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MindBlind
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04 Mar 2010, 12:12 pm

What person hasn't made their parents cry (especially after arguments)?



CleverKitten
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05 Mar 2010, 1:15 pm

When I wash dishes, I always listen to music on my headphones. It helps me to focus and helps the chore go by more quickly.
One day, my mother told me I couldn't listen to music anymore when I was washing dishes because I don't wash them thoroughly when I am "distracted" by music. So I took two plates that were exactly the same and soiled similarly, and I washed one while listening to music, and washed the other without listening to music.
I then showed her the two plates and asked her to determine which one looked cleaner. (They both looked sparklingly flawlessly clean.)
She then exploded and started crying and yelling, telling me I was a disrespectful b***h, and accused me of calling her a terrible mother (which I never did.)
She then proceeded to hit me, shove me around, and yank me by my hair for being so disrespectful.

One time my mom asked me what my outfit was going to be for my first day of school for my high school senior year. The outfit I described to her included white pants. She got upset and and told me that it's against fashion rules to wear white after Labor Day. She said that everyone would laugh at me and I wouldn't make a good impression on the teachers either.
I told her that the "No white after Labor Day" rule is out-dated and stupid, nobody follows it anyways, and nobody that matters would care whether I wore white or not, especially the teachers.
Then she started crying and accused me of calling her stupid and calling her a terrible mother (again).
I was very confused by this because I never said either of those things.

My mother threw a temper tantrum when I informed her that I was going to move out of her house and move in with my boyfriend (now fiancé), as soon as I turned 18. She called me selfish, whore, b***h, cold, heartless, and much more. She was sobbing and heaving and could hardly talk because she was so choked up by my decision. She said she wanted me to live at home throughout my college years. (Even though whenever she and I are in the house together, it was nothing but yelling from her and arguments started by her irrationality.)

My mother started sobbing hysterically when I showed her my engagement ring. She said I was ruining my life. She accused my fiancé of making me drop out of college (when, in actuality, I could no longer attend classes because I could not get financial aid because SHE did not file her taxes!). She accused him of stealing me away from her family (I left of my own free will.) She said that she has lost all hope for me, and to have make the most out of life as was possible from that point on.


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superboyian
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05 Mar 2010, 8:01 pm

I made them cry without releasing and I went through so much stress when me and my girlfriend had this really huge argument and I then refused to eat and everything plus I was super depressed, I don't know if she was crying, but it seemed like she was?

That's the detail i'm gonna give you Jimmy at this time because my girlfriend lurks on here.. :lol:


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jc6chan
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05 Mar 2010, 8:22 pm

superboyian wrote:
That's the detail i'm gonna give you Jimmy at this time because my girlfriend lurks on here.. :lol:

She has a WP account?



superboyian
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05 Mar 2010, 8:28 pm

jc6chan wrote:
superboyian wrote:
That's the detail i'm gonna give you Jimmy at this time because my girlfriend lurks on here.. :lol:

She has a WP account?


Nah... She just lurks at some of my posts, that's normally how I get my message across.


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TonyTheTiger
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05 Mar 2010, 8:44 pm

Who as a child hasn't made their parents cry?



CleverKitten
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06 Mar 2010, 11:03 pm

My fiance just made his mom cry a few minutes ago.

We were watching the news in the kitchen, and a segment that we were waiting the past thirty minutes for FINALLY came on, so we really wanted to listen to it.

AS SOON as this segment came on, his mom and dad barged in and started trying to make a whole bunch of smalltalk about nothing in particular, with their loud voices completely blocking the sound from the TV, so we couldn't hear the segment.
So my fiance said as he politely could, "Would you please just hold on for a few minutes? We're trying to watch this segment here."
And the parents looked upset and his dad angrily said, "Well geez, you didn't have to go and tell us to shut up!" and they stormed out.

A few minutes later, they came back into the kitchen, and his mother was crying. She said she felt insulted and hurt that we would rather watch TV than talk to them. :roll: :?


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pensieve
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06 Mar 2010, 11:13 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
My fiance just made his mom cry a few minutes ago.

We were watching the news in the kitchen, and a segment that we were waiting the past thirty minutes for FINALLY came on, so we really wanted to listen to it.

AS SOON as this segment came on, his mom and dad barged in and started trying to make a whole bunch of smalltalk about nothing in particular, with their loud voices completely blocking the sound from the TV, so we couldn't hear the segment.
So my fiance said as he politely could, "Would you please just hold on for a few minutes? We're trying to watch this segment here."
And the parents looked upset and his dad angrily said, "Well geez, you didn't have to go and tell us to shut up!" and they stormed out.

A few minutes later, they came back into the kitchen, and his mother was crying. She said she felt insulted and hurt that we would rather watch TV than talk to them. :roll: :?

Touchy much? My mum was trying to talk to my brother while he and I were watch A Colbert Christmas. He clearly said that Stephen Colbert was his favourite comedian and he wanted to watch it and my mum walked off in a huff.
She's like that. You can calmly say something that she doesn't approve on and she'll tell you to 'get f**ked' or say 'well I'm just so stupid, I don't know anything.' Honestly WTF?
She once told me when I was 8 years old to 'get f**ked' in public. I was confused and hurt.


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09 Mar 2010, 4:21 pm

Last night when I told my mom I didn't really understand how to be loving towards my boyfriend....I don't really like much physical contact. I mean I crave it, but I don't know HOW to even start with it. And she started crying because she was thinking of the future and how I would never find anyone to love me because I will be ice cold to anyone who tries to be nice to me......and today when I had a misunderstanding and now she thinks I can't deal with anything for myself.....she overreacts constantly. Just because I misunderstand things in conversations she's thinking I'm like ret*d or something.



KalisAvos
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10 Mar 2010, 7:07 am

My parents don't cry, but that's because of how they were raised. However, I seem to be a source of extreme anguish to them. I don't know how to explain how I know this, but I just do.


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PrisonerSix
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10 Mar 2010, 1:12 pm

Cry, I don't think so, but have major meltdowns over things that happened involving me, yes many times. They'd frequently got frustrated with me over things I considered trivial, and that most would consider trivial, and I never knew way.

For one thing, I never liked going out when I was a kid and to some extent, don't go out much even now. They would get frustrated when my sister would want to go somewhere and I wouldn't and it would often end up in a fight with them threatening to hurt me if I didn't go do what she wanted. That battle pretty much went on until I left home.

They'd also have huge meltdowns if I'd bring home a C grade. I don't know if this is important or not, but they'd go ballistic over stuff like this to the point where I was actually scared of doing any work and taking tests, knowing all hell would break loose if my grades weren't high enough.

Something I've posted about before was swimming. I was always uncomfortable in the water, so they accepted that I didn't want to swim but when I was 11, possibly thanks to my no good troublemaking brother, that all changed. He tried to teach me without success, then my parents started daily forcing me into the pool whenever my sister went in, which meant me wade in the shallow end until my sister got out. I hated every minute of it and when asked if I wanted to swim and responding I didn't, my mother would often go ballistic over the fact I didn't want to swim. This went on for 4 summers and it was miserable. Even after I learned how, she continued to do this being upset that I didn't want to swim and that I thought there were other things in life besides swimming.

I remember the summer I wanted to work on an electronics kit, which they seemed supportive of at first, but when they found out I preferred doing that over swimming, all hell broke loose, with frequent fights everytime I tried to work and my not wanting to stop working on it to go swimming with my sister. I never understood why they had such a problem with me doing something educational like that. Whenever I tried to work, there was always a fight, with my mother claiming I needed to balance my activities, which I didn't understand as there were days when my sister read for hours at a time and it wasn't an issue at all. If she can do her thing for hours at a time, why couldn't I? I basically learned from this if I want to pursue a hobby, interest, etc., it's going to be a fight, so I learned not to pursue much.

We'd also fight over my wearing long pants when it was what they considered too warm out. Sometimes I'd wear long pants and my parents would see me and immediately start yelling about how I need to wear shorts and as my mother used to say, "get some sun on those legs."

Ironically, they'd frequently have these meltdowns but if I ever got angry, showed signs of frustration, they'd have a meltdown at me over that, launching into long tyrades of how if you do that on a job you'll get fired and you'll never get another job again because nobody wants someone with a short temper and you have to do what they say, think what they think, etc. and how if you want to survive, you have to learn to let others walk all over you, etc., or you'll have nothing.

However, my sister would have metdowns too and they wouldn't say these things to her at all, try to correct her or anything and in fact, they'd often cave into her or use the excuse for her behavior that "She's a girl," something else that made no sense to me. If she ever got a bad grade at school, it was the teacher, school, etc. fault and never her's. Sis actually told me once that nothing is ever her fault, it's always mine.

I actually lived the way they wanted me to for a while, and ended up absolutely miserable. I've had to change my ways to make life better. There are so many things I still wish never happened, like the forced swimming, being denied the chance to learn about electronics, even learning to swim. If some things had been different, I'd be better off.


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bethaniej
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11 Mar 2010, 12:00 am

I think my mother cried because she was always more concerned about my reputation than I was...and probably my personal safety as well. she also didn't like that I didn't wear dresses, and I think that caused her a lot of grief a long the way. When I was last to see her she commented to a cousin that neither my sister or I wore much make-up and where had she gone wrong. She said it jokingly, but there was some honest bitterness there as well. I do think she felt she'd done something wrong with me. Always. I wasn't the daughter she'd hoped for.

I realized a while back...when my own daughter was undergoing testing, that I may have inadvertently left that impression on her because she's struggled so much and many of her struggles, until recently, have been such a mystery to me. Why do you have to scream so loudly every time you fall down--which is often (at twelve, still falling a lot)? Why can't I hug you when I haven't seen you in a while? Why do I keep getting these calls at the beginning of every school-year about melt-downs? I was talking to my Mom a few weeks ago about what a relief it is to have a diagnosis...to be reading about other people who have similar issues. To know that she isn't just trying to be a pain. I feel like knowing this about her, that she has aspergers, I can accept her better. I can read about it, and support her rather than just feeling like I'm guessing (and often guessing wrong) most of the time. Or maybe before the diagnosis, like my own mom, I felt like if I'd just done it right, she wouldn't have these problems that are so...obvious to the people in her life....

My Mom apologized to me once...when I was 21. She came out to where I was stationed in the Army in Monterey, to visit for a week. We stayed in a hotel...I was really struggling at the time. I struggled a LOT at that age...and she said she was sorry for the mistakes she'd made. I don't know what she meant...but I think she wanted me to be happy, or at least not be the reason for my unhappiness.

My daughter has made me cry, but then I have made her cry as well. I remember one awful...funny meltdown moment. Whenever I have to talk to her about something and she doesn't take it well, she'll end up hiding behind a door or in a closet in her room listening. And once I was crying and said, "Sometimes it's just hard to be your mom." And then came the sound of the door speaking, "Sometimes it's hard to be your daughter." All I could say was, "I know."



Danielismyname
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11 Mar 2010, 12:46 am

In my experience, I end up making everyone cry at some point in time.



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11 Mar 2010, 7:32 am

Danielismyname wrote:
In my experience, I end up making everyone cry at some point in time.


I don't recall that you've ever made me cry. If you stay the same person, I don't see you ever making me cry.


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PrisonerSix
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11 Mar 2010, 10:07 am

bethaniej wrote:
I think my mother cried because she was always more concerned about my reputation than I was...and probably my personal safety as well. she also didn't like that I didn't wear dresses, and I think that caused her a lot of grief a long the way. When I was last to see her she commented to a cousin that neither my sister or I wore much make-up and where had she gone wrong. She said it jokingly, but there was some honest bitterness there as well. I do think she felt she'd done something wrong with me. Always. I wasn't the daughter she'd hoped for.


Mine always had issues about image as well and in fact, sometimes told lies about me to try and make me look better. I remember one incident when a school told us to write about what we did one day, and Mom insisted no mention of TV be on it, so we could show them I was smart and didn't watch TV, which made no sense to me because I never understood what people's issues with TV were.

I also think I wasn't the son they wanted, mainly because they saw as I got older, I wasn't like my sister. I can think of numerous examples of how I was in the wrong not because of some set of rules, but because I didn't do what she did. I can even give some examples.

I can remember I would often want to play outside but my sister didn't, the result was I was often confined to the house so eventually, I gave up and adapted to enjoying life indoors. Later she decided she liked going out, so I was often forced to go with her and lectured to about how bad it is to stay in all the time. I never understood why going out was wrong when I wanted to do it and now staying in was wrong because she wanted to go out.

Another was reading. My sister was someone who read for hours and hours on end, and I didn't, and my parents thought it was great she read. I can remember later when I wanted to stay in and read a book and she wanted to go out and my mother yelled at me that I needed to do more than just sit in the house and read! Again, OK when Sis wants to do it, but wrong for me when I want to do it.

There are other examples as well, including years of forced swimming because she wanted to do that, and being put down because I didn't want to learn a musical instrument like she did. The list goes on and on and to this day, I'll never understand why my sister was such a gold standard to them and why they were so determined to make me into a copy of her.


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bethaniej
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12 Mar 2010, 12:24 pm

PrisonerSix wrote:
bethaniej wrote:
There are other examples as well, including years of forced swimming because she wanted to do that, and being put down because I didn't want to learn a musical instrument like she did. The list goes on and on and to this day, I'll never understand why my sister was such a gold standard to them and why they were so determined to make me into a copy of her.


I think this is actually still very typical of parents. I work with kids and we see this a lot at school. One child is one way (particularly if they are great academically), and another child is different...and they always have a difficult time with it. We had two brothers that came through our classroom at different times. The first was a good reader/writer, very academic. The second wasn't...he loved to draw and made such humorous, artistic pictures and had a wonderful sense of humor...but he was always put upon because of 'not being like ___" That's a hard row to hoe.

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