grand parents because I had no idea when we were leaving. I didn't even know why then I couldn't stay ten minutes there without an episode. I even get anxious when my own husband doesn't leave our apartment when he says he is leaving. He's joked about "You want to get rid of me." I have no problem sharing my space with someone but when they say they're leaving, I always expect them to leave. It just drives me crazy when people say they are going to do something and they don't. It makes me anxious.