need to figure this out. what am i?

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I need to know what I have, if anything. Since I learned about Asperger's, this is keeping me up at nights. Last night I was reading a book on Aspergers and I suddenly broke down and cried for an hour just from anxiety and uncertainty. Some people hate labels. I like labels! I wish everything had labels so I'd know exactly what things are. I NEED to figure out if I have Asperger's or ADHD or PDDNOS or what... I need to know where I fit so I can know what to do. My HMO won't pay for a diagnosis. None of my symptoms are very severe, I don't think, but they add up to a very lonely guy. Going to clubs does not work for me. I drove away every girlfriend I've had, and most friends. I am 24 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone in my apartment. If I'm an aspie that's fine and I'll work through it. If I'm not that's fine and I'll go about my business as usual. I can't tell if it's all in my head or if it's real. I asked my mom and she said some of it definitely fit... the sensory stuff, the social problems, the obsessive interests. I was very hyperactive as a child, and I almost certainly have ADHD. I'm rambling and I'm trailing off... I'm just very agitated and I don't know what to do...

The problem is, the labels they have now don't really fit perfectly or explain things very well. That's why the labels are going to change (you might have seen some of the threads about it..) It might be best to just put your worry on hold until then, if you're looking for accurate and clear labels.
Also, learn what you can from the labels, but try to see yourself outside of them as well as inside while you're thinking about these things, instead of always putting yourself inside the labels. That's helped me a bit.

What might help is to look at the criteria of each of the things (labels) you think you have, and then see how many traits fit you. Don't just evaluate yourself, but ask your family members and other people who know you well. If you're close with your mom, then ask her. I suggest that you discard any traits that your mom does not agree on you having, and see how many traits you both agree on. If you still meet the diagnostic criteria, then it's worth looking further into that condition, i.e. reading about it and discussing it with people who you feel can help you figure it out better.

Thanks guys. I'm going to write out some of the traits here and see if that helps.

These are from WebMD. I'll put yes if it fits, no if it doesn't.

Aspergers:
deficient social skills - yes
dislike change in routine - no
lack empathy - I don't know, mom says yes
unable to recognize subtleties of speech - maybe
formal style of speaking - yes
avoid eye contact - I say yes, mom says no (maybe I don't avoid eye contact with my mom in particular?)
unusual facial expressions - no, as far as I know
special interests - yes
one-sided conversation - yes, especially as a child
motor issues - yes, somewhat; I was an awkward, unathletic child, and I'm a clumsy adult
sensory issues - yes

ADHD - inattention:
careless mistakes - yes
easily distracted by small stimuli - yes
inability to sustain attention - yes (unless it's something interesting!)
difficulty finishing tasks that require concentration - yes
frequent activity shifts - yes
procrastination - yes
disorganized work habits - yes
forgetfulness - yes
failure to complete chores - yes
shifts in conversation, social skills - yes

ADHD - hyperactivity:
fidgeting - yes
getting up frequently - yes
running or climbing excessively - as a child only
have difficulty playing quietly - no
always on the go - as a child
talking excessively - sometimes, especially as a child

ADHD - impulsivity:
impatience - yes
difficulty delaying responses - yes
blurting out answers before question finished - yes
difficulty waiting my turn - yes
frequently interrupting others - yes!
initiating conversations at inappropriate times - ?

The ADHD is unambiguous... still not sure about the ASD... I'll think about it more...

You might want to poke around here a bit, and use the search function. Reading about "lack of empathy" and any number of other things can sometimes be strange when the author is writing from an outside-in view. I.e. Some people feel immune to other's emotions, other feel invaded by them. The unusual thing seems to be few in the middle. There are parents (and a few fMRI studies) who are baffled by the "lack of empathy" thing, given how their (confirmed dx'ed) kids are. Some people develop what seem like Tourettish symptoms after socialization stress -- but I'm not sure that's written about in any books at this point, but you may find it talked about here (I first heard of it elsewhere; can't remember if I've seen it here or not).

Anyway good luck.