Husband says this isn't laziness but I say it is

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I always say I'm too lazy to go to bed but my husband laughs and says I am not using the word right. He says how can I be too lazy to go to bed? I just don't want to quit the computer. I say I am too lazy to stop what I am doing and get up to go to bed and he just laughs. He says no I am just too far into my obsession it's hard for me to quit. I say that's what makes me lazy. He says it's not laziness and laziness would be not doing nothing. I said isn't sitting in front of the TV all day eating junk food doing nothing? That is sure doing something. I also say I am too lazy to eat, go out and do things, clean the bathroom. I get so stuck in what I am doing, it's hard to get out of. Okay I have grown up learning laziness means not doing something so I stick with that meaning. Or has that definition changed now?

I think laziness is more like not being able to get out of bed. What you are describing sounds more like special interest rearing up.

I know what you mean Spokane_Girl. Changing direction takes effort and sometimes it's hard to get the motivation. It's easier just to stay and do what you're doing.

I know the feeling; it's like inertia sets in and it's too much effort to change activity!

My mom and I have similar conversations. I always say that me sitting on the computer all day and periodically stopping to draw pictures or go outside for a run is being lazy, but she says that I'm just doing what I love.

I see unwillingness as an essential part of laziness. If you need to do something (eg. a household activity) and you avoid it cause you don't *want* to do it, that would be laziness. If you are too absorbed into another activity (eg. sitting behind the computer) but you would want to do the activity if you could break yourself out of the activity, that is not laziness. Also I would say that going to bed is not laziness if you avoid it.

The definition hasn't changed. You and he are both using "laziness" to mean "avoiding or putting off things that require a lot of effort".

What is different between you and him is that the things that require effort for you are different from the things that require effort for him. From your post (and also from living with my daughter and reading about AS), it becomes clear that people with AS have to put a lot more effort into making transitions than people without AS. To your husband (and to me), changing what we are doing requires no effort. Therefore, no reason to avoid it.

I'd call that "inertia"... you know, the tendency to keep going as you are, rather than stopping, starting, or changing direction. It works on human brains as well as moving objects, and autistic brains most of all. Some autistics have inertia so severe that even stopping or starting simple movements is difficult. Transition problems are another aspect of inertia, and also common. I've not yet found a solution to this.

I still have this. When I'm behind the computer I can never stop looking things up. Somewhat similar to you, I always thought this was laziness, I would never get my schoolwork done. Then was when I was very angry at myself for not doing anything, banging my head against the walls or tables. It is still as hard as it used to be, but I get some work done.

When I was in job training, I was always late getting of my break and lunch break because I get too far into the computer. But yet before I started taking the laptop to work, I would go in the break room with my manager where he have lunch and I play my DS and I was able to stop on the spot when he come back after putting his book away. I basically need guidance. Same as when I be working on my fanfiction after I started to bring my computer to work, I was able to stop on the spot. But when I decided to not go to the break room anymore and just hang out in the food court where there was Wi-Fi, that's when the problem started. Some things about myself don't make any sense. Why was it so easy to quit when break time be over when I be with my manager but yet I had difficulty quitting when I was on my own? But when he come and say when is my breaktime over, that got me to quit real easily. It's like something clicks inside of me and bam everything is easy.

But if my husband tries to get me to quit, I get upset. I guess my mind works different when I'm at work.

Is it like this for anyone else? It's as if I need people to keep me in line. Just like when I am at wok, I get distracted easily and get off task but I am able to get back on it but if I have someone watching me, I am able to stay on task. But I know no job isn't going to hire someone to be with me at all times so Beth can stay focused so I am on my own to have to try and stay focused.

There are two ways of getting around this. You can start getting in the habit of using mantras, which if you can become accustomed to are perfectly suited to our tendency of preserving thought loops. Basically, just keep repeating a short phrase that reminds you of what you're looking for.

The other way is to just 'go with the flow'. This is probably maladaptive, but I don't have a job so I don't notice it. It does offer an important lesson, though: if you're devoting all your attention to the problem, you can't think of the solution. Essentially, the idea is that getting worked up about the fact that you're trying to find something will send you into a preservative thought-loop in which all you're thinking about is the fact that you can't remember what you're looking for. So, be conscious of the fact that your brain needs a 'placeholder' for any given activity.

It might help to say it to yourself, but without vocalizing it. Note: this is different from 'thinking'- when all you do is think, one thought is but a drop of rain falling into the ocean. But, of course, you can't go around talking to yourself and not look crazy. So, find the proper halfway point where you're aware of how you would move your vocal cords, muscles, etc, without carrying it fully into fruition.

Dopaminergic neurons are a part of psycholocomotion, as well as learning. So, half-speaking a reminder word or phrase will actually help you remember it- that is why a common suggestion for remembering names is to actually say the name out loud when you hear it.