It's SO HARD!

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Trying to say the right thing and "creating a script" as in the right thing to say or how to say X thing nicer. DARN IT! It's so HARD! To script stuff!! ! This comes natural to NT's while Aspies are rude and say the wrong thing etc. For example instead of saying mom you need to do that letter today I "scripted" Hey maybe when we get home I can help you with that letter." I know it sounds better but it's longer and KNOWING it's "scripted" IMO it sounds FAKE! DARN IT! I know I'm not the only one with this issue as other Aspies have it too but it's SO HARD to "script" stuff!! !

"You're so stupid"="You're so silly."

Same meaning but different wording. I do this a lot to my friends. I don't feel fake when I do it because I don't want to put my own friends down because I wouldn't want to keep talking to someone who keeps putting me down.


I honestly don't see you saying the wrong things a lot and your family members are just drama queens. They seem to get upset over little things. Probably telling them a movie sucked they rented would set them off.

Look on the bright side. Who cares about your family? You have us to come to, and we enjoy having you around.

It's got easier for me with age.......substituting a script for my initial gut reaction has become second nature to some extent. It's as if I've got a "cruelty monitor" scanning everything that comes into my head, and the more sensitive, punch-pulling syntax just seems to fall into place. It doesn't really feel like a fudging of the truth the way it used to, as long as I'm sure that I'm not just caving in to them. I've had tons of practice with emails etc., where I've had plenty of time to edit my thoughts into something a little more diplomatic, and now a lot of that learning seems to have become available to me in realtime.

I think a lot of it was being caused by my negative attitude and distrust of others.....these days I find it easier to keep in mind that most people aren't really any worse than I am, and that they're actually very similar to me with their hopes, dreams, fears and vulnerabilities. I'm still very well-defended but being nice to people doesn't have to mean taking down those defenses.

It waxes and wanes a lot, rather like my self-confidence does, but on a good day I can sometimes give out my own version of "tough love," where I challenge the other person but try at the same time to give them evidence that just because I'm not blind to their faults doesn't mean that I don't care about them. On a bad day I'm right back at Square One, but I try to remember that good days will follow.

When I was in third grade and beginning to see how my speech style isolated me, my mother gave me an antique etiquette book. I read and memorized rules for seafood forks and letters of correspondence. It seemed like I had discovered the perfect formula for social interaction, but now I am told that my manners are too antiquated and formal. Still, I have found that memorizing the way to politely answer the phone or ask for help is valuable
"Please" and "thank you" are, to borrow the words of ToughDiamond, second nature to me.
It's not necessarily diplomatic because it can appear unfriendly in very casual situations. I don't care if people are offended by manners. I'm rarely or never unkind through direct insults. I don't intend to be rude, and people who know me understand

Pretty much, right here. It took me quite some time to learn the importance of word choice in a certain context. I still make mistakes, though.

Yes, I also struggle with civility.

I struggled with this for a while (this and other stuff naturally), then i figured something out that may help.

Do not "script", "Translate", NT's have all these weird ways and almost sometimes a totally separate obscure "language" with its own rules, context, Tense etc.. and That's the trick. Translation instead of recitation/self-editing.

"scripts"/"by rote" does come across as "Fake" and can really negatively impact social interaction, approaching it as a matter of different "languages" or different cultural uses of a very similar language (I.E american english - british english) can be very helpful, also realising when its "okay" to be rude, there are culturally acceptable instances to "be rude" or, "correct someone/something" however some NT's (and people in general) will not like being corrected and even though your "right" to say what you did and someone more mature would have just taken it as correction, some people will use "your being rude" to express their dislike of being corrected (can be an ego thing) how you find out which it is, is sadly cultural and linguistic study, which as all languages have "rules" and "structure" to them, you can do.

To the title: "That's what she said." [Sorry... maybe Michael from The Office has gotten to me =s]

I used to think that everyone was faking it too and hated it when people did certain things because I would think "FAKE FAKE FAKE!! Why can't you be honest!?"

I'm soooo tired of putting on a face for my mom and school friends. I just want to relax!

Ah well... I feel your pain. =/

I scripted today even! I hugged mom and said thanks for doing the letter thing. It fealt SO ODD!! !!

I'm pretty surprised you're not used to these things by now, we're the same age and I learned to do this in elementary school.

Haha, don't worry, that was my first thought too.

Oddly enough, this is something I've found to be pretty easy; I'm good at realizing the different nuances of words I choose.

My aunt always says, "Fake it til you make it!"

After that it just becomes a habit and you don't think about it as much.

Part of what makes it hard for us, in my opinion, is that it feels so fake. But other folks just do this naturally. I think it's great that you can practice on your mom!

Just keep practicing. It's the only thing that works. You'll learn eventually through trial and error.

Thanks for the advice. Also BTW I'm shocked Lecks you knew this in Elementary that's cool!