Out with escaping and in with reality. a recent wakeup call

Post Reply New Topic

I'm on the verge of 21, and it seems as though I've been wasting day after day after DAY never completing homework assignments in the afternoon--I have about 4 hours to myself after getting an early leave from classes at lunchtime (i'm in college), not to mention keeping my room clean, doing 'stupid' stuff (as my mother and I say) like songwriting and vlogs (you tube blogs) but most of all, i'm a complete and utter computer junkie, and my mom got way fed up with it, especially recently, but today the you-know-what hit the fan, and she completely flipped.

It was when she finally caught me doing my umpteenth blog and she came in with her same half-sneering personality looming, and before I knew it my expression leaked to her that I had exposed my name, location, one too many pics of myself to the entire world, triggering my mom into complete disdain and lecturing--or more like fecisiously taunting me and downsizing me at the same time--one of the biggest deals being that I was, and I knew this, trying to be like the girl in the movie Julie and Julia (a movie in which a woman creates a blog that gains a huge following as she cooks marathon recipes and tries to model after famous cook Julia Child)...just because she compared me to the woman saying that, like usual, i have the maturity of a 14 year old and really need to be careful, that the woman of course knew what she was doing aand....well this is a really long story but I will also give to you that she indeed also taunted me by sarcastically taking my idea of charting progress of reading marathon chapters of the Tao Te Ching and saying something like...that I should read the Tao to help myself feel better or something. But I don't feel like ranting as much as I want to rave about the true breakthrough I had, all that I had to learn, and how much I wanted to end up on a clean slate. asap.

After about 45 minutes of stuffing my nostrils and sinuses silly with a bout of crying, I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop escaping using the computer, procrastinating from getting my graphic design homework done, stop getting my name out there so much. but most of all, I realized that without my mom being angry about me having needed to protect my identity I would have never realized so fast that I wanted to change...I mean, It probably would have happened sooner or later but anyhow it just proves that pain and brutal honesty--that which came from me confessing many a mistake, from the obvious internet exposure to some other things--is good when it comes to the pleasant, confident and hopeful side in the end. I think every aspie or NP should have a wake up call like this--that is, those who are in the dark and don't know it's daylight untill someone pulls the covers out from over them forcedly. know what I mean?

hopefully you do, after reading this long winded story, which i appreciate you having done if you did so make the decision.
over n out, *c.l.*

I unplugged, sold my computer and just stopped being online for three years, altrocksongbyrd841. At first I was insane with withdrawal. I paced so much I decided to start walking and I walked ultimately for miles a day, just thinking with no music or radio to keep me company. I read tree books and leaned other ways to waste and fritter away my time, taking classes and walking and doing homework and stuff.

But the bottom line was, altrocksongbyrd841, I found other ways to fritter away my time doing 'stupid stuff'. People did that just watching TV before there were computers, and listening to radio before there was TV and just 'puttering around' long before Radio or electricity.

So, good luck, it's an addiction, that it is. . .and like all addictions, going cold turkey is often not only the best way, but the only way.

Merle

I don't know what classes you are taking right now, but wouldn't you be on the computer to do the lessons anyway? I had to use the computer for everything except the traditional art classes. I am older- much older, so I haven't had to go through the "reality checks" in a while. I did have trouble getting things done at your age. I still have trouble sometimes, but since I have to get paid (I am a graphic designer) I have to work. I work at home, and I have to get on the computer or go to my drawing board (literally) and work on the projects I have. I do this in the afternoon and evening after I have helped my daughter with school and done my mom's errands. I cook dinner, then I do some more work. Then I can do whatever I want on the computer. I tell you all of this because this may be similar to your life when you are older and decide to have a family of your own. You have to schedule your day, get the work and other obligations done before blogging and all. I know you know all this- i don't want to lecture. But if you tell yourself that you cant blog or vlog until X,Y, and Z are done, then you can get your school work done and then do whatever else you want.

Also, it would be easy for someone to figure out my online persona if they wanted to. I get a lot of my work from online sources, so that is not a bad thing. They cant find out where I live, of course, but my name could be found. I use a completely different handle on sites I don't want associated with my work- like a certain conspiracy forum. It is really important to stay safe . I am glad you realize that, and I know it is hard to take the yelling and lecturing. Just stay strong and do better, and it will be better for you.

I've had an experience, that might not be computer related, but it was a wake-up call, for me.

I got my wake-up call, last year, on Canada Day, when two friends and I, were walking home from a nearby park, late in the afternoon, on Canada Day. I saw a bunch of teenagers, who were up on the latest of everything. Being the cynical and rebellious fake Punk Rocker that I was, at the time, I did the British sign for F*** Off! and said, "Take that, mainstream society. The younger friend, who's only two years older than myself, snapped, "They're not that bad!" and she walked far ahead me, as fast as she could. I've sat around my clubhouse and my apartment, thinking about how angry I was, at the world, on the verge of getting a Mohawk.

I came to the realization that I can't really be doing that, when that young friend and I were on the bus home, and two "b*****s" - that's what I called them, out loud, were talking and turning the radio, way down, when 'You Really Got Me', by The Kinks, were playing on the radio. I gave myself a week, to think about that, and I went back to my 60s Mod roots, the following Friday.

I've been staying away from coloured gels and listening and dressing like The Kinks, ever since, and I'm a much better person, for it.

The Punk Rock thing, was my fantasy, and The Kinks are my reality.