The way the family reacts....

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Maybe I am nieve. Ok, I am. Is there a stigma attached to aspergers? I dont understand it. We just had a HUGE thing happen with my inlaws for suggesting aspergers. Now, we wont be saying anything to anyone for the most part. But my husband is a twin and called him to tell him he thought they had it. They are identicle in behavior, except I think my BIL is a little worse off as he cant keep a job because he says he doesnt want to do anything he doesnt like (even at the expence of his family). So anyway.

His brother posted on facebook about aspergers and if anyone had thoughts. I told him what I notice. It turned UGLY. His family telling me that I have told him how to act for 8 years and no wonder he cant function on his own ( he couldnt function before me, I think he is doing MUCH better now that he understands how his actions come off as weird or rude). His cousin said he had friends as a teen and doesnt understand why he suddenly has problems now (umm he had his twin brother and neighbor who is a compulsive liar and had his own set of problems, besides, all they did was play D and D and video games, you can find teens to sit around and do that stuff with you! When your an adult it isnt so cool!).

Anyways, his brothers conclusion is that Daniel, my husband, has it, and he doesnt, even though they are the SAME. He says he doesnt have it because he knows why he doesnt do or does do certain things. He knows he doesnt look people in the eyes cause he thinks he is ugly. He knows he doesnt do the things he is supposed to do because he is playing pokemon (29 years old) and writing books. He said he knows he doesnt have AS because he knows why he doesnt do things. He has no common sense cause he doesnt want to learn it (according to him). He doesnt want to learn about things so he doesnt. Whatever, I dont care if you dont think you have it, but dont pretend that you are typical because typical people dont behave the way you do. (and his list is even longer then my husbands for AS and he knows he matches the criteria and it effects his day to day life).

Anyways, I dont understand why people are afraid. Everyone in his family has know that the boys (Husband and BIL) are different. They all said it was because of a rough childhood (for a couple years but from 4 on they lived with grandparents and things were great. They also have a sister who came out of this not like them). To me, this is like an AH HA! Moment because it makes sense. Reading this board my husband cant believe that he isnt the only one who does things. He realizes that other people have the same struggles he does. Its hard for him to understand why he thinks the way he thinks. Everyone in the family and who meets my husband knows something is different, but because I put a name on it I am evil? Why are people afraid of something they know is there having a name? I just dont get it. We wont say anything to anyone further after this and it is over. We will get a dx and not say a word. I dont understand why people are so upset over it having a name!

He might just be afraid of being labeled. A lot of people don't like being told they are different and become defensive. Most people though will eventually accept their differences it just takes time and I wouldn't worry too much about it.

The short answer is that this upset long standing unwritten rules of engagement within his family. It probably isn't Asperger's as much as the fact that you went somewhere his family doesn't want to go. This not at all uncommon.

I know, I guess I dont understand what the big deal is. He is different. He is still my husband and still my love and still my everything label or not. I find it as a relief and they are scared. HIs brother said he knows why he does the things he does so he doesnt have it.

His brother called here and it went something like this "Hi, is the superstar there?" Me "Yeah, just a minute" "Oh good, I can talk to the superstar about my mystical powers from the underground" Me "Hehe, ok let me find him, he is in the basement" Him "He is in the basement with a noose" Me "Hehe" HIm "I mean Moose, he is in the basement with a giant moose" Me "Maybe, lets see" Him "I am canadian now because I am to socialist for this country " Me " Oh wow, maybe!" Him " I am cut loose like the Amish when they hit 18 and they are in the world " And it went on from there. And he doesnt see that this is not a normal pattern of speaking. He doesnt understand when someone isnt interested in what he is saying, he will talk to me for an hour when he calls for DH and I do almost no talking.

Wait, so your husband now denies he has AS and is finding excuses now for his symptoms?

I also went through the same thing when I was 15, I started realizing everyone had problems and everyone does things I do and I started thinking AS was a made up label because everyone did it as if I forgot about my past. I would hate when I get told it was part of my AS but when others do it, it's not because they have AS (because they didn't have it) but when I do it, I get told it was part of it so it all seemed unfair to me, discrimination.

I sometimes think people like to blame things on labels forgetting normal people do it too. Like if an aspie were to say to a pregnant woman "You have gotten so huge" people are more likely to think the person said it because he has AS and didn't know any better totally forgetting all the same sort of comments the pregnant woman has gotten from normal people about her pregnancy To me that is ignorant. I think the aspie didn't make that comment because of his AS because none spectrum people do it too. So that is an example there how people will easily blame things on the AS despite that none aspies do it too.