"Phases" of socializing

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I go through these phases where I will socialize with people (mostly in message boards but with my family also) and then I'm totally wiped out and disappear for a while. This varies as far as time span goes....it can be a few day hiatus to a few weeks hiatus.

Even if I tried, I just can't socialize. I can't even think of anything to say. It feels like my brain has been wrung like a wash cloth.

Has anyone felt this way?

I don't really know what it is or why it is, I just wanted some insight if anyone had any.

This happens to me too so you're not the only one.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. People tend to get frustrated with me because they don't understand why I get this way. Some say I need to just deal with it because you can't just hide yourself away from people (I guess that's true). Others try to say I'm depressed and that's not the case. Also, people take it personally when this happens. I will explain that it has nothing to do with them, it's just me, but it doesn't make a difference.

Thank you.

I've had to make similar explinations to people. I just can't deal with it sometimes.

Happens to me, too. I just reach my limit. Can't seem to speak. Need time alone in quiet.

Once I explained this to a friend, so she would know why I wasn't up to chatting. She asked me more about it, wanted to chat. Apparently didn't get it. I didn't know what to do with that, so after telling her I felt she missed the point utterly, I haven't spoken with her since. It's uncomfortable.

Happens to me all the time, dear person .

Mics

How strange that a person would want to chat after you told them you didn't want to chat.

I'm sorry that it ended in not speaking with her though.

So I guess with all of you, Jak, Ladarzak, and Michhsta, you just "go" with the phases? I try to think up a way to socialize so I don't go through such long periods of isolation, but I haven't thought of anything yet.

Thank you for replying.

I experience this, and I have seen others describe themselves as experiencing the same.

You could describe it as suffering from "burn out" or merely as a need for "time-out" from the demands of socialization. Attempts to carry on in spite of this barrier can range from a mere lack of success (you try to socialize but just cannot produce the necessary behaviors, such as conversing with others) through to short or long term negative impacts on functioning and well-being.

Ohhh I tried for so many years to "pull myself out of it"......

And I found it made me VERY angry........and tired.......as I got older. So sick of WORKING at being friendly.

Now I just tell people to deal with it........I am 36.......I make no excuses for my seemingly anti-social behaviour.

One does not know just how hard it is sometimes.......unless they are going through the same thing.

I say "Would you prod a hibernating bear with a big stick? NO? Well, then leave me alone."

This is usually after I have tried the explanation niceties of how I am feeling and yada yada. IF they don't listen, I just tune out and back off. Take your phone out of the wall, only deal with what you have to deal with and be very kind to self.......just as it is like a hibernation of sorts......be ready for Spring, dear one!! ! It will change, it always does....everything is in flux.

Take care,

Mics

PS (my latest semi-hibernation has been going for 2 years.......I finally like myself. After spending some time alone with me, I realise that I am actually kind of cool. People mess it all up ) Sorry if my response is counterproductive.......

I do this all the time, but usually my phase of socializing only happens a few times a year. It's usually when I'm out of school on break so I'm not as caught up with the stress of school. But yeah, it kind of weirds me out when it happens because I usually don't talk to people at all, even on the internet.

That's just how I used to make attempts at being in the social scene, very sporadically. I would go out for a couple weekends in a row and then retreat for several months at a time afterward. It was too too hard in too many ways. I don't attempt to socialize much anymore but I can't say I miss it.

I suppose I go through these phases too. I can only spend a day socializing because the next day I'm just sick of people, I don't want to be anywhere near them and I'll say very little.
The last time I socialized I spent two days around people and it was horrible. I had a short temper after the first day. I was even over socializing before it was my usual bedtime. The second day I was silent and getting quite irritated with myself. Usually I can just turn off in a group conversation, but I got more and more upset and basically cried myself to sleep.
Now I'm a one-day socializing person and I usually take a week or two to spend time on my own.

Actually I am just starting to come out of a one or two month hibernation.

I can definitely relate to being wiped out after too much (by my standards) 'socializing.

I have read that that whereas NTs seem to have a social bucket; those with AS often have just a social cup

You gave a very good example about message boards.

I think I went over a month without posting here; or certainly over a month when I was posting very little.

This is in sharp contrast to my average posts per day!

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 29 Jan 2010, 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

I know exactly how you feel man from not being able to think of anything to say because your mind just feels empty. It sounds like you may have "social anxiety" My doctor prescribed me to a medication called lexapro and it helps me socialize more. I've been taking it for 3 1/2 weeks so I'm waiting for the full effects to kick in but when I do feel it im definately more interested in things and more willing to talk to strangers I've never met before.

I used to force myself to socialise a lot, because as far as I was concerned every hour I spent alone was another piece of evidence that there was something wrong with me. I was desperate to prove to myself that I was normal.

I burnt out time and time again, had bouts of severe depression, self-harmed, became addicted to alcohol and drugs, and then finally had to face the truth - that although I do need human closeness and interaction, I DON'T need - and can't handle - that diffcult, confusing, anxiety-provoking, tiring and - ultimately - BORING thing that most people seem to refer to as "socialising".

To the younger people here - I hope you figure out sooner than I did that It's just not worth it, man.

I used to have social anxiety so I know what it feels like to be around people with it and without. Even without it I don't say much. People with AS just aren't good at smalltalk.