Dox47 wrote:
Whenever I've seen Aspergers denial, it's always seemed to come down to the denier thinking that the presumed Aspie is going to try to use the diagnosis as an excuse for past or future behavior. I've seen this on a number of occasions second hand, usually coming from the family of a self diagnosed or suspected Aspie. This often leads to a fixation by the Aspie to get properlay diagnosed, and the implied idea that once their condition has been "legitimized" that the deniers will HAVE to take their autism into account regarding past problems. I've found that making extremely clear that the diagnosis is only part of a process of self discovery and not going to be used as a sort of get out of jail free card for misbehavior can go a long way in quashing this kind of thing.
Yeah, and honestly? I think the expectation (on the part of some nonautistic people) that autistic people will use it as a get out of jail free card, is itself a get out of jail free card for the nonautistic people in question to stereotype, bully, disbelieve, whatever, the autistic person in question.
I have seen a lot of people accused of this and the vast majority of the time it's a totally unfounded accusation. Either it's someone misunderstanding the social model of disability and similar ways of looking at the world, or it's someone who doesn't want to be held responsible themselves for being nasty to a disabled person (especially if they have the common idea in their head that that is "lower than low" and don't want to think of themselves that way).
A lot of the time the accusation comes during something like a debate that has gone nasty because someone really didn't get that autistic people don't take things literally just to be a smart aleck. And they say "no seriously I'm autistic I take things literally I didn't mean anything by it" and the other person snaps back with "I bet you're one of those self-diagnosed Asperger types who use it as an excuse to be a jerk. You should see what real autism is like." Because the person really doesn't want to admit they were wrong about the autistic person's motivations.
The worst part of situations like that is you just know the person will see that as someone using it as an excuse and then later will be able to add, " And I have personal experience so don't tell me it doesn't happen."
Other times I have seen it where the autistic person is really and truly being messed with by bullies who don't want to admit that they have been targeting someone because of disability.
And other times the person has either heard rumors that Aspergers is a fake condition people self diagnose to avoid responsibility, or has met (or thinks they've met) a few who do.
Among autistic people there can be totally similar misunderstandings leading some of us go think it truly is rampant and then distance themselves from the stereotype instead of denying the stereotype itself.
Plus once you've heard the rumor and you meet someone who either fits it or just seems to, it's a common human fallacy to see those few people as proof the stereotype is real. I have met a small number of people who fit it, a slightly larger number of people who just seem to fit it, and a huge number of people who don't. But the few who do don't make me think it's widespread, and I don't pretend to be able to tell with someone I don't know particularly well most of the time.
But... yeah. Not only don't I think it's common, but when it's real I don't think it has anything to do with being self-diagnosed. The person I know (in person) who is the absolute worst I have ever seen, is professionally diagnosed and seems to have behaved this way since childhood because he was allowed to get away with it. And the funny thing us one of his pet peeves is "autistic people who won't take responsibility" even though he evades responsibility for even the tiniest of things.
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"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams