Intrusions into your private life

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I assume as aspies, most of us resent intrusions into our private lives.

I would like to discuss some ways we can let other people know that we resent their questioning/intrusions without being seen as a jerk. Lets hear some of you comebacks.

How would you answer the following questions? (I add my answer in italics and you can add yours)

1) Are you in a relationship?
I do not discuss my private life. I've had bad experiences with doing so in the past and I prefer not to. I have known an aspie who answers this question with [i]end the discussion!

2) Why have you disappeared for days?
I was having a personal problem which I needed to take care of and shall not discuss it at this time.

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?
I have no idea

4) What are you plans for the future?

I used to tell people some of my plans until I realized that some of them would become resentful and even tried to sabotage my plans and/or discourage me from following them. These days I usually reply with, I don't know. We'll see.....

What do you do if a fella wants to ask you out Alla?

1) Are you in a relationship?

Yes


2) Why have you disappeared for days?

Huh?

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?

I don't know


4) What are you plans for the future?

Getting knocked up

If he asks "can I take you out" or "will you join me for coffee/lunch/movie", I will answer yes/no depending on whether I like the person or not.

I have lived abroad for a while and have had older unmarried men ask me, "so what do you intend to do after you graduate?". It was obvious they were looking to get serious with someone like me. I get asked this a lot these days.

Have you ever actully found it beneficial to let someone know you resent something?



That greatly depends upon who is asking, and why. So, and especially with strangers, I first ask why someone is asking ... and if I suspect someone is just being nosey or trying to sell something, I tell them I only answer personal questions from people I already know (and trust).

I am unusually open about my past and about who I am. Part of this stems from the fact that if someone asks me a question, I feel strongly compelled to answer it honestly. It's also because I always see the best in people and assume that most people I know are good people, and so I'm far too trusting. Those questions I would probably answer:

1) Are you in a relationship?

No, and at the moment I don't want to be.


2) Why have you disappeared for days?

Unless it was an embarrassing physical problem or something that would be likely to upset others, I would probably answer honestly.

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?

Preferably alone, and not in a crowded city - apart from that, I don't mind.


4) What are you plans for the future?

Unattainable.

The only things that I will not tell people are any hostile, wrong or nasty thoughts I might have (I don't lie about these I just keep them to myself) And I've learned from experience not to tell anyone who I feel attracted to.

1) Are you in a relationship?
How's your love life going

2) Why have you disappeared for days?
Awww, did you miss me?

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?
How many people do you know who were correct in their predictions?

4) What are you plans for the future?
For your future? None. I thought l'd leave that for you to decide

I just tell people that it's none of their business to all of those personal questions. I think that people ask us such questions, to compare us to the mainstream in a roundabout way, and I wish that people would mind their own business and worry about their own lives.

I don't really see it as being nosey. My trust issues are improving and I would prefer people to be interested in me than ignore me. I would answer those questions openly and honestly, but if it was a stranger asking those questions I would be more reserved until I got to know the person better. If I didn't want to answer a certain question I would give a short reply and hope they just drop the subject. I'm not usually asked these types of questions so I would be more open with questions about my personal life and give people a chance to get to know me.

1) Are you in a relationship?
Define relationship.

2) Why have you disappeared for days?
-shrug-

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?
You must have the wrong person (I do not attend uni).

4) What are you plans for the future?

-shrug-

For those of you who are young and have replied saying that you would answer honestly and that it is not an intrusion into privacy, I know where you are coming from in a way. Before the age of 25 I thought like that too, thinking that people were trustworthy and that only the most necessary things should be kept private. I did not realise how untrustworthy most people are until I had them "bite me in the butt" by revealing details I had told them or assuming things that were not even there based on a few of the facts I had revealed to them. I've even had this done by members of my extended family so who is left to trust?

I am glad that someone here sees these as personal questions. And you are right in that they ask them in order to compare how mainstream we are.
What I want to know is why in the world people get angry at me when I refuse to answer personal questions like those. When someone tells me that something is personal, I don't get angry and try not to ask personal questions in the future. I also tend to respect people who keep their personal business private.

I think they get angry because they've basically come up to you saying "Give", fully expecting you to give and you've thwarted them unexpectedly.

Of course, they don't think of it in those terms, and think that you're being rude and difficult, whilst the little voice at the back of their brains, is still shouting "Give!". So they're angry.

I think that's why a slight diversion like asking them a question sometimes works, as it puts more thoughts into their brain, hopefully diverting attention from their little shouty "Give!" voice.

questions like the first one I almost always try to answer with a question like "are you?" people really only want to talk about themselves anyway.

1) Are you in a relationship?
Yes.

2) Why have you disappeared for days?
I was busy doing stuff.

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?
France!

4) What are you plans for the future?
(People tried to sabotage your plans? I don't think any of the people I know would do that..)
Anyway, my future plans would give away who I am, and I'm trying to stay anon on this board, so I'm not gonna answer this. :B

I think it's good to give short answers that sound like they may or may not be completely serious/accurate, and don't give much detail. That way you don't really reveal too much of yourself, and also you don't bore or annoy the other person with your troubles or anything. :3

1) Are you in a relationship?
No.
1b) Why not? (I hate this one.)
Because I'm too busy solving the Riemann Hypothesis. Females are a distraction.
1c) Ah, come on! You must have some kind of love life.
No, honestly. My love life is like the empty set.
1d) You'll find someone.
Is this some kind of proposal? Alright, but I'll only have sex with you. (If it's a (pretty) female asking.) In case you're gay, don't bother. (If it's a male asking.)

2) Why have you disappeared for days?
They never ask me this.

3) Where do you think you will live after you graduate from university?
In the same apartment where I live now. It's spacious, comfortable, and affordable. So why leave?

4) What are you plans for the future?
Solving the Riemann Hypothesis. Living comfortably off the millions I'll win by solving the Riemann Hypothesis (see this link), or by winning the lottery. Otherwise, still living comfortably, with a little bit less money.