Random ranting.. Advice maybe?

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Maybe it's boredom, Maybe it's just I need to explode my thoughts onto a forum of users that don't know me and get advice.

So ya, I am now 18. I am living in Mass. to attend college to see if I can hack it. I am depressed less, relaxed more. Sounds good right? Well it should be good, except it's not. I have a loving family, lots of support, basic needs met, and extras (laptop, web, games, etc).

For some reason there seems to be a void. I don't really know. I guess I am confused about some stuff. Like what I want in life. Yes, I know I am 18 and should not have everything (or most things) figured out. It's not so much that I want everything figured out either. It's more of a want to be something more then most people are. I don't mean like a super hero or dumb stuff like that, but I know I won't be happy with a 9-5 job. I want to change the world, start a company the makes new tech, I want to invent time or space travel. I want to start a new world order.

All of those are pretty dumb ideas really. The ideas themselves are ok maybe, but they are unrealistic. Quite frankly I am not smart enough to do most, or any, of those things. My "IQ" may be over 130 (low on here it seems) but I feel rather stupid most of the time. So what if I can write a forum post typed correctly in essay format? What does it matter if the response is "tl;dr" (too long, didn't read). So what if I can hold a good conversation if I have nobody to discuss with.

I have Aspergers. Thats a fact. Yet for some reason I really have started to hate routine. I also, when I do meet people (rare as that is) have gotten to a point were I can pass for "mostly normal". I also seem to pick up on many "cues" that people with AS typically miss.

Yet I have basically no friends. In real life anyways. Most of the people I did consider friends I either don't talk to much or just have faded away. I get along with people older then 22 better then people my age. Online it's sort of funny. On a few sites I am on I have "friends" (as much as a face and profile can be). I have even talked to some of these people on chat and a few times on voice (skype, phone, or Vent). It's also strange to me that really no female has ever looked twice at me in life, yet most of the "friends" I have on other sites are indeed female. Maybe thats because of who I am really. I am the person people don't take a chance to get to know, but online people can browse and talk to new people at a comfortable rate to them.

It's funny in a way that my luck with relationships has been so bad. I am what so many girls "claim" to want: Funny, Smart, Caring, Loyal, Honest, not sex obsessed, I don't judge, I am not sexist, I am not a jerk, and I have never treated females as objects.

What girls seems to really want is an athlete millionaire on top of all that. I don't fit those two sadly. Also maybe somebody can explain why so many girls say they want all those things but really always seem to end up with an abusive jerk?

Maybe all I need to be happy is friends and a relationship. But if that were true, It looks like I'll be sad for awhile. Maybe I have issues with girls because of a stupid thing that happened back in 2005 involving me falling for a girl who really was an emotionally damaged crazy bi-poler emo chick who never appreciated the fact I was always there for her and pushed me away. Sure, she hated me, and sure I may have been abit of a fool, but she really did a number on me. You would think 5 frickin' years is enough time to get over someone like that. I mostly am, but some scars fade slow >.>

Although all of this could be just me! I don't get out much after all. Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I do try to hard. Perhaps I am to blame.

Ah, blame. Thats another thing. I blame myself, irrationally, for almost everything involving a problem in someones life. Man I hate that.

Yes, lets talk about my flaws! Well.. theres the blame thing. I am also not great looking (see: http://vampirefreaks.com/Blitzstryfe - note that 7/10 friends on the first page of my profile are female (irony?)). I hold myself to stupidly high standards when doing something. I guess I must do something wrong because socially I am a mess. I am overly honest. All in all I guess I am a bad person. Thats what the world is telling me.

On a side note, is it normal to be 18, straight, a guy, and not care about sex?

In the end I am just a sad lonely dreamer.

Anyways, I am very sorry for this post. I needed to vent. WP seemed like a better place then others.

Because there are so few like you around?!

You sound to me like a realist who is not afraid of a challenge, so give the uni a try and see what happens. Wine and women will not help you be successful there or anywhere, so never mind about that or them for now ... and if you get an opportunity to go on a foreign field trip of some kind or to help do some on-site research or excavation somewhere, go for it and keep an eye out for the possibility of becoming the next "Indiana Jones".

If there really are so few "like me" in the sense of being a semi decent human being, then well... ya. Thats sad.

Wine and women seem to come after success, or so I am told. I don't really care about wine much, and the female thing has just been a really annoying point in my life, its as if I am not good enough or something.

Being Indiana Jones would suck in real life. There is no "restart level" or "Cut, redo scene" when you get squashed by a bolder in life. But if there were, that be cool.

Thanks for the advice though, sorry if my response seems bitter.

It doesn't sound bitter. It sounds like you've got your head on straight. Yes, any opportunity to travel or study abroad, go for it. Nothing more eye-opening than to see how the other half lives. Good luck at the university. I think you will go far. Please work on life extension (or time travel). I would like about fifty more years.

I agree with the whole not wanting a 9-5 job. And don't think time or space (deep space that is) travel is impossible There are scientists working on it. I actually wish I was a quantum physicist so I can help work on string theory. Or a famous photographer.

Don't put all girls into the same group. I don't want a rich athlete. Money is what causes the most arguments and break ups and I hate it. I'd prefer a skinny or less toned body than a muscular one.

I have my own problems with relationships. The whole going out and doing things and meeting your bf/gf's friends. Then there's the stupid little arguments. I don't want to deal with it. Looks also don't mean anything to me. The good looking guy usually ends up being a jerk.
One reason why girls turn out with an abusive or jerk for a boyfriend usually has to do with their father. If their father ignored them emotionally they'll usually end up dating or getting married to a guy like that. Or so I read about in a psychology book.

I apologize sincerely for group girls like that. It was a stereotype/mass generalization and I am sorry for doing that. I should not have done that as I hate such grouping myself.

What I meant to say was: It seems to me that a large amount of females I have met fall for the jerk. The Athlete/Money thing just seems to be what I find girls seem to "want" without saying.

Not all girls are like this, and I am sorry if my comment was offensive. This was a general statement based on personal experience and bitterness to my own relationship status.

It does seem to me though that many females have unrealistic standards for guys. Though guys suffer the same problem in reverse.

That's ok. Even some 'experts' use that stereotype. There must be many women like that. I think going after a rich man is quite a selfish thing.

have a vent and a rant.... It is a good place to do so, if you need to.

Indeed, and thank you for allowing me to do so.

At times, maybe, but I see nothing wrong with a woman looking for security where it might be available. Even the tradition of the diamond ring began, I have heard, on the responsibility of a man to give his bride something up front that she could later sell and use for her living expenses if he died in battle or something.