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League_Girl
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30 Mar 2011, 5:22 pm

Has this ever happened to anyone where you want to tell someone something but you are afraid of coming off as rude so you try and think of another way of saying it so you don't come off that way?

I often don't know what to say or how to say things because I am always afraid of coming off wrong. Like today I called my cousin to tell her she didn't need to come anymore to watch my baby. I had in mind "I don't need you anymore" but I was afraid that would sound rude so I was thinking in my head how do I say it. So instead I said she doesn't need to come to watch my baby but if she wants she can still come over to see him and that we are going to order a pizza so she can maybe have some with us so she can spend time with him.

My husband was the one who decided on pizza and gave me that idea when I was on the phone so I added that in. I felt I did a good job because I often struggle in these areas and always need my husband to do it.



SammichEater
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30 Mar 2011, 5:51 pm

I have an extremely hard time with this. I never in a thousand years would have thought about adding in the pizza thing. Even when I try to be nice to people I often come off as rude. I would have just said "I don't need you to do this anymore" and then listed some reasons why, hoping that the person would understand and not be offended.



Scarecrow
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30 Mar 2011, 6:16 pm

Yes, that happens to me sometimes. I'm always glad when I catch it before I say something rude so I don't have to rephrase it after it's already been said. That gets awkward. :oops:



Surfman
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30 Mar 2011, 6:19 pm

I dont like to waste time on niceties, so I'm often rude by default



Xeno
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30 Mar 2011, 7:22 pm

I have terrible trouble with putting things into words. I often end up saying things that are taken in the worst possible way when I'm not trying to be offensive at all. Plus I have trouble with my tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language, so that doesn't help either.



DarrylZero
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31 Mar 2011, 2:44 am

I rehearse conversations in my head so that I have some ready responses for the most common conversations I've encountered.

However, there are times where I'm unprepared and have to think of what to say, and how. The problem is that the hesitation in my response is often assumed to mean that I'm about to say something negative.



Xenia
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31 Mar 2011, 5:01 am

I struggle to think of the appropriate way to say things and usually sound rude or blunt if I am put on the spot.



DrkWolf
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31 Mar 2011, 12:12 pm

I work in an office and at times need to call people to inform them of one thing or another. I always ask my boss how I should word something first and I normally write down what I plan to say and ask if that sounds alright. My phone skill have improved greatly over the years from working in an office, but they are still not as good as they should be. When it comes to having a personal conversation on the phone I'm normally lost with what to say though. When I'm home I normally avoid talking on the phone as much as possible and the only person I have long conversations via telephone with is my mother, who does all the talking and normally I don't have to say a word.



CockneyRebel
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31 Mar 2011, 12:39 pm

I think before I speak, so I won't come acrossed as being rude.


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Raaf
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31 Mar 2011, 7:33 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I often don't know what to say or how to say things because I am always afraid of coming off wrong. Like today I called my cousin to tell her she didn't need to come anymore to watch my baby. I had in mind "I don't need you anymore" but I was afraid that would sound rude so I was thinking in my head how do I say it. So instead I said she doesn't need to come to watch my baby but if she wants she can still come over to see him and that we are going to order a pizza so she can maybe have some with us so she can spend time with him.


I think this a great way to let anyone know you "don't need them anymore."

By the way, how did your cousin respond?

I struggle with the same issues now and then. I just would love to be to the point, get it over and done with.... However, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, I often end up telling someone that I am grateful that they helped me out but that I need to start doing it on my own (which tells them more or less that they are 'not a problem' ...)
And for the last time they do this something for me, I will make it special (like you with the pizza) and give them a (small) gift or invite them to dinner.... as a thank you. I think people always appreciate thank yous :)



League_Girl
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31 Mar 2011, 7:44 pm

Raaf wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I often don't know what to say or how to say things because I am always afraid of coming off wrong. Like today I called my cousin to tell her she didn't need to come anymore to watch my baby. I had in mind "I don't need you anymore" but I was afraid that would sound rude so I was thinking in my head how do I say it. So instead I said she doesn't need to come to watch my baby but if she wants she can still come over to see him and that we are going to order a pizza so she can maybe have some with us so she can spend time with him.


I think this a great way to let anyone know you "don't need them anymore."

By the way, how did your cousin respond?

I struggle with the same issues now and then. I just would love to be to the point, get it over and done with.... However, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, I often end up telling someone that I am grateful that they helped me out but that I need to start doing it on my own (which tells them more or less that they are 'not a problem' ...)
And for the last time they do this something for me, I will make it special (like you with the pizza) and give them a (small) gift or invite them to dinner.... as a thank you. I think people always appreciate thank yous :)


She liked the idea and said she was going to the gym that evening.



Raaf
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31 Mar 2011, 9:21 pm

That worked out very well then! :)



vetwithAS
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03 Apr 2011, 12:40 am

This is one of the biggest social issues I have. But I find I'm really impaired by it when trying to speak my thoughts. If I'm writing them I don't have near as much of an issue. I haven't always been this way though. Whereas I seem to have a heavy brain-mouth filter as an adult, as a child I had practically no brain-mouth filter. To put it mildly, this caused some issues during my childhood. I think my current problem developed as a subconscious defense mechanism over the years, but went further than was really needed.