Of whose social rules do they speak?

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So when I visited the homepage today, I noticed a passage saying that Asperger's can be best described as an inability to understand social rules.

In my mind this raises a question that I've had for a while now. As an eighteen-and-a-half-year-old college kid, I can't say my opinion on this is richly informed, but here's something I personally notice whenever I interact (in person) with another Aspie: I can read their tones, body language and other subtler indications of intent far more intuitively than I can with most neurotypicals, whereas my knowledge of subtle neurotypical interaction is 100% empirical because I'm relying purely on learning and memory to catch them and respond to them appropriately. Now, I do realize that just having some internal senses when it comes to interpersonal interaction can't exactly be termed "understanding of social rules"--solid social rules require a society with common thinking patterns, which in turn requires a geographically concentrated, sufficiently large population to encounter them in (as far as I know the "geographically concentrated" requirement has yet to be fulfilled for us), and it is true that subtle social rules not based on common courtesy, consideration or concern for the comfort of others don't impress me terribly much. But being insensible to subtle norms or triggers of interaction or personal comfort for neurotypicals is not the same as being insensible to subtle norms or triggers of interaction or personal comfort for others, period. I've always perceived it as a "language barrier," so to speak. What do you think?

Yeah, that's a great point. Me too, I have great social skills and rapport with other aspie-like people when I'm feeling comfortable, so I get annoyed that the number one defining feature commonly listed for AS is lack of social skills. But on the other hand I realize not all aspies are like me.

People tell me it seems like I don't have emotions, and that I'm hard to read, and I just see that as their lack of understanding. People do things that break my "social rules", even when I explain my own preferences, so from my POV, *they* are the ones who can't understand social rules.

Actually I do pretty well than most on the spectrum, I understand NT social rules, but I disagree with them and they think they are dumb.

I just see it as people operating on different wavelengths. If I go into a society of chimps or gorillas, I'm probably not going to get along all that well. I won't be able to read their body language and they won't be able to read mine. I won't understand their social rules. Even if I were raised by them, there is likely to be a difficulty in understanding just because we are different species.

Not talking about obsessions and talking like a Valley Girl.

Exactly - been making this point. I get on pretty well, with fairly consistent transmission of cues both directions, with a small set of others - all solitaries with Aspie features. All of us have an uphill struggle getting and being gotten by herd people. Two distinct systems at work.

I think you make a valid point. I don't think AS is "best described as an inability to understand social rules." I don't think AS can be described in one glib sentence without losing most of the meaning. I believe that I understand most of the social rules I've been exposed to....what makes them hard to obey is that in rapidly-changing social situations, my brain just can't keep up. But give me a questionnaire on social graces and I'd probably score quite high, as long as I had enough time to ponder the questions.

I understand a lot of the rules perfectly well, but I don't necessarily agree with them - as you say, whose social rules are they talking about anyway? The rules change depending on time, on where in the world you're from, on your social class or subgroup, on your political views.....I once lived in an Anarchist house where the unwritten rule was not to lock the bathroom door. It wasn't a rule that suited me at all, and I broke it, but I had some admiration for the way the group was bucking the normal social trends instead of the usual "ooh, you can't do that, it's not the done thing." In any case, in spite of the plethora of social rules whose disobedience seems to characterize us, I don't see much evidence that the people who obey them are being particularly wonderful to each other. What matters most, whether you truly care about somebody or whether or not you send them a Christmas card? If I were to shun people on the basis of their deviation from convention, I doubt if I'd have any friends left, and frankly I don't think I'd deserve any.

I knw exactly what you mean. I am a bit wierd NT's find it rude when you DON
T look them in the eyes but I see making eye contact as rude and threatening. I geuss I am kinda like a wolf or dog that way. Dogs and wolves inturpet eye contact as a challange and it is rude for dogs to get face to face. The only time I make eye contact is when I am trying to be intimadating or when when I feel like trying it with my boyfriend I know people concider eye contact a good thing so some times I will make eye contact with him for a few secounds ussually when we are having a serous conversation. Though it isn't very long.

I kinda want to do that for him at our wedding but not sure if I could hold eye contact through the who wedding ceramoney though I will atleast for parts of it.

Aspies don't lack social skills, we simply have different social skills to NTs.

I don't even pay any attention to body language or tone or anything but words. Words are much less ambiguous than posture. At school we read about how people judge someone in 0,25 seconds. Which struck me as an odd topic to discuss on a school that only accepts autistic students.