It's the most wonderful time of the year... for NTs...

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WarWraith
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09 Dec 2013, 3:40 am

On the other hand, I'm not so sure about me. Maybe it's just me and not to do with the ASD, but I like the idea of Christmas, but not the actualities of it...

eg:

Giving gifts: OK, so the best gifts are the ones where you think about what would be really suitable for the person, and that they don't already have, and buy that for them.
Problem: To me, that seems to require that Theory of Mind stuff. So I panic about what to buy them, and (particularly when it comes to my wife), end up buying the wrong thing. You'd be surprised how much it's NOT the thought that counts. Like the year that all I the presents I bought her were themed. The theme was teddy bears; only problem was she was 19. Not exactly age-appropriate gifts.

The main gift was this ceramic teddy bear designed to sit on a mantlepiece. She really hated that. I refused to get rid of it. After 16 years of marriage, I found it in a box in the garage and tried to give it to my 9 year old daughter. "Ugh, it's got psycho eyes, dad!" It's (finally!) gone now.

Or the year I got her an illuminated magnifying mirror. Except there was no-where for it to fit on the vanity unit in the ensuite, and nowhere to plug it in.

Oh yeah... it was an ILLUMINATED MIRROR. #facepalm

I now just keep a list of things she says she likes during the year and buy something off the list.

Wrapping gifts: I'm super clumsy. Always have been. I end up a sweating, dripping mess, with bits of tape stuck to everything (mainly to itself), and a pile of torn wrapping paper, because I'll be halfway through wrapping the present and tear the paper.

Then there are the social events. Do I really need to explain? Suffice to say, I'll generally end up standing near the food and shotgunning beers because most of the small talk goes right past me.


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KingdomOfRats
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09 Dec 2013, 5:10 am

totaly agreed with that.

it is a theory of mind thing,am always told am buying for self and not for the present reciever because the gift is always something am interested in,this is why am greatful for having two nieces who are into the same stuff,just bought the older niece a beautiful little dress with horses on it from sainsburys and bought the other one a disney dvd.

it might be wise to buy people that are difficult a gift token for their favourite shop instead so they can buy whatever they want to buy.
its lazy but some people prefer that.



BuyerBeware
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09 Dec 2013, 8:17 am

Congratulations, you've cracked the Christmas Code. Keep a list of what they say they like, and buy something off the list.

You'd be purely amazed at the number of NTs who do exactly the same thing.

Other solutions:

--Give cash. It's always the right size, always the right color.

--Go Mennonite: Buy Nothing Christmas.

--Start Christmas shopping in August. Plenty of time for thought, and plenty of time for second thoughts.

--Everyone gets a gift certificate, and a special shopping trip, alone with you, to spend it on whatever they want.

Dunno what to tell you to do about holiday gatherings. Personally, I tend to live in the kitchen, washing dishes and such, or where-ever the little kids are hanging out. Being female makes this look a lot less weird.

Guess what?? The world is full of NTs who really don't like all the Christmas hoopla either.


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AspieTurtle
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09 Dec 2013, 8:36 am

The holidays are always tough on me. People change the way they act and that really throws me off.
Also I hate decorations. Not that there is anything wrong with them. And I want others to be happy. But I do not like things to change. Having a big tree in the house where it isn't the rest of the year makes me very angry and stressed on the inside. :evil: And stores all change where they put things. Uggg.
Also I don't like the flashing lights all over the place.
My favorite day of the year is the day after when I can start taking down that tree!! !!

If only the world would never change and everything stayed the same.... ahhhhh :-)



enigmeow
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09 Dec 2013, 9:02 am

true definitions of hell..

Going to a crowded mall and Christmas shopping and dealing with the chaos of sights and sounds. Dealing with random sales people while searching for obscure items. Struggling to come up with a "surprise" gift for the first time in ten years. Office Christmas parties with a unbelievably loud band. Long crowded plane flights trying to get to remote locations.

And than the worst thing.. Family Christmas parties where 20 people show up you've never met (since you are at somebody elses house) and want to talk. Thank you to football where you can sit on the couch and pretend to be paying attention to the game and ignore everybody else there. Thank you for kindle apps on your phone where you can now sit in the middle of a room of people and read a book and look like you are just checking your email for the thousandth time.

To be honest, I love Christmas when it is just my family at home. I love the look of joy on the faces of my kids on Christmas morning.


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09 Dec 2013, 10:39 am

My favorite holiday is New Year's Eve. A new beginning, and a relief from holiday madness all bundled together makes a perfect gift.



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09 Dec 2013, 10:58 am

I don't even try to do Christmas any more. It just makes me more lonely. This year, I think I met a family I can pass on some of my decorations to, though. Their girls are having fun with the tree. I put up the outside lights in thanks for the fun I had at this time of year as a kid. I still get excited when I see the first snow, because it meant that the big people would be leaving cookies and candy around, and I'd get new toys. One of the better years since then was at a college dorm, with all the other misfits who couldn't or wouldn't go home. Here, when they ask me who I'm related to, and I say nobody local, they don't know what to say next. December is a good time to try to get some projects finished, but a hard time to shop or set up a meeting.



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09 Dec 2013, 11:46 am

I don't have any issues with it. Gifts, good food, my family... All good.

There are only two people I give gifts to. My mother is easy, my father is a difficult, but that doesn't make me hate the season.
We usually shop our gifts online, but even before that we had the sense to not shop for Christmas on the days right before. Why go when it's too packed to even enter? Just go earlier.

It's always been my closest family for Christmas, so nice and no problem.


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20 Dec 2013, 5:39 pm

For me, Christmas is not wonderful because of the family or giving gifts, but because I get to celebrate the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has forgiven me for my sins and loves me despite the fact I am a sinner. Without Jesus, Christmas would mean nothing.

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.



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20 Dec 2013, 7:02 pm

I love the gift giving side. It gives me something to do and get out of my crazy head for awhile. I also like to buy gifts for people that I know they'll love. It often reflects how I know them. I often file away gift ideas throughout the year. I buy my gifts online from other parts of the country so if I've got 3 weeks before Christmas I can get it all out the way then. This year it worked out. All my gifts are here and ready to be wrapped, plus three extra things I bought for myself to get free postage.

I'm a clumsy wrapper that it's hilarious. I'd end up making 'card pockets' because of the haphazard way I wrap presents.

I admit the social side to it is getting me nervous. Lately I've been overstimulated by just 3-4 people, annoyed with their insensitivity and do get a bit argumentative. I don't often get along with people. When I do I can appear nice and open minded but then they might say something that triggers a negative mood.

My main worry is about getting sensory over stimulation or irritated so much I could have an outburst.

The best part though, is the food.

Musicgirl wrote:
For me, Christmas is not wonderful because of the family or giving gifts, but because I get to celebrate the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has forgiven me for my sins and loves me despite the fact I am a sinner. Without Jesus, Christmas would mean nothing.

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.


Same with me, but most of my family are atheists so Christmas and Easter can be very lonely times for me. At least I can talk about that kind of stuff with my mum.


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20 Dec 2013, 10:26 pm

enigmeow wrote:
true definitions of hell..

Going to a crowded mall and Christmas shopping and dealing with the chaos of sights and sounds. Dealing with random sales people while searching for obscure items.



I hate crowded malls, too. I hate it when people walk straight towards you with strollers, and won't move to one side even though there's room. They'll push their tank of a stroller right up to you and run over your foot before they'll move to the side. I hate it when those young, squealy valley-girl types walk 4 of them side by side and block off the whole aisle, walking really slowly. (I can't stand the young squealy valley-girl types anyway). I hate it when you're moving with the crowd, and somebody from behind or the side starts pushing you.
That's why online shopping was the best thing ever created. I bought all of my Christmas gifts online this year, and avoided that hell altogether. :D



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21 Dec 2013, 12:11 am

pensieve wrote:
I love the gift giving side. It gives me something to do and get out of my crazy head for awhile. I also like to buy gifts for people that I know they'll love. It often reflects how I know them. I often file away gift ideas throughout the year. I buy my gifts online from other parts of the country so if I've got 3 weeks before Christmas I can get it all out the way then. This year it worked out. All my gifts are here and ready to be wrapped, plus three extra things I bought for myself to get free postage.

I'm a clumsy wrapper that it's hilarious. I'd end up making 'card pockets' because of the haphazard way I wrap presents.

I admit the social side to it is getting me nervous. Lately I've been overstimulated by just 3-4 people, annoyed with their insensitivity and do get a bit argumentative. I don't often get along with people. When I do I can appear nice and open minded but then they might say something that triggers a negative mood.

My main worry is about getting sensory over stimulation or irritated so much I could have an outburst.

The best part though, is the food.

Musicgirl wrote:
For me, Christmas is not wonderful because of the family or giving gifts, but because I get to celebrate the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has forgiven me for my sins and loves me despite the fact I am a sinner. Without Jesus, Christmas would mean nothing.

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.


Same with me, but most of my family are atheists so Christmas and Easter can be very lonely times for me. At least I can talk about that kind of stuff with my mum.


I agree with both of you on this one. I enjoy giving and celebrating the birth of Jesus.


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21 Dec 2013, 12:12 am

pensieve wrote:
I love the gift giving side. It gives me something to do and get out of my crazy head for awhile. I also like to buy gifts for people that I know they'll love. It often reflects how I know them. I often file away gift ideas throughout the year. I buy my gifts online from other parts of the country so if I've got 3 weeks before Christmas I can get it all out the way then. This year it worked out. All my gifts are here and ready to be wrapped, plus three extra things I bought for myself to get free postage.

I'm a clumsy wrapper that it's hilarious. I'd end up making 'card pockets' because of the haphazard way I wrap presents.

I admit the social side to it is getting me nervous. Lately I've been overstimulated by just 3-4 people, annoyed with their insensitivity and do get a bit argumentative. I don't often get along with people. When I do I can appear nice and open minded but then they might say something that triggers a negative mood.

My main worry is about getting sensory over stimulation or irritated so much I could have an outburst.

The best part though, is the food.

Musicgirl wrote:
For me, Christmas is not wonderful because of the family or giving gifts, but because I get to celebrate the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has forgiven me for my sins and loves me despite the fact I am a sinner. Without Jesus, Christmas would mean nothing.

Isaiah 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.


Same with me, but most of my family are atheists so Christmas and Easter can be very lonely times for me. At least I can talk about that kind of stuff with my mum.


I agree with both of you on this one. I enjoy giving and celebrating the birth of Jesus.


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21 Dec 2013, 12:20 am

I'm an atheist, but I enjoy celebrating the winter solstice and calling it "Christmas" to keep the peace. My way of enjoying it is just different from most. I like sitting and staring at the little white lights on the tree while listening to medieval music. Very relaxing. It's probably going to be the next big miracle cure for autism.



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21 Dec 2013, 12:21 am

I'm the polar opposite when it comes to giving gifts. I always know just what to get for each person, for Christmas & birthdays. I often get complimented by others (not the gift recipient) on my gifts - especially those for my youngest God daughter. I have had an amazing run of good luck with getting her things that just make her light up and smile & her family/grandmothers notice and compliment me for it. This Christmas I've gotten some pretty thoughtful gifts for people & expect them to be very well received. 8)


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21 Dec 2013, 12:52 am

I used to really enjoy the holiday season as a kid, but over the last several years I've just become more and more disillusioned with it, to the point that I sort of stopped caring. :P This year however, I actually decided to travel back to my home town for a month to visit my friends and relatives, and to hopefully enjoy the holiday spirit as well. I'm certainly feeling it more now than I did last year, since I quit giving a crap about giving or receiving gifts, I quit worrying about being perceived as odd for participating in a "Christian" event despite my atheism (whenever people ask I just say I'm celebrating Yule, because really, all of the fun stuff about "Christmas" was invented by pagans :P), and most importantly, I'm 4 hours away from my dad or my step relatives, so I don't have to be around anyone I don't care for. :D

Can the season be awkward for aspies? Perhaps. I know that it can be full of tension and stress and frustration and disappointment, especially if you're rather materialistic like I sometimes am. I don't seem so materialistic now, but even just a year ago I remember getting really jealous of other people's gifts and such, and feeling bad for not being able to afford gifts for other people due to my lousy money management skills. I'm still disappointed that I can't have a "magical Christmas" like I had a few times as a kid where I just had fun and got cool stuff, but I've learned to accept it somewhat.