Autism Labelling

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I have read a number of posts where people have been in awkward situations because of their autism and have either verbally snapped at someone or have started to avoid those situations altogether because they are reluctant to explain to people they have to interact with in their day to day lives like a cashier in a shop or someone from tech support. Even on wrongplanet people use terms like the A-word as though even here it cannot be named. I have also read people saying their reluctance stems from other people's reactions to using autism or AS to explain personal comfort zones to people they say people assume:
"I have autism"=I have autism so I don't have to do X.
"I have autism"=I have autism so it's okay for me to act this way
"I have autism"=I have autism so it's okay for me to be rude

I admit these outcomes are possible and there are almost certainly people who use autism as a crutch to avoid life but I also wonder how it is better to go through life denying it by not telling people and having to continually deal with awkward situations that for an NT would be totally normal.

I am not promoting using autism, AS or anything else as a crutch but I have personally found that upfront honesty gets me much farther than trying to bumble through a stressful situation where I am very uncomfortable.

There are always people who will assume the above statements are true which I am quite sure in general they are not.

Personally I hate having to apologize for every time I accidentally say something in the wrong tone and therefore my meaning has been misconstrued or I have misinterpreted a situation and gotten myself backed into a corner (which unforetunately happens all to often).

If people understand where I'm coming from then the apologies are fewer and in general I am much happier in my day to day life. Obviously you can't go around telling everyone you encounter but for people you see regularly in problematic environments I've found it useful.

Of course there are those intolerant people who will always think it's an excuse but they are just close=minded jerks who would rather live in a bubble where everything in the world works just the way they want it to and everyone in it should be exactly the same.

Sorry for the rant but it's hard to deal with all the shame and fear people seem to deal with and the seeming lack of respect they expect from other people. I also have cerebral palsy and there are people who use all those excuses to try and get out of accepting the fact that I honestly can't physically do some things and occasionally need a little help but in that respect I have a right to help and accomodation so why not with the AS as well. Why must we make all the effort in a world we so often don't understand and find overwhelming and everyone else should make no effort at all?

I see you took those words right out of my post but that's okay.


There have came times when I did want to say I have AS to explain why I'm literal or why I said the wrong thing or why they need to be specific and give me clear directions and not leave holes in their instructions. If I said I have AS, then people might have assumed any problem I have must be the AS and make things easier for me such as giving me reminders to do something because when I am told to do something but get told to do it after I am done with a task, I tend to forget. I have to do it now then. Even writing things down can help but then it doesn't occur to me to look at the note pad because I forgot I wrote it down. So what I need are reminders. That could be my ADD trait or whatever. I know how forgetful they are. I'm surprised I kept my job without getting fired. Maybe if I walked around with a sign on me saying "I have Asperger's so please tell me if I am in your personal space" when I had a job in Montana, I might have not gotten complaints because then everyone would have just excused my behavior or tell me to back up or move away because I am standing too close or move my cart. But no, because I look normal, they assumed I was rude and complained about me and I thought they were all picking on me finding something to complain about. But once my mom told me about the personal space rule, that sure help out a lot. I felt gypped she never told me or anyone else but she claims she did tell me and my therapists and I said I didn't care.
I don't even remember. I do remember thinking everyone else was strange because girls on my softball team had an issue with me standing "too close." Even my mom used to grab my shirt as if I were a child when I get too close to people when we be in the mall and I didn't know what her problem was. I figured if it was an issue for strangers, they would say something. I was aware aspies had issues with personal space but I wasn't aware I had that issue too. I just figured it meant aspies don't listen when you tell them to back away because they don't understand but me, I listened so I thought I didn't have that trait.

When people know very little about the condition, they assume every problem you have they don't have must be your AS. Not even thinking it's part of something else you have that is comorbid. But then you can say something rude on purpose and people might think you didn't know any better because that is how ignorant they are. My husband can tell when I am being rude on purpose. See he knows the difference. I have never tried to intentionally say mean things to him. Even I can tell the difference between meanness and an aspie not being mean. Hard to explain.

I can tell when someone is using their autism as an excuse and when someone isn't. It depends on the context and situation when those words are used. If someone said something bad and the person complains about it and the person goes "I'm autistic" and there's no apology or no asking questions about why he or she is upset by it, etc. Then I know it's an excuse and the person doesn't want to take responsibility. But if they apologized and then explained their autism and saying they sometimes say the wrong things and don't even know it, I know they aren't using it as an excuse. They are just explaining.

Someone once said on here some people don't know the difference between excuse and explanation. So when people try and say what condition they have that is invisible, people think it's an excuse than a explanation. Must be an impairment they have

As far as my using the term A-word for autism, as if it were somehow forbidden....I picked that up from my pre-assessment days on Wrong Planet, when I was reprimanded for using the term autistic to describe myself since I did not have a diagnosis.
I am prone to taking certain things to heart very easily and then not being able to break free from them...
Even though I was assessed as having Asperger's (and I have said this a zillion times)..and the lady at the AS center who assessed me said that I could treat it as a diagnosis...I know that it is not a real diagnosis and I can't treat it as one...so I can't tell people that I have Asperger's without totally feeling like I am lying...and though I have, on occasion, (usually some very uncomfortable occasion) told people that I was slightly autistic, the act of doing so has always set off some weird feedback loop inside my head...

The last time I told someone, it was the female partner of another venue owner. She herself, is a very odd and blunt person...who could very easily be on the spectrum, and she asked me if I was kind of autistic, and noted my complete lack of eye contact....and I was in a rare lucid and jabbery mood, and I talked about it a bit...and now, whenever I go back to that venue, I have the odd feeling of being scrutinized...which is likely all in my head....but it makes me feel more awkward when I am in there than usual.

As my partner Flakey would put it, nobody thinks about it or even cares.....but it still bugs me.

I help run a venue, and i am constantly subjected to loud music and difficult people..
I once unintentionally yelled at a skinhead guy because I have a short fuse when I am overloaded and the music was really loud and he was refusing to understand that the water cooler he was asking about was right behind him even though I told him over and over again. He complained to my partner about me and my partner explained to him that I was kind of autistic....(first time in history, ladies and gentlemen) Anywhooo...Howyousay...
I don't mean to yell at people.
I don't feel like I have the right to be rude..
But sometimes I come off that way, and I am not always able to apologize. I wish that it was ok for people to have an understanding about me so that maybe they won't take it so personally.
Another example is that there are people who I see every day who I can't interact with even though they are around all the time. It is not their fault that I have a weird hangup about people I have not been formally introduced to. There are really only very few people who I can interact with informally.These are generally people who I have happened to know for years.
The girl who gets paid to come over and clean is friends with everyone at my place and I have not been able to have a single sentence of conversation with her.
There is a guy who totally sets off all my stress buttons if he says anything to me other than asking for a beer...but he is one of our helper-volunteer people who is around all the time and Flakey says he is a very nice guy. I can't talk to him because we never established an initial rapport....or the one we did establish was negative due to my perception of him.

I don't want to use AS as an excuse for my rudeness and stubbornness and difficulty with talking to people..
I know that they are doing nothing wrong and I should be the one willing to change..but it isn't easy.
It seems easier that they just know about my difficulties.
I will repeat that I feel bad when I am rude to people, but I am not always able to apologize.
I can be mean to Flakey, I have a short fuse and am easily stressed out.
He shut my laptop on me while I was viewing something...and I cursed at him like a pirate and called him bad names in front of other people....I felt bad about it afterwords...but it was my gut reaction to his invasive act.
I will have meltdowns and I will scream all kinds of bad stuff....I apologize later...he is used to it...I don't know how to stop the things that come over me sometimes...

Geeze I have been rambling so long I have missed my point....