Yes but everybody does that...

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This is starting to annoy me.

As i'm explaining to a few key people about my AS and ADD, this line keeps cropping up in it's different formats and I'm starting to get fed up explaining over and over that it's a spectrum and just about anyone could identify a few parts in themselves but it's the overall picture and it's the reason behind the action not just the action it's self etc etc.

I don't think it's deliberate and they may even be trying to make me feel better, but it makes me feel like they belive i'm making it up or exagerating, that they can explain away most of what i'm saying so it's not a big deal. Then i feel the need to explain more to justify more and of couse by the time i'm on example number 20 they really are things a lot of people experience.

I think i'm going to start flapping and running away from blue pens just so people can't say everyone does it.

One of my few friends said the same thing and I think he is probably right.

Most people do some of the things that make us weird... from time to time.

They call it things like; 'having an offday/moment/bad hair day.

The difference is that for NTs this really IS an exception.

For us it's just another day in Paradise.

I've experienced this same problem in the past, before my diagnosis, and it was annoying. But most of my explaining, upon reflection, was an attempt to convince myself that I was correct with my self-diagnosis, and to gain support and affirmation from those "key people", in my case meaning family members. Since my awareness of AS came late in life it was hard for them to comprehend and accept that I was any different than I had always been, no name or label could change that, no name or label was necessary, and in fact, it was annoying of me to present my "case" to them with example after example of how and why I was different. For me to tell them - and for them to accept - that I am different from them because my brain works differently than theirs is of no consequence to them, and even if my diagnosis came from the most renowned Autism specialist in the world, it would still be of no consequence to them. It's as if I were an apple who suddenly jumped out of the apple bowl and said to the other apples, "Even though I look like you and taste like you and have the same general properties as the rest of you, somewhere in my core there is a difference." They would tell me to shut up already and get back in the bowl. Essentially, that is what I have done. That is what my diagnosis has enabled me to do.

I received similar responses so many times from family and friends that it became quite frustrating. It was one of the primary reasons I sought out a formal assessment and diagnosis. I shared my diagnosis with the same persons who repeatedly rejected my self diagnosis for their various reasons. Most of them seem to accept that I wasn’t making things up and I was correct. A few still think I’m wrong (“but everyone does that”). If an official diagnosis after a full battery of tests and 5 hours of one on one time with a clinical psychologist isn’t proof enough, then they won’t ever believe, and there’s nothing I can do to help them understand or accept my fancy new descriptive label.

Not so much with the AS for me, but when I was clinically depressed (in my 20s) it was something I encountered a lot, esp. from relatives who just didn't understand. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" & "think positive" was my dad's response to clinical depression, he just didn't get it at all. These days people in my life seem a bit more understanding.

I can't stand it when someone says "Oh, everyone does that..." It pisses me off like no other.

You can demolish a comment like that by repeating the word 'everyone' back to the person.

It is can be very unbalancing and is most amusing to watch.


Try it and enjoy.....everyone does!

That really pisses me off to no end.

yes. annoying.
My relative who has an HFA son gets this from other mothers all the time. It makes her so mad. The other mothers have no idea what she and her son have to contend with...and ignorance is one of the issues they face on a daily basis, exemplified so magnificently by the statement that is the header for this thread.

Last edited by millie on 27 Jan 2010, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I find when I try to explain it to someone, I start off with the most mild of traits. I say I need routine, or I listen to the same songs over and over. They say lots of people do that and lots of people get obsessed with things. If I were to go deep into it and say sometimes when I'm really frusterated, I bang my head into a wall over and over... Or sometimes I do really complicated hand movements when I'm really excited. These hand movements look really weird and got me made fun of everyday when I was a child. I don't usually delve into those aspects until I've known someone for a while. Usually when I explain it to someone I've known for a while, they say it explains the reason for my emotional outbursts from time to time.

I think part of the problem for this very annoying response, lies in the way that Nts process information. To describe how AS affects us, to them, is usually perceived as either a bid for reassurance, or worse, a bid for pity. Thus, the "Oh, I do that too," response. This is intended as reassurance. Which, of course, we are not asking for, so communication breaks down.

My favorite response, when they say that everyone does the behavior described, is to reply:
Do they do it 24/7?

Not to the extent that it causes problems.

Is there really a reason to tell them?

That and "yeah but they're (other aspies) not like that"

Not to the extent that I do things.

Tell them about a really violent meltdown you had. That should shut them up.