What do you think of this?

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here is the current situation at the moment

i am living at home with my brother and parents and unemployed becuase i just can't function very well becuase of my HFA
i have made my parents live hell with my repetitive behaviour
my brother is bigger and stronger than
my brother keeps trying to knock my teeth out at the moment so that is another problem i have
my parents love my brother and not me so they allow him to live at home
my brother is 18 (19 this year) and i am 21
my brother said to me this morning after kicking me and pushing me that "I am the most evil person in the world", "I am disgusting", "my life is meaningless", "I am useless" and that "I would be better of dead" "Everyone hates me", "I make everyones life misrable"
he lashed out this morning becuase i ringed up my dad at work and told him that my brother was trying to knock my teeth out.
whenever i ask my parents to find my brother his own place to live they just don't care and refuse to do it kinda excusing his behaviour
my brother is unemployed and not working so we are foced to live together
he goes to the gym and does kickboxing as a means to boss me around as well.
my parents have brought me my own apartment but i can't hold down a job or fucniton well enough too move into it.

I know i am not a very nice person but after the confrontation i had with my brother this morning i just broke down in tears in my outside garden because its so depressing what he said to me..... i just can't stand living with my brother becuase he harrases me all the time and i think the worst thing he said was "I would be better of dead"


Do you see why autisim can ruin lives becuase i am always angry and get annoyed about small things. Its terrible and i have got quite a low functioning form of aspergers. I am hoping they might find a cure for autism in our lifetime.

Next time your brother hurts you physically, maybe call the police and not your dad? Knocking people's teeth out, or threatening to do so, isn't legal in the UK, is it?

Do you think it might be possible for you to work temporary jobs, a couple of months at a time, making some money which you then use to sustain yourself while travelling around a bit? I did that when I was your age. The problems I had with the jobs I could tolerate because they were temporary. It could be a completely crappy job which would be horrible if having to do it forever, e.g. pulling the guts out of fish and frequently getting fishes' inner juices splashed into my face.
Travelling around you will find that negative experiences affect you much less than when you're tied to a certain location (i.e. living permanently in a house/apartment), because if you don't like it where you are, you can go elsewhere.

I think a lot of problematic situations people have today (including autism) are in part explainable by the fact that people are confined to small enclosed spaces (i.e. their homes), which they can't easily leave. This makes bothersome experiences much more bothersome, because you feel you can't escape them. For the longest time in human evolution people lived in rural communities (much more space, most time spent outside) or hunter/gatherer tribes (plenty of space, no hecticity, no permanently fixed location). This is the situation our brains "expect" to find when coming out of the womb. Finding a starkly different situation could lead some of the more sensitive brains to go into the state of shock called "autism".

I've said this before, and I'll say it again.

It seems to me that your family is one of the worst things in your life right now. They seem to pour out negativity with relish.

Not a good place to live.

Yeah i get where your coming from about the importance of jobs but my brother who is NT is struggling to find a job and i don't see how i would do much better than him in finding a job. and i really do like my house and my garden just not the people that live in it aka my family. but you know something i am a very hard person to live with and its not all my familys fault but i think my parents are letting me down big time in controlling my brothers behaviour.

Do you think my brother should really be moving out and finding his own place himself since he will be finding out this week if he has successfully landed the job working at the local hospital.

I think you should take advantage of the apartment your parents have bought for you and get out of the destructive environment that appears to be your family home. You might surprise yourself with how much better you function outside of it.

Or a far better idea my brother could move into the apartment if he gets the job since he is capable at functiong at a higher level than me even though he might have ADHD himself......

Really though my parents are on my brothers side so they will always want me to move out before him so really its like fighting a losing battle expecting my mum and dad to kick him out fo the house.

Jamesy, you are really in a bad situation right now. What your brother has been doing to you is "Assault", and is illegal. The next time he does this, call the police, and do press charges. When the police come have them explain to your parents that they are arresting your brother because beating people up is against the law even when the victim is a relative. In the mean time, you should contact your local social service department for help. Explain your problem to them and ask them if they can help you with financial assistance to live some where else. If things get really bad you might try living at a YMCA, or a Salvation Army shelter. Unfortunately, The SA shelters over here in the US usually have a time limit for how long you can stay, and the same may be true on your side of the pond. I had to stay in an SA shelter for a month once after a falling out with my own brother. You don't have to share their religious views to stay there--I don't, and had no problem being admitted. They provide a much needed safety valve. I wish there were more such shelters around. For that matter I wish they weren't needed. Did you know that every dollar donated to the SA stays in the local community area where it is collected, to help local citizens? And, they don't pay the SA staff big bucks out of the donations, either.

I know you are going through hell right now. I am over 50 and have had to endure a lifetime of depression due to my Aspergers, but I have managed to develop coping mechanisms to help me through it. Music and humor are a big help, and I've heard that exercise helps, too.--Should have tried that one before my knees gave out.

The best thing for you right now is to get out of your unhealthy living situation. And remember, your brother is a Klingon. The next time he goes on the rampage, call for Star Fleet (the cops, or should I have said Bobbies)! Hang in there.--Questor

Exactly. So give up on expecting it.
You have an apartment and can help yourself by moving there.
Or you can stay in a destructive environment.
It's your choice.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living your life. Like I said, you might surprise yourself. Or you might fall flat on your face. But there is only one way to find out.

the thing is i used to be the one scaring my brother 2 years ago before i gave up the gym becuase of lack of money and hence my bro continued going to the gym and taking up kickboxing just to control me....... maybe i should buy home weights so i can stand up for myself against my brother???? Its just one solution but then again my brother has been training for longer than me.


also why do you think my parents don't want to move him out? Just becuase he is only 2-3 years younger than me?

Maybe they do want to move him out, but can't afford to buy another apartment which will get left empty because the two of you want to stay at home...

well this is why i think my brother should move out before me

my brother is capable of functioning at a higher level than me indepedantly and he is just being plain lazy refusing to move out and stay put at home. he also sometimes milks me and my parents of money.

my parents did buy the apartment for me but there is nothing wrong with them changing there plans and moving my brother into the apartment instead. the apartment is currently being preocupied by a couple who are not part of our family.

he is by law an adult at 18. (he will be 19 in about 1 month.)


there is a lesson to this that parents think there first born children need brothers and sisters but they really don't esspecially if there autistic.

Temp jobs are much easier to find than permanent ones, because it's easier for employers to fire you from them, and because you can afford to be less critical as to the nature and circumstances of the job.



Your family isn't going to leave, though. So you have to choose between (A) your desire to be where you are and (B) your desire not to have your family around you. On the longer run, (B) is almost certainly your best option.



I sympathize a lot with you but there is one important mistake in the way you're thinking about your situation, indicated by your use of the word "should". It's not relevant what your brother and your parents "should" do. It's important what they will in fact do. The chance they (or anyone other than you yourself) will do what you think "should" be done is very nearly zero. If your brother doesn't want to leave the house yet (which I'm guessing he won't for another few years, since he's only 18), your parents probably won't make him.
You have to accept you can't control what other people do. This is a good thing, not a bad thing, because otherwise it would also be appropriate for other people to try and control you, which in fact is neither appropriate nor possible, right?

Well its my parents house not my brothers so they could kick him out since he is virtually 19 now. my dads parents kicked my uncle out into his own place when he was 21.

if they let my brother stay here for another few that is plenty of time for potentially disasterous things to happen and the consequences will not be good.

again if my brother gets the job and starts to earn money i see no reason why my parents would not get him ready to move him into the apartment if he is causing issues for me at home .but yeah i understand its not all that common for 19 years old to move into there own place.

why are born into the families god gave us and we cannot change them for another family.