Do I have Aspergers or something else?

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Well at 15 I was diagnosed with mild Aspergers Syndrome, which happened to be the worst day of my life.

I'm now 20 and it's getting to the point where it's destroying my life. I really do not want to live anymore, girls I like call me weird, long time friends are starting to notice things (I swear I'm getting far worse) and I'm never involved in decision making with friends and seen as the tag along, I have a few mates and I'm only treated equally in one group, which would be my best mates that I've stuck by for the last 6yrs. I've known the others from the different groups almost as long but I know nothing about them, they just won't talk to me, and when I try to it sounds sort've forced and the conversation dies after the first sentence but they mainly just ignore me without even looking at me this is just girls pretty much, they just pretend I don't exist.

I'm thinking I might have something else.

I did have obssessions about fishing when I was 14 that seemed far to obssessive. However now my only interest is cars really and I don't really think about it much especially lately.
The problems I find with myself are, social, mental (weird thoughts and lack of emotions) and most of all brain fog.

I can understand, tone, cues, rythym and sound perfectly normal according to my friends but I don't move around much with body language, but that's because it feels exhausting, whenever I'm out with mates and we're all standing in a circle I'll always sit down, or lean on the car, I have no energy, and zone out into my own world because I'm simply too tired.
Also when I have more energy it seems every symptom disappears with the exception of running out of things to say in a conversation. When this happens I go blank I panick and say something quickly, flatly and it's always pointing out the obvious. This is because I don't hear every single word in a sentence, my brain just won't keep up, I'll hear the key words (say 4 words out of a 7 word sentence) and take forever to process a response for them. I feel as though my brain is literally lagging in conversation. I don't talk about an obsessive interest, or anything like that. Sometimes I do when I've completely ran out of conversation material, but will only bring it up to somebody whos interest it also is.

I've also been smoking marijuana every single day for 2yrs which is what I think has made be lose certain emotions, and caused heavy brain fog. I started smoking because it's the only thing that helps my sleeping issues, which is I'll fall asleep at 6am when the suns coming up, then wake at 3pm. Weed brings this back around 3hrs, when nothing else has worked.

I also seem to subconsciously mimic words I've heard in the last few sentences in a conversation. If someone says "it was sick as, how was the beach?" i'll reply "it was sick as". If they say "bye mate', i'll also say "bye mate". I also notice almost every time I say something I'll laugh afterwards and it's a silly robotic laugh sort've forced/flat hahahahaha, this has got to annoy a lot of people. I also seem to say the words "yeah""oh" "really" almost all the time in conversation, just because I lose track of the sentence almost every time, I just feel conversations go to fast for me. I also have a voice in my head that's like a police officer, if I want to do anything it brings up an immoral side to everything and just prevents me from doing what I want. Even things like looking at a picture of a girl I like, the voice says don't do it so I don't. It's that conscious or whatever they call it (the angel/devil person in each ear).
Also I can't express what I want to do ever when it comes to planning a night, because I feel second class and anything I want to do takes away from my mates, I don't want to be a bother basically.

I was one of the most popular kids in school up to age 8, then I moved got bullied (but why?) and my life has never been the same since.
I also can't stand being by myself, I need people to survive.

I feel happy sometimes (for no real reason my life sucks haha) but everything I put my heart into gets smashed back in my face, and that makes me fall into intense depression with suicidal thoughts (won't commit suicide, still far too young). Everything I've really really wanted I end up not getting and it happens in extremely hurtful ways, it just shuts me down. I mean you think you could move on and try again but not if you know you're the problem and the same thing is going to happen every time. It just makes you worthless.
I felt like I've had enough, I'm stuck right in the middle, not Autistic enough to be satisfied with myself and not normal enough to have a fulfilling life with friends. They say aspies can't understand language, however I pick up on everything and things most other people wouldn't. Actually I don't understand some body language but I still know what it means if that makes sense. I also have outbursts (I think they're called meltdowns), if there's no towels, dinner or clothes and I need to go out or feel crap due to no shower I go insane, huge anger. Also since smoking weed/in the last 2yrs I've had vocal and muscle tensing tics, which I never had ever in my entire life, I think they come when I block my emotions with that voice. Tics, lack of excitement and weird thoughts, and some degree of brain fog all came since smoking weed.

Would you say I have Mild Aspergers (the professional diagnosis) or something else? I should mention I was diagnosed through an intense peroid of school bullying, I was far worse during the diagnosis and wasn't myself, I didn't talk at all and he seemed to be completely off track in understanding me. That said I'm also severly impaired when it comes to 1 on 1 socialising, especially with a girl. You may say this is entirely normal, but I'm probably worse than those nerds in the movies, who stutter and end up running off in front of the chicks face. I was normal until 8, since then nothing has felt real, as in physically, It's like I'm in a dream or the matrix, I don't feel alive. Please don't tell me it's a gift, it may be for some but for me I'd rather be normal and in a wheelchair. I realised I've probably left a lot of important information out but not sure what it is, so I'll answer every question I can to find out wtf is wrong with me.

So what would you call me?

Thanks heaps in advance.

Last edited by jametto on 18 Jan 2010, 4:23 am, edited 3 times in total.

I'm no doctor. I don't know what other aspie symptoms you have or don't have so I can't say. I don't know you. Depression can seem to make your AS worse because those two add up. Doing marijuana can fry your brains out. My ex acted like he was on it because he was dumb and his thoughts were incoherent. Maybe that is taking toll to your behavior?

I have gone through a time where I thought I had something else than AS and thought I maybe don't have it anymore but those days are over. I also don't talk about my obsessions, I only do to my husband. I sometimes discuss them with my online friends but I don't talk about it all the time.

Look up Schizotypical Personality Disorder and see if it fits.

Just a thought but have you considered that it maybe ADD?

I think the symptoms are quite similar because I initially thought ADD sounded like me but on more inspection ASD seems to fit much better. My husband also has ADD and we are quite similar in some ways.

IMHO your peers' "development" is changing around you, rather than you getting worse. You're at an age where your peers are socially taking off -- learning and practicing how to be the adult a**holes they will someday be (and many other things). Amongst that is how to be very worried about image (including who you're seen with) above all else, including humanity, compassion, and empathy. On the upside, at 20 it's about the worst it'll ever be, though unfortunately it'll be some years before they calm down and start acting better.

But you're changing as well, of course -- obsessions and other things can change, and you grow and learn, as or not. And it sounds like your brain is getting tired and hitting the wall trying to keep up with the hugely increasing social complexity. You also probably have more responsibilities than at 15, which adds to the load. Managing/stress energy can be tough but important or you end up burning out hard.

You also sound depressed as hell. Maybe see your doctor, for the fatigue (could be low thyroid or something) and to get the depression addressed. Either problem will impair anybody AS or not.

Anyway, all just IMHO. Good luck.

Welcome to WP!

It sounds like you probably do have mild AS. Maybe the marijuana is adding to your tiredness. I smoked marijuana for a short time as a teen, and it always made me tired. My 4.5 yr old son who has some form of ASD, probably AS, has low muscle tone, and a lot of days he seems tired to me even when he has had a good night's rest. Maybe you could check into some type of vitamin supplements. I don't know which ones, but maybe you could go to a nutritionist or something. Maybe you could just go in for a follow up appt. with your doctor.

Also, what the previous poster stated is true. This is a tough age. Your friends are going in different directions, and trying to figure out their place in the world. It even happens to NT's like myself. But just hang in there. Maybe get involved in some type of group of something you are interested in, and you may meet others with common interest.

My husband who has not been diagnosed with AS, but has many similar traits, never had a serious girlfriend until his 30's. I think he was just extremely shy with girls. But don't give up hope, because when I met him, I found many of his qualities very appealing in comparison to many guys I had dated. You don't have to date a ton of women, there will be one special one.

My advice is to just keep your faith, and try to keep working on building yourself up for this time.

God Bless!

no one here is qualified to diagnose you and you can't be accurately diagnosed with anything while using mood altering substances habitually so if you want an accurate diagnosis it might be helpful to ask a substance abuse counselor how long a period you need to be clean from the pot before you are back to normal, drop the habit, give yourself a clean period, then go get re-evaluated.

No, it can't fry your brain. That's BS, it can't even kill you. If you're smoking very frequently then yes it can give you brain fog when you're not high, but it isn't permanent. Weed makes you burn out after the high wears off. If you're smoking kush then the burn out is even worse and gets you mad tired.

Another thing that could be making you feel tired is depression or anxiety issues. If you're anxious, then your body and mind is constantly cracked out and it's eventually gonna be worn out from all that energy being used.

According to all the things you pointed out, I'm dead certain you have AS. The things you pointed out are the major symptoms.

Anyways... welcome to WP. I hope s**t works out for you...

@alana: Yes, he can be diagnosed as long as he isn't high during the diagnosis. Even if he is, he's still generally gonna act differently when he's high compared to an NT being high.

Yeah, but you don't know what's in the weed. If you don't grow it yourself, you could be smoking drain cleaner for all you know. Or something much stronger that will hurt your brain.

Anyway, agreed with the "see your doctor" individuals. Physical illnesses can mimic, exacerbate, or even cause depression. You're gonna want to make sure you're not sick. Get a thorough check-up, and if you turn out to be physically OK, get a referral to a shrink and see if that helps.