Does my sister have autism or Aspergers, or just a weird NT

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I've been wondering the past few years whether my sister has autism or Aspergers (i think Aspergers because she is rather intelligent, but can't seem to put it together)

Anyway, here is what she's like. She's 21 and is probably going to fail out of college after 4 years (surprised it wasn't sooner). As I said she is intelligent, but she doesn't seem to have ambition or goals. She basically went to the college she attends because we suggested it. She didn't look at other schools, and she said she didn't want to go where I got my undergrad because it was "creepy" because it was in a really small town of 5000 and she just didn't like it. Her only real interests are her writing (though she hates being criticized about it, and being an English major, thats what its all about), and watching tv, typically BBC stuff like Dr. Who and sherlock. She loves her pop culture, but other than that she doesn't really have hobbies or anything.

The one thing that makes me wonder if she is on the spectrum is that she doesn't have any friends at all. Like not even people she talks to. There was one roommate who she kind of hung out with, but that was it, and even then my sister more or less tagged along its not like they were best buds. She's honestly been like this since High school except for the two years she was on the speech team and actually was fairly well liked and did have some friends. She just doesn't seem interested in talking to people (granted she is a people watcher and is very observant). She also always tells me she doesn't want friends and whenever I ask her she tells me to go away or shut up. I honestly don't know if she doesn't care or if it's just a reaction to being shunned in high school (it was an odd situation. She wasn't hated and was seen as "everyone's friend" but no one really befriended her). It's strange because she's so quiet and shy in public but at home she's a b***h. She'll yell and scream and doesn't really like to talk about anything other than typical pop culture BS (her obsession maybe?). It disturbs me she doesn't seem to care about friends and doesn't seem to have a social life. Just watching tv. She doesn't even study that much. She's not dumb, but its like she's just unmotivated by people or anything. But unlike a lot of aspies she doesn't have some goal or dream (at least that's she's told us).

Also, she does have other issues. She has depression that's pretty severe as well as anxiety attacks. We also lost our dad at 12 and I wonder if not having the other parent made her really sad but it's been 9 years. She also doesn't seem to care about her appearance in the sense that she's put on a lot of weight. She still likes having clothes and talks about having a better body and having kids, but doesn't do a damn thing about it. It just seems like something is off about her but I don't know what. She also reads obsessively and used to carry books with her everywhere, even to the movies. Its like books are her life. Of course she doesn't excel at school so for now she's doomed. I guess the last thing too is that she doesn't really seemed concerned about anything, yet gets mad with stuff a lot. she doesn't like people asking about her future. She also hates when my mom tells her to do things. She also doesn't like to be touched or give hugs. Even my autistic brother doesn't mind it. She however does not and hates to be touched. Also, she doesn't seem very romantically interested in people, though there were 2 guys who asked her out. both were creeps though (1 was a guy who talked about them being married…. after a month) the other was a 36 year old guy who asked her to coffee and had some issues).

I guess for some good things, she is rather creative in her stories, but I don't know if technically she is a great writer. She also is very particular about taking photos. She also is very interesting to talk to, and in spite of being shy, is a good conversationalist, in spite of trying to dominate conversations. One more negative though I just thought of is that she often says violent things like she'll say to my brother "if you don't' stop humming i'll beat you with a shovel". She also cusses a lot (not a problem, but not exactly nice) and has a speech impediment where she can't pronounce her r's well.

So what's the verdict. I think she might have it, but then I think she's just lazy and depressed to the point that its a disability . But I wonder if some of the traits are autistic traits. It's just so sad. I want to help her. Maybe if she has a problem she can get help

We don't know.

Only appropriately-trained, experienced and licensed mental-health professionals can make a valid diagnosis of an ASD. AFAIK, there is no such person on WP; and even if there is, that person would need to interview your sister face-to-face. Online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis, either.

Since she's an adult, she would have to seek such a professional. You might want to advise her of your concerns, and suggest that she seek professional counseling.

^^ I was going to post Ask Fnord^^

She might have Schizoid Personality Disorder.

She might have a hormonal imbalance, a vitamin deficiency, an ingrown toenail, and the heartbreak of psoriasis; but the most important point to make is that she should receive a diagnosis only from an expert in the field, and not from amateurs pulling random answers from a metaphoric hat.

What Fnord said, obviously.

But do bear in mind that whether she has an ASD or not, a lot of what you describe can also be a result of depression. There is a big difference between being "very sad" and being depressed, and if she is depressed, then no sort of logic (such as "it's been 9 years") will help - that's just not how it works.

Have you spoken to her about your idea that she might have an ASD? It's possible that if she reads up on it, she might recognise herself and be motivated to seek professional advice. But if not, I'm afraid there's probably not much you can do for her.

What's it to ya?

If she does, it's incurable and untreatable and there are no meds effective for it.

Last edited by Willard on 24 Dec 2013, 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What Fnord said.

What you've described is consistent with depression and anxiety. Not actually necessary to look further or label it. The source of her depression or anxiety could be anything - AS, or many other things as Fnord described. She should see a professional for a real diagnosis, but people are misdiagnosed all the time, depending on the specialization, experience, and open-mindedness of the professional they see. It's very important to educate yourself as well - and that's something only she can do. A professional opinion can be a good starting place though.

If she's not motivated to see someone, you can't force her unless she's imminently a danger to herself or someone else. Bitchiness is not a reason to force someone. She's clearly unhappy though, and probably in pain.

Often I've found it's better to ask questions non-judgmentally than to label someone, or share with her how you feel when she does X, Y, Z. "I" statements will get you a lot further than "You" this that or the other.

Thing is, she doesn't care how my whole family feels. It's weird because she's not selfish, but it's almost like she doesn't want anyone to be around her or help her out or anything. She just doesn't seem to want to deal with people. Like I said, the only stuff she really wants to talk about is her reading, writing and pop culture stuff. Bring up why she doesn't have friends, she wants to change the subject, and gets into fights if you don't. Ask why she fails at school? She doesn't get asked about that. Honestly, I do think its depression, and she does see a GP and gets some medications, but its like she doesn't even care about anything outside of reading. I guess I where the aspergers comes in is that where she has poor academic performance outside of lit classes, and even then only pulls a b. She also doesn't have social skills. She hasn't had a job except for delivering sunday newspapers as a rural carrier. She doesn't talk to her professors enough. She doesn't really seem to like to deal with people except in the most generic of ways. For a while she was even to shy to go into a store to return something. She didn't want to talk to the cashier and when my mom made her they got into a fight. It's weird, its like she wants us to not talk to her and leave us alone, yet doesn't want to or doesn't seem to try to be independent. I just worry because she is so smart and it would be a waste to see her end up as some loser on welfare. I mean she's witty and writes good enough. Heck she could write for tv shows if she put her mind to it. But she has no drive and I wonder if she ever will. Even with her medication its just like she doesn't have feelings other than being angry, annoyed or a kind of sad/rage mix. She can be happy, but its like cheap happiness. Not true happiness of being fulfilled. I almost wonder if she's accepted she's a loser and just doesn't care. Its apathy to the extreme, and I just don't get how someone can have no drive, and yet be a big fat ball of anxiety. I know she's not happy, but its like she doesn't know it, or rather doesn't care about being happy

Again: there is very little you can do for her if she isn't willing to do it herself.

But it sounds as if maybe you could do with someone to talk to about how it's affecting you and the rest of your family? I know counselling is kind of hard to come by, but perhaps it's worth a try. Or are there support groups for people caring for people with depression in your area?

You are entitled to your feelings, and to have them heard, but you cannot take responsibility for your sister, and beyond being supportive and encouraging if/when she chooses to make a change herself, you can't change her (nor should you try).

Precisely!
Fnord, I'd bet you already have this in a word document so you don't have to constantly retype this for the daily "I think I might have autism" thread. If not you should.

She might have it. She might not. I come from a family where everybody is weird. I know I am autistic. I know my mom is autistic. It's obvious. We are both the dictionary definition of Asperger's Syndrome. However there are other people in my family who I am not sure about. The reason I am not sure is because they seem to function normally on a social level but they are weird, have a lot of traits of AS. You said that your brother has autism. It is genetic, so maybe she has it.. Your description doesn't give us enough information to say for sure. Also, we are not qualified to diagnose anyone.

If she does have AS, it is incurable, so you are just going to have to accept her the way that she is. You can't change her, and it sounds like she does not want to be changed.

I guess what I am saying is that I don't think her lack of an AS diagnosis is the problem. It is a lack of motivation on her part to change. If she doesn't want to change, a diagnosis won't make her want to change.

I do understand your concern though. I know what it is like to be close to someone who has AS. I also know what it is like to have AS and upset my family with my behavior.

I could be wrong, but it sounds more like you are judging your sister under the pretext of being concerned.

if you do care, stop asking why she has no friends and stop with that loser talk. If you care, just love her.

Actually, it's derived from my sig line, which I usually keep hidden...

loss of motivation is a classic symptom of major/severe depression.

when i am that depressed i feel bad about myself, and at the same time very few people i've met truly understand what it is like. so every attempt to "help" me tends to feel like criticism. i'm already down on myself, very painfully so, so any addition to that burden often feels like the straw that will break my back.

again nothing conclusive here, we can't diagnose your sister. just some information for you. whether she is AS or not, depression to me is a far more serious problem. as an AS, i am content with limited social contact and narrow interests. being told i "should" be some other way has been the bane of my existence until i learned to embrace it and not judge myself by how others perceive me.

Thanks for the replies. I will say i have noticed other autistic traits. She loves to read. Now she reads a decent variety, but reads everywhere. In the car, she always reads (not while driving). In her classes in High School and college, she'd take novels to read DURING class, rather than read what was supposed to be read for that class, and she wouldn't do much much of her homework either because guess what… she was reading. Its almost an obsession to her. She even reads in the movie theatre.

She also is very…. blunt. She is imprudent and knows no bounds when arguing with family. For example, I'm a devout catholic. However, If I do one thing wrong (like yell at her when she gets on my nerves, or say something I don't mean to) she criticizes me on how i'm a hypocrite and not a good follower of my religion and how i'm terrible (she has no religion herself, she dislikes organized religion, which I understand). Even today, I was working on stuff for my masters program online, and she said "if your doing school stuff online, I'm the pope" and proceeded to say how i'm crazy because I talk to myself (as in thinking to myself, not like I hear voices) and that my and my brothers are "dumb as **** because we don't think we are crazy. that's another thing. She's really ignorant. Until she was 16 she thought our brother who is on the Spectrum and is high functioning, had downs syndrome. I understand maybe an 11 year old having this, but at 16 if you don't know that Downs syndrome means having a certain kind of face and being MR (my brother is not MR, but does have a below average I.Q at 87 and struggles with certain things like language. he often confuses words or says things like "I always do that sometimes") you are a little daft.

She also does not seem to be very affectionate. I mean she won't let us hug her or touch her, even when it is more appropriate. Which is odd since my little brother on the spectrum is cool with it. She though has almost no trace of love or affection for people. It might be more that losing our father caused her not to allow people into her life, but she was always odd before. She remembers that in kindergarten, nobody wanted to play with her, but she was okay with it. And surprisingly, while she is a b***h at home, she's this quiet little mouse in public too afraid to even talk to a cashier at times. As i said she has no friends or anyone to talk to, but doesn't seem to want to let anyone in. I know i'm repeating and I know that unless she goes to a doctor she can't get diagnosed, but she just needs so much help. I wish she saw how much help she needed. It's like she's a drug addict who doesn't know she's ruining her own life.