I can only have normal conversations when it comes to my...

Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,728
Location: Pacific Northwest

03 Mar 2010, 9:08 am

interests. Is anyone like this?


I can carry on a conversation if it's my obsession or interest. But other than that I suck. I can listen and I go "oh" to let the person know I am listening. Trying to think of something to say is like telling a story when I have to think of things to say. One of my aspie friends gets bothered by it and feels I am ignoring him even though I am reading what he is saying and I say "oh" but to him that is not a normal conversation. Things he talks about is boring but I expect him to listen to what I say and talk about what I talk about so I do the same in return by listening. But there is nothing I am curious about. He asks me to fake interests but I don't know why I find that hard. Maybe I need to try harder but I don't know what to say. I am doing other things and I can't sit here and think of what to say. I find that tiring. Maybe I am just too lazy to try because it's my free time and I find that work if I have to do it. I don't expect people to fake things with me because I don't want to torture them and make it hard work for them.



jc6chan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,257
Location: Waterloo, ON, Canada

03 Mar 2010, 10:16 am

Same here. People always talk about stuff I don't have much knowledge about and so I can't think of much to say.



ursaminor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Nov 2009
Age: 153
Gender: Male
Posts: 936
Location: Leiden, Netherlands

03 Mar 2010, 12:45 pm

Why would he want you to fake interest?
I can only do a few kinds of conversations adequately (in my opinion); monologue, dialogue about something I want to know (mainly just asking questions) and randomly spouting hilarious comments.



superboyian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,383
Location: London

03 Mar 2010, 12:51 pm

I can have a normal conversation about anything but the only thing is that I do it ALOT worse and sometimes alot faster when it comes to my special interest and that is SO much of a problem to alot of people so I normally keep my interests discreet.

Today happened to just slip..... I started talking about planets... :lol: and that is one of my old obsessions, thank goodness I didn't go as far as black holes today because that would have completely lost me. :lol:


_________________
My Poetry: http://poetryimpact.blogspot.com
My YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/michkat0 - In partnership with AwesomenessTV
Former owner of Aspies Central: http://www.aspiescentral.com

Know me on the inside before you judge.


memesplice
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,072

03 Mar 2010, 1:39 pm

Trouble with this is, I have really good recall and can link ideas and pull meaning out of a pile of turnips if I have to,

They then think you are interested in them and they don't get you using this technique as a social deflector.

If they think you are interested in them then you are stuck with an NT and you have to keep playing the role.

Best to be a bit interested, and try to ascertain what they actually want from you whilst they are.



McTell
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,453
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland

03 Mar 2010, 1:43 pm

When it comes to stuff I'm interested in, I can't converse, I can only lecture. It's probably no fun for the poor person who has to listen to me.



mgran
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,864

03 Mar 2010, 4:03 pm

My problem is that I have an exceptionally good memory, and an encyclopedic knowledge of pretty much anything I've ever been interested in. Which sounds as though I should be a great conversationalist... but unfortunately I have to really fight the impulse to lecture folks.



Mdyar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2009
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,514

03 Mar 2010, 4:20 pm

mgran wrote:
My problem is that I have an exceptionally good memory, and an encyclopedic knowledge of pretty much anything I've ever been interested in. Which sounds as though I should be a great conversationalist... but unfortunately I have to really fight the impulse to lecture folks.

INTERESTING
(My compatriots have at times commented about me as having a "very broad range of knowledge".)

Same here and my family (wife and daughters) preface their questions with "give me the short version" or I don't need a lecture :lol:

Its theory of mind and I forget that my passion isn't transferable.



mgran
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,864

03 Mar 2010, 4:47 pm

What else is interesting is the fact that if I ask someone about their special interest and they have a broad knowledge, and I'm interested, I don't mind being lectured. For example, my son knows far more about the English Civil War than I do. He went through a phase when he read compulsively on it. And I don't mind that... if I ask him, and he goes into lecture mode, I actually enjoy learning.

I find it hard that most people aren't interested in learning new things. I seem to have theory of mind for aspies, but it all falls down when it comes to NTs.



Brittany2907
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,920
Location: New Zealand

03 Mar 2010, 6:05 pm

Yes I can talk to people about my interests easily and never am short of things to say. When it comes to responding to others though I tend to sit there and nod my head or say "oh ok" because other than that, I don't know what to do.

I don't think you should have to fake an interest in what your friend is talking about. Isn't it better to be honest and ask to change the topic? I may be wrong but that's what I would do.


_________________
I = Vegan!
Animals = Friends.


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,728
Location: Pacific Northwest

03 Mar 2010, 6:15 pm

Brittany2907 wrote:
Yes I can talk to people about my interests easily and never am short of things to say. When it comes to responding to others though I tend to sit there and nod my head or say "oh ok" because other than that, I don't know what to do.

I don't think you should have to fake an interest in what your friend is talking about. Isn't it better to be honest and ask to change the topic? I may be wrong but that's what I would do.



I'm being polite. I think it's rude to talk about what you want to talk about but never hear what the other person wants to talk about. I wouldn't want another aspie doing that to me so I don't do it. I used to as a kid though and then I decided to change that.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,728
Location: Pacific Northwest

03 Mar 2010, 6:21 pm

ursaminor wrote:
Why would he want you to fake interest?


Because he feels ignored I guess. He says he used to have the same problem so I guess he is expecting me to do it too. He wants a two way conversation.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,326
Location: Sydney, Australia

03 Mar 2010, 6:24 pm

I can do a little bit of small talk like 'how was your day' and things like that, but when the conversation gets to talking about social relationships, like gossiping about someone or reminiscing a wild night out I will just lose interest and turn off. Once people just kept talking about this girl and her family and I just didn't care.
Then they talk about the news, which I have a bit of an interest in but if it's celebrity gossip or about sport stars I don't care. I care more about murder investigations, science discoveries, etc.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


MONKEY
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)

03 Mar 2010, 6:42 pm

That is the story of my life right there!
If I'm in a conversation about things I'm really interested in I'm amazing, I talk the most and say everything with excitement and expression and I often have to stop myself from lecturing them about my interest. But as soon as the topic changes I go quiet again, I also get really annoyed when the topic is changed because I was having fun talking about what I'm obsessed with and I want to say more things, and sometimes I'll even revert to the old topic briefly just to make one more point. And like L_G I will just go "yep. yep. right" when they talk about what they like but I have nothing to add and the conversation becomes harder to carry on. Or I'm just not interested at all and I'm waiting for them to shut up so I can start on one of my interests again :lol:.
I love to listen and observe people's conversations and do so frequently but I rarely take part in them because I have NOTHING TO ADD even if I tried. My good friends are of course an exception to this rule and I can take part in conversations about what they like... as long as my interests are mentioned as well of course :wink:


_________________
What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.


MathGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Apr 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,580
Location: Ontario, Canada

03 Mar 2010, 6:46 pm

Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure I come across as almost NT during discussions pertaining to my interest. Feels good to feel normal once in a while.


_________________
ENT/FJ. Dreamer. Lover. Therapist. Toastmaster. Minimalist.

Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).