Do you find it hard sometimes to create smalltalk?

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zeldapsychology
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19 Jan 2010, 7:06 pm

for me standing in line is cool. (Oh you are buying the new Mario game oh cool the last one was great etc. on goes conversation)

I SUCK at regular smalltalk Wow it was real cold last week 33. (Job Coach: No I liked it) (end conversation)

OR Are you going to see Avatar? (her: No I don't think it's my kind of movie.) (end conversation)


I HATE when conversations go this way I like carrying a conversation not ending abruptly does anyone else have this issue and HATE when this happens?



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19 Jan 2010, 7:38 pm

I am a little stiff when I try to make small talk, but it does kind of end when I do this. Other than that, I don't really have a LOT of trouble when it comes to small talk.


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Maggiedoll
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19 Jan 2010, 8:09 pm

I cannot make small talk. I've hated it with a passion ever since the first time my mother explained to me what it was. I suppose I hated it before that, I just didn't know that pointless talking had a name. I hate, hate, hate the entire concept that I'm supposed to talk even when I don't have anything to talk about, and that I can be disliked or at the very least miss out on things, just because I can't talk about nothing. Seriously, how much sense does that make?



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19 Jan 2010, 9:40 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
for me standing in line is cool. (Oh you are buying the new Mario game oh cool the last one was great etc. on goes conversation)

I SUCK at regular smalltalk Wow it was real cold last week 33. (Job Coach: No I liked it) (end conversation)

OR Are you going to see Avatar? (her: No I don't think it's my kind of movie.) (end conversation)


I HATE when conversations go this way I like carrying a conversation not ending abruptly does anyone else have this issue and HATE when this happens?


No, smalltalk-- I cannot really do it. Even if I did know the common list of smalltalk topics I cannot and do not engage in it. Very uncomfortable with all of that (and a waste of time in my opinion).



Peko
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19 Jan 2010, 9:42 pm

all the time :lol:


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20 Jan 2010, 12:05 am

Small talk is overrated.



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20 Jan 2010, 12:14 am

Yessss. I've learned that if i can think of a question to ask them related to whatever the last thing they said was, that sometimes that can keep it going(for example, when she says "no, i don't think it's my kind of movie," you could ask if there's any movies she's seen lately or wants to see, and then maybe one of those movies will be something you have seen or could say something about).. And then if they say something that i can steer toward something i know about or have an opinion on i can sometimes keep it going(but then sometimes i run the risk of going into "monologue" mode). Sometimes it doesn't work, but oh well. If i want to keep a conversation going, i just try to think of questions to ask.. or find something in our surroundings to comment about.. Sometimes it helps, but it still doesn't go nearly as smoothly as other peoples' conversations.



musicboxforever
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20 Jan 2010, 8:01 am

Maggiedoll wrote:
I cannot make small talk. I've hated it with a passion ever since the first time my mother explained to me what it was. I suppose I hated it before that, I just didn't know that pointless talking had a name. I hate, hate, hate the entire concept that I'm supposed to talk even when I don't have anything to talk about, and that I can be disliked or at the very least miss out on things, just because I can't talk about nothing. Seriously, how much sense does that make?


That is exactly how I feel. I have developed a great hatred of parties. I felt like I was missing out, so I pestered and pestered my younger sister to let me go to one of her parties, but I was bored out of my mind. I just don't have anything to talk about. She doesn't understand it and has tried to give a few pointers, but I just don't seem to be able to conjour up any words in my head to say to people.

I tried explaining this to a friend of mine and he said, but I find you really interesting to talk to. I said, "yes, but I find you interesting to talk to." It depends on the person.



leejosepho
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20 Jan 2010, 8:05 am

musicboxforever wrote:
Maggiedoll wrote:
I cannot make small talk. I've hated it with a passion ever since the first time my mother explained to me what it was. I suppose I hated it before that, I just didn't know that pointless talking had a name. I hate, hate, hate the entire concept that I'm supposed to talk even when I don't have anything to talk about, and that I can be disliked or at the very least miss out on things, just because I can't talk about nothing. Seriously, how much sense does that make?


That is exactly how I feel ...


Same here, and I sometimes even get angry at myself for even trying.


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ursaminor
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20 Jan 2010, 8:05 am

Yes. My use of language is pragmatic and functional. My teacher does odd things, sometimes. When she comes in the classroom she says: "Good morning (...) How are you?" which she expects us to say but we never do. Also when I come up to ask a question, she says something like that, too. My natural sciences teacher never does this.



Asp-Z
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20 Jan 2010, 12:47 pm

I can't small talk, my mind goes blank and my conversations die very quickly.



Lecks
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20 Jan 2010, 1:46 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
I can't small talk, my mind goes blank and my conversations die very quickly.

This.

I am a master of long, awkward pauzes.

The best I can do is come up with a few questions on the spot (no more than 3 as of yet) but after that my mind is a vacuum. Largely because I have no interest in aquiring more information from that person, and aquiring information is the main reason I will initiate and/or extend a conversation.



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20 Jan 2010, 2:04 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
OR Are you going to see Avatar? (her: No I don't think it's my kind of movie.) (end conversation)


I HATE when conversations go this way I like carrying a conversation not ending abruptly does anyone else have this issue and HATE when this happens?

Want a small tip from an NT?
The follow-up question "Why?" is a good way to prolong a small-talk conversation.
You: "Are you going to see Avatar"
Her: "No. I don't think it's my kind of movie"
You: "Oh? Why is that?"

But to be fair: Very many NTs, too, find that small talk is boring, but for us it's a way of carefully getting to know a person's style and personality.



MudandStars
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23 Jan 2010, 11:46 pm

I have immense difficulty with small talk approximately 97% of the time.


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richardbenson
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24 Jan 2010, 1:20 am

i usually just listen rather than talk. but if someone is really intrested in me i'll unleash the madness, and more than likely wont hear from them again but thats ok.
oh by the way this has yet to happen but its the plan


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RhettOracle
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24 Jan 2010, 1:34 am

I've always had difficulty with small talk, and always disliked it intensely. I have no idea what to say to people I don't know. I try not to put myself in situations where I might have to do it. I can't talk just to hear my own voice. If I'm with somebody and we're discussing a subject that I know something about, fine. But when you come right down to it, anybody who wants to strike up a conversation with me about, oh, NASCAR or American Idol or some sports team is going to find out that I don't know the first thing about them, which will make me look stupid. To avoid that, I avoid them. I guess it sucks to be me, but idle chat, and the people who do it just bore me to tears. I can't help it. I can't schmooze to save my life.