Anybody else a self-harmer?

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I just wondered if anyone else did self-harm?

- I've been doing it for far too long and now I've lost the support that was supposed to help me stop... this gets a worse reception from people than the knowledge I have Asperger's...please don't tell me off for it I've heard that before. My mum doesnt understand at all- she probably thinks I've stopped and it was hard enough telling her the first time.
It sounds terrible but I have self-harm to thank for my diagnosis- it was my counsellor who referred me to a consultant who diagnosed me with AS. I doubt I'd have been diagnosed for a long time if ever if i hadn't attended counselling.
I've been on my own a lot the last few weeks which isn't helping. I have no-one to keep me occupied and I've been feeling quite low and lonely.

Before the time I got into 3rd grade, when ever I use to have a meltdown, I would vent by slamming my head against a wall or door. It scared the crap out of my teachers and parents, but for me the release felt good since I didn't know how else to cope with stress.

Been there, done that....

Sometimes in times of stress, I punch and harm myself a lot. One time when I was having a very difficult time at high school, I bashed my head very hard quite a number of times on the floor. I wasn't in a very good condition for a couple of months, I walked around in a confused daze for a while and I don't remember much from that period, and nobody could help me because I didn't tell anyone until I told a psychiatrist many years later. I find hurting myself physically usually releases some of the anger and frustration that I am feeling, although it doesn't happen that much anymore.

When severely depressed, I've held my breath and attempted to smother myself with my pillow. I dislike pain, though, so this "attempt" has never lasted particularly long.

I tend to overeat--even when I'm not hungry or even full--out of boredom sometimes.

In most instances, self harm is a way to regulate intense emotions such as shame or anger. For a certain subset of people, behaviors such as cutting or burning do seem to work especially well, however, the catch here, is that self harm tends to be progressive, that is to say, what starts out as minor scratching may well evolve into more hazardous deep cutting and the like. Also, there is always the risk of scars and infections, neither of which are desirable. There are a number of therapies out there that are meant to teach emotion regulation skills and techniques (most notably Marsha Linehan's Dialectal Behavior Therapy). I would recomend that you try to get hooked up with a practictioner who is farmilliar with these. In the mean time, I suggest that you try to find safer methods of self harm such as wearing a rubber band on your wrist and using it to give yourself a good snap, or applying deep pressure to your body with an ice cube (this one seems to work especially well for cutters).

Good luck, and in the mean time, don't hesitate to use this board for support. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

-Scott
(28 year old aspie and mental health therapist)

Self-harm can be strongly addictive because of the adrenalin that is released when its done. This can make it very hard to stop. Its important to bear in mind that permanent scars can be left and infections can happen from it. It is an extremely serious issue.

WARNING: SOME GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION FOLLOWS



There is the oft-cited claim that hurting one's self is a cry for help -- possibly you will hope someone noticed and comes to your aid. Sadly, more often than not this *never* happens. And you do it in isolation, so how can anyone know?

I used to do the head-banging thing, and it hurt a lot. I subjected myself to watching hours of grisly footage from TV and horror movies (so, both real and fiction) to learn what sort of damage human beings could be put through since a young age.

I think after watching the movie Hellraiser, which refined what pain and suffering meant to me, I stopped really thinking about doing things like that. It was not easy, as I'll write about more in a sec. I thought that if there was ever something in the real world that came even close to the macabre tortures in that movie, that I should take care of myself and not take my health for granted. For the most part, it's worked and I've gotten better.

In short, I find horrific movies and horror fiction to be a fantastic way to help me deal with and internally discuss whatever fears I have. I realize giant fishhooks flaying the flesh and whatever related harm like self-mutilation and even the head-banging should be kept on the television screen, where those terrors belong. I recall the private hell I went through of my own, where I had this sick, sick interest in chewing off the webbing between my fingers. I DID it too, and it was very bloody. I didn't want to harm myself, but I found it so hard to stop. I exposed the raw knitted nerves and hid them when I went to school by wearing a pair of gloves. Also accompanying the head-banging were my nervous tics, and I wanted them to stop sooo badly too (I got made fun for it, as you can imagine). So after tic'ing for awhile and getting distracted, I'd go *BANG* against the wall. And it was pain, but it was an odd sadomasochistic sort of pleasure. But after reading more about what that does to your head in the long run, I didn't want blood and brain fluid leaking out of my head's orifices while collapsing with an exposed spine... so I stopped... over the period of a decade or so from my childhood to mid-teens. All of this was literally the Mr. Hyde to my (increasingly) positive disposition as a Dr. Jekyll "little professor" type. It took an insane amount of willpower and persistence.

Life's too short and if you're going to get addicted to an obsession, go for the ones that are good for you. Replace the bad with the good. It's hard, no doubt, and you'll struggle and wrestle with yourself a LOT. But that's the test: the test of how strong you are to overcome and become a better, happier person.

I self -injure too; I cut. It's caused me to be hospitalized so many times I've lost count. The past couple of times (12 days in Dec. '03 and 5 weeks beginning in May '04) I met a new Dr., and it was she who dx'ed me with Asperger's. I had never even heard of AS until then. I got some information about it off the web, and educated myself on it somewhat, and I came across some facts linking self-injuring to those in the autistic/ Asperger's spectrum, but it didn't tell what type of self-injuring it was referring to.
I'm not sure if I'll ever be glad about the diagnosis , but I'm glad I know that I can learn skills to make up for the deficits I have.
to those who struggle with this.

Cutting can kill. It is a very harmful way of releasing stress, and is something that should NOT be done. If you happen to be prone to practicing this self-injurious behavior, you should seek help. If you know someone who does this, you should try to get them help.

For more information on this self-destructive behavior, please see the following websites:

http://www.selfharm.org.uk/
http://www.selfinjury.org
http://www.nshn.co.uk/

Yeah. True enough. Sometimes though there is a blur. I once knew someone who liked to squeeze stuff for stimming, so she'd squeeze those little palm balls for stress release. Safe enough, right? But one day (I don't know how or why), she got ahold of GLASS objects and squeezed those. As you can imagine, the results were bloody and she had to get medical help for her cut-up hand.

I know myself that shaking my head might have been considered a stim, but it was harmful to my head over the long run (who knows, I could have got whiplash or another head-neck injury).

It's okay to have a "security blanket", even if you're an adult. People want to feel safe in this stressful world... that's good.

you would have thought stopping teens hurting themselves would be important to the government....obviously not. i would love to stop but i cant do it alone and that seems to be what im expected to do until im 18.

KtMcS- I dont know your age, but have you tried phoning childline? Or the NSPCC helpline, they could give you some advice, or listen to you express your feelings. There is a way out of this, though it might be hard to see right now.