I seem "fine" to some . . .

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Sometimes when I chat at people I've just met, I somehow end up talking about Asperger's. Anyway, it seems very common for people to say something like, "You don't seem different to me." or some other such statement. It even seems to be somewhat common for people that sort of know me.

I have my suspicions, at least about me anyway. I think one, being 31, I've learned to kind of mask some of the more obvious traits. Another I believe is that often, at least initially, extended conversation tends to be based on those immediate interests or curiosities that people have about one another. For instance, talking about one's job or favorite hobby, etc.


Anyhow, does anyone else get this? Why do you suppose?

Cos you're older and you've learned to adapt.

I met two ASD'ers and I only knew they had it because they or others had actually told me so.

One was a guy my age and I knew he had it because his mother told me. I was talking to him and I was looking for Asperger traits...and the only remotely 'abnormal' thing I could find about him was that he said 'Oh poo' instead of 'Oh s**t', which is uncommon for young people.

i get that from people too. for my part, i think it has to do with the fact that i am undiagnosed, and i have always felt the need to be the "normal child", because my little brother was diagnosed with AS when he was 6 years old. so i always had to be the perfect child, who was never odd, or did anythign out of the ordinary. because of that, i spent alot fo my childhood repressing my personal oddities, so the things that would ordinarily mark me as "other" or different don't come out until i get really comfortable with people.

I get that too. I hide it well. I've only known I've had AS for about two years so I always tried to make myself appear as normal as possible.

The DSM IV criteria were written to aid in diagnosing Asperger Syndrome in CHILDREN, who have not had years of being reprimanded, excluded, verbally abused and discriminated against, which force a person to develop COPING MECHANISMS which mask the autistic symptoms, making them much less externally discernible.

Behavioral therapies may have a similar effect - the problem with both is that while they may change outward behaviors, they do nothing to prevent the anxiety, depression, social confusion and other internal difficulties that are Autism.

I get that occasionally. Most of the time, it comes from people who think that people only fall into three categories: Severely disabled, not disabled, and people with bad character. Since I don't seem severely disabled, and they don't think I am just being lazy/looking for attention/being immature, they default to "not disabled", even when it's fairly obvious that there are things that are very, very difficult for me.

The funny thing is, they think that this is a compliment, to say that I don't seem disabled to them. I wonder, do they go up to black people and say, "But you don't really look very black"?

Funny you should mention that, but I have seen quite a few black people complain that other black people are too pale. IE; Not black enough. Depending on where the person lives, mixed race children or even grown people (especially women) are mocked for being "bright" (light skinned). It is backlash because there was a time when being pale as a black person gave you better social status.

I get that. It's because I know enough to be able to survive short conversations, but it's hard work, and they don't see the amount of work going into it.
The people who do suspect something are normally those who are familiar with ASDs. I get comments like "I've worked in special education and theres something about you/you remind me of some of those kids/etc".

oh lord...at college I entered at first with enthusiasm and confidence....just because I'd waited for it for so long....all my friends said this....now that I'm having a bad aspie period they're acting like I'm an a***hole...The act of being normal this long period of time seems to have caught up with me..

Bless you for putting into words what I have been trying to say for so long. I have even tried to explain this to doctors. Maybe I'll print it out on slips and just hand them out.

Hey thanks for the responses. It's conversations like those that sometimes make me wonder--even though I've yet to meet anyone who could make such a statement under any sort of authority.

That's rather interesting insight that I hadn't really considered before.

As far as other responses, it seems like my perception of why is right in line with others. I feel as if I've adapted well enough, for the most part (especially from being married, my ex-wife has taught me a LOT). And I think you're right Callista, about the three categories; it seems that if you "have something", people expect it to practically smack them in the face (be it disability or poor behavior).

I've had some say the same, but I've also heard people say, "well, that explains a lot" when I tell them about AS. It all depends on the situation, I guess.

Hear, hear!!

I am 36 and have found a psychologist and psychiatrist who have observed me for 2 years........and looked past my checkered and horrible history......

For despite the years of therapy and obvious recovery from the things I was dx with in the past, I am still left with some fundamental issues that have not been dealt with. Due to the fact that they were not seen amongst all my aggression and fear and confusion.

If one feels like a cornered animal, one will generally behave like one, given enough time.

So, yes to the OP, I often get this from people.......and I feel like saying "Ha! You have no idea.......get inside this head and see how you feel". It is for this reason that I snort with derision at things people say and behave like a right arrogant snob and display my misanthropy like a male peacocks feathers during mating season........for it is this camouflage of mine, put into place for survival, that propels me to behave like a right nasty. I am working on changing that, with the help of my shiny new shrinks.

Lots to change, so I can be still and peaceful and joyful........and authentic.......and very, very pleasant.

Mics

Yep, I hear you.

My stepmother who was the principal of a school for children with special needs for many years, was the first to say something to me about 2 years ago. 1 year later, my new psych said the same thing. I denied it and said don't be silly.

Now my psych says she cannot ignore the signs.......it is possible if not probable, that this is the case. There is autism also, in my family. When I told my father about the possible dx, he sadly said "Finally".

Mics

I suppose I seem "alright" to other people, as well. But I've had half a century to build up a repertoire of coping mechanisms, as mentioned by Willard. I can almost pass for NT, due to having had to pretend to be one for so long, but I have always been painfully aware that I am not like those people, and that after a short time, they know it, too. I have only discussed having Asperger's with one person so far, and it was about as superficial as a conversation could be. He asked no questions, I offered no explanations. He is about as NT as it is possible to get, but I am convinced that his daughter has AS. So he has seen what it's like, and maybe he can compare me to bits and pieces of his daughter's life for some kind of reference point.

I don't know how discussing it would be with someone else, though. I think I have to be really careful of who I tell.

I think it's because I went through school learning to sit in the background of everything that was going on. After my first year at school I learned that most other students didn't like me so I kept to myself, trying not to be noticed. Now I've continued doing this so unless you know me well and I'm comfortable being noticed around you, if you learned that I have AS you probably wouldn't believe it. Like all the teachers I've had in the past..."She's just shy".