What is post Aspeger's and how to change for the better

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28 Dec 2016, 7:00 pm

I've known for a about a year I have Aspeger's but I can't seem to become the post Aspeger's person I want to be and permanently change to
I get closer to a divorce because my wife see no real lasting change after knowing I have Aspeger's with nothing permanently changed for the better
Really need help before I lose my wife with her being worn out

kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2016, 7:02 pm

What are some of your wife's grievances?

I hope you remember her birthday and your anniversary. And get her gift (or at least flowers) for both.

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28 Dec 2016, 10:18 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

What are some of your wife's grievances?

I hope you remember her birthday and your anniversary. And get her gift (or at least flowers) for both.

Her grievances are that I don't give here enough attention, get mad at bad drivers, don't listen well, grumpy, want to much time to myself, melt downs that make me look nuts, I have to agree with her but need help how to change and make it stick when Aspey's can't change somethings at all
Thanks

Goth Fairy
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29 Dec 2016, 1:30 pm

May I suggest looking up Maxine Aston on Amazon? She writes books with advice for couples dealing with Aspergers, and they have some very positive reviews. I have not read any myself, but she is the person I will be going to see for my AS assessment.
(I would send you a link but I'm in England so it's the UK version.)
You may not be able to change certain things, but there are ways of working around them and understanding them that will make things easier.

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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 149 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 73 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

kraftiekortie
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29 Dec 2016, 2:29 pm

Aspies CAN change---especially if they use their cognition and their logic.

Logically, you shouldn't yell at bad drivers because then you'll cause a road-rage incident in which you or the other person might get arrested.

The others things can be worked on as well.

Having Asperger's doesn't mean you have to "stay the same."

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29 Dec 2016, 2:43 pm

Goth Fairy wrote:

Thanks for the book recommendations

leejosepho
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29 Dec 2016, 2:43 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Having Asperger's doesn't mean you have to "stay the same."

Exactly. My wife and I were already divorced when I went to her and told her I was determined to become a decent husband no matter what might be required of me. She was willing to give me a shot at that, I went to work and now we have been inseparably re-married for over thirty years.

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29 Dec 2016, 2:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

There's things that just don't change for me, like bright lights, barking dogs, loud noises and textures

kraftiekortie
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29 Dec 2016, 2:55 pm

I understand that. I understand the sensory aspect really sucks.

I was quite sensitive to sounds and textures when I was younger.

I was also classically autistic until age 5.

But there are some things one can change.

Sensory things sometimes get better as one ages.

By the way: I don't think you're an "excuse-maker." I think you feel stymied by your Asperger's.

I can tell you that there are some things you can really change.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 29 Dec 2016, 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BTDT
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29 Dec 2016, 2:55 pm

I found it helped to go out on a "date" every weekend. One day would be her day and we would go somewhere within driving distance. Perhaps visit an art museum two hours away and have a nice dinner or lunch.

kraftiekortie
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29 Dec 2016, 4:44 pm

Being an ironworker is really cool.

I can never become one. I'm too clumsy.

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29 Dec 2016, 8:24 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Being an ironworker is really cool.

I can never become one. I'm too clumsy.

I'm phasing out ironwork with how hard it is on the body and going into structural inspection to use my head over my body

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