Opinions invalidated because of AS

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Sometimes we're accused of using being on the spectrum as an excuse for just 'not trying'. I also find that other people use it as an excuse for not explaining things to me or not admitting that their own behavior is irrational. Rather than admit that what they've done or said made no sense/contradicted itself and so forth, the lazy answer I receive is, "Oh, it's just because of your Asperger's that you don't understand." There's no attempt to explain it and help me to understand, only the insistence that I can't possibly.

That is absolutely true! Unfortunately it is extremely rare to find a NT who would admit it.

That happens to me, a lot. I get that, all the time, or else my family members will tell me facts, that I've already known, for years and even decades. It makes me feel like a loser.

I agree it's pretty insulting when it does happen. I suspect that the main reason it doesn't happen to me is very much is that I often find myself pretending to understand the gobbledegook that people throw at me.......no point in inviting contempt by admitting they've lost me. I only admit I don't understand them if it's important that I get it clear and if they seem to be reasonably patient people.

I've always believed that (short of massive brain damage) anybody can understand anything if it's explained clearly enough. So what those people really mean is that they can't be arsed with you.

It's particularly annoying for me because a lot of my schoolteachers would insist that we all gave excellently clear answers to questions. Then I get out into the wider world and found that people just don't bother.

That's what gets me, it must be tough though for people to see me both as one of the most intelegent and thoughtful people they know and someone who doesn't understand the basics of some situations or people.

The fact i understand why they get it wrong doesn't stop me being annoyed!

One of the reasons why I don't tell people I have it. They might think my opinions aren't valid or might think my point of view isn't valid just because I have AS. If I don't agree with them, they could think it's the AS that makes me not get it.

I get annoyed when people tell me "nevermind." They just give up and are too lazy to explain things to me.

I have to admit I do this sometimes when I explain things to my mother.
She finds some things that are not linguistic difficult sometimes.

But it is actually a backwards argument, because they should explain things MORE OFTEN and in MORE DETAIL because one has Asperger's syndrome.
Because of that 'inability to learn from others' thing.

It is these things that make me truly despise some people.
Not even because they use your Asperger's syndrome as an excuse, but simply because they do not explain.
Or what I find much worse, that they are not making a logical statement or argument, or they are riddled with fallacies and appeals to emotion.

or they feel you are pretending to be as obtuse as you really are, just so they have to spend extra time trying to get you to understand. People like that tend to think you are not really respecting their time and effort and just pass on dealing with you at all.

My friends do that to me and kids did it to me in high school. My shrink told me they just don't have the patience to explain stuff to me. I think they could at least try.

I pretend to just get things so I don't piss them off. With my family and husband and close friends I don't. I've pretended to get things with my mother because she sometimes gets mad at me for not understanding and I don't want the drama. She does try her best to help me but sometimes I wear her out. At least she isn't quick to say "nevermind" like lot of people. She tries first and it takes about a half hour to discuss about something for me to get it. Sometimes she tells me I am just going to have her trust her on this and she can't explain it. I figure she doesn't know how to explain it and she can't think right now and she can't think up of a logical explanation. So she asks me to just listen and forget about logic or I might regret for not listening to her. I've had that happen before. Even my husband tells me the same. He says to just trust him.

Sometimes I ask myself "is a logical explanation worth it (when someone refuses to tell me why) because should I just obey or not listen just because someone didn't tell me why?" It could cost me my job or get me banned from a forum just because the boss was too lazy or the forum owner or mod. But sometimes bosses are too busy to waste an hour of their time to talk to workers and be logical because they have other important things to do so as an aspie we just have to suck it up and just listen, even if we can't see the logic behind it. They're the boss, it's their job to be bossy. I think that's one of the reasons why some aspies can't keep a job. They don't listen because there is no logic behind the rules and I have read about aspies not listening if there is no logic. I had to learn to just listen and obey. It still bugs me when people don't tell me why though. So I call it laziness.

Yeah, in the most unfathomable ways too!

I have been told over the years that my opinions about cures were because aspies are oversensitive and take things literally when they are really metaphorical. (I don't have aspergers and WTF could 'we want to eradicate autism/autistic people ' POSSIBLY be a metaphore for?)

Or that I'm not all that autistic, right before they see me struggle at something or lose certain abilities. Then they tell me I'm freaky.

Finally, my opinions are dismissed as just freaky ret*d goody-goody and doesn't know what she's talking about.
( Usually this involves that downside of questionable activities for people my age: I told my friend that when you start smoking you cough a lot. She said 'How would you know, you never smoked! Anyway, I won't cough because coughing when you smoke is for losers! So is college!' and just guess what happened when she tried smoking to fit in.)

I'll never understand why people do this to us.

yes, I agree it is laziness, but it might not be their laziness.

Aspies can keep a job. Those Aspies that can keep a job just realize that not everything is going to cater to our exact specifications. We have learned to take on trust if someone tells us something that is not logical and that logic is not some club you can pound someone over the head with if you don't agree to their logic.. Having a job means asking for clarification if something is not explained in a way we understand, not forcing someone to tell you in a way you can understand.

To force your will on others as the only way to 'reach' you and then blaming them for not succeeding is insensitive to their time and well being. It is like demanding your lover must give you orgasms when it is not their responsibility you have them, you must learn to have the orgasm yourself and bring that to the relationship.

True.
While it is hard to explain something so one specific person can understand it is much easier to simply make arguments or rules or orders logical.

I recommend doing your own research if you are not able to understand what someone tells you. The Internet is vast- something out there is bound to make sense. When I had to be in charge of myself at work and use unfamiliar programs I got books to help me or found tutorials on the Internet. In some cases my company paid for a class or two. I know this doesn't cover the more philosophical things, but maybe it can help you do well at work.

I happen to know what it is like to try to explain something to someone with no success. I would often have to reiterate certain computer training (and I was NOT an IT person, mind you) with some of my employees. One lady in particular had trouble just logging in sometimes. It was very frustrating, but I sucked it up for a long time. Others had the same issue. I think she was in the beginning of Alzheimer's, seriously. I was very patient, but at some point you have to stop spending time on the same thing, beating the dead horse, and get back to work. Even as a supervisor I had a lot of work on my desk because I got the very difficult pay problems that needed computations done for long spans of time.

So I understand- you need someone to explain in a way that you can grasp. But I think NTs would need some help to know how to explain it to you ,as well, and there is no office handout or training course on how to explain things to your Aspie coworkers. I am afraid we live in a self-help society.

So do I. It's like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3YiPC91QUk

Just a quick joke for the weekend.

You're right about the Web - I've found heaps of good explanations there about the science I do at work, when the people who are supposed to explain it to me have failed. Not entirely their fault - I get shutdowns when I'm in a real-life situation, and find those so embarrassing that I usually pretend I've understood what they've told me.

When it mostly commonly happens is on a social interaction level. I will be completely in the dark about what it is that someone actually wants from me or why they're behaving the way they are, but they refuse to give me the information - that only they can give - that would explain it. Or I will point out that what they have said or done was illogical, or just plain incorrect, and the reply comes back, "You just don't understand it because you have Asperger's." I feel that I'm very convenient for some people, because they can come out with any kind of idiocy and never have to be answerable for it because they can always claim that I simply didn't 'get it' because of AS... and the sad fact is that I can never be one hundred percent certain that they're not, in fact, correct.



ursaminor, I think you are right here. What they are saying is designed to elicit an emotional reaction, and most of the time, they never expect to have to explain themselves logically.