sooo frustrated trying to figure this stuff out...

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I see it more from NTs than from us a lot of the time (no, I'm not meaning this in a negative way, it's just something I've noticed)... we can find angles to situations and such, remain objective... well, some of us can, haha-I've never asked, so don't know for sure... guess I'm assuming a lot are like me.

Anyway, I see it a lot... people screaming about things the minute something bad comes across, and 10 people jumping in and getting angry right along with it. It doesn't bother me so much if they have reason, or have had experience, but just to assume things? I mean, half the time when I see it, there are not nearly enough details to a situation provided to get a good idea of what actually happened... yet, people still join in and get riled up over things. They don't ask questions about what happened, they don't care about the other person's side of the story... they just go with whatever the emotion is at the moment. Maybe I'm misreading what is going on-I bet there is a lot more to it than just that, but that is just what I see.

So... considering asking questions about one another and such, and asking questions for clarification of things, is something I figured is part of social rules and such.... I don't get it. I don't get why I have a diagnosis, when I'm the only one asking questions to get a really good idea of what that person is upset about. I don't get why I've got the diagnosis, if I'm the only one who remains objective and tries to help people based on that (when I'm stuck being involved in the situation).

Do any of you guys have moments like this? Where everything seems upside down, like you're the only one making any sense and nobody is listening? Do you ever feel like you should be the "norm" because it seems to be much better communication ultimately?

I mean, obviously, if I'm the only one like this in a group of 20, that right there is the reason for the diagnosis, lol. I do realize that. But it's still frustrating that people seem to ignore basic communication skills then point it out that what I'm doing is wrong...

Well, the NT wiring works pretty well--that's why it's the most popular arrangement--but sometimes, it isn't the best brain for the situation; and that's when things get pretty annoying.

For example, some kinds of brains work very well with computers. (Not necessarily, but often, autistic ones.) Ever tried to explain to an NT who's used to working with the general, squishy real world how to tell a computer how to do something? They're not stupid; they just haven't got the sort of brain that works well with a machine.

Some situations, it's the NT average that has a disadvantage. If you're talking about NTs, then that disadvantage is an advantage in most other situations--for example, making quick decisions without having all the information works very well when you're trying to decide whether to run from a shadow in the woods, or which kind of apple to buy at the supermarket. Without the ability to make quick decisions, you'd be frozen (as I often am) weighing all the alternatives and mathematically calculating the values and odds of possible outcomes. But there's a small group of decisions where this ability to make quick decisions can be a disadvantage--buying a car on impulse, or having sex on impulse, for example--and NTs have to learn how NOT to make those quick-and-dirty choices. (I don't know if you have that quick-decision ability, or how much you rely on it; it's an example. I'm pretty sure there are impulsive Aspies because there are some at WP, and they are probably better at picking apples in the supermarket than I am.)

Probably the situations you're seeing are situations that fall outside the range of what the average brain is good at, where people have to learn how to do things rather than rely on native wiring, but where many people aren't taught.

I get this, all the time. It's like I'm the one who's normal, and everybody else has the problems.

Where do social rules come from?

Yes, it's exactly that kind of feeling.

Callista, you are right. I know their minds work better for some things... and definitely when it comes to empathy-well better than me. They auto pick up on the emotion and know what to do...
I pick up on the emotion, and automatically want more details, lol.

That's another good question, lol. From people I've talked to, it varies from person to person... there still seems to be a general outline of what to do/what not to do, but the answers for it are very rarely ever the same. So... why are we socially impaired again?

I agree, It's absolutely frustrating to see people upset themselves over things so baseless; and if for any reason I try and explain something more broadly, or suggest that we might want more information before acting I get a accused of being "semantical".

Last edited by devark on 26 Mar 2010, 8:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh yes. I'm familiar with this distressing phenomenon. The slang for it is "grabbing the pitchforks". (For those unfamiliar with that idiomatic expression, it's a "Frankenstein" reference about the villagers who grabbed their pitchforks and were ready to skewer Frankebstein's monster/creation before finding out what he actuallydid.)

Like Callista said, it's a side effect of "quick and dirty" fast subconscious processing. It's excellent for keeping you alive when predators are about (and there are a lot of human predators about) and terrible when making large purchases or sexual decisions. And downright dangerous when something bad has happened and opeople "grab the pitchforks" and get ready to skewer somebody. I have read that the entire concept of formal justice systems came into being millenia ago to clamp down on this very dangerous impulse.

I think I understand this. I don't always agree with what the person posting thinks, or that the NT in the situation is always in the wrong. Sometimes the fault squarely lies with the person with aspergers. Unfortunately, if they happen to post in the Haven, to say so will often lead to accusations of being a troll, or you are accused of being 'insensitive' to the OP. So therefore, the only way to act is to jump aboard the 'NT's are evil' bandwagon

I definitely agree that there are two sides to every argument

I think most NT's use their emotions to make decisions rather than their intellect. I seem to be overruled in most cases,a nd when they find out they made a bad choice, I try to remind them of what I chose, and all the sudden, I'm called a "know it all." All I'm tryinf to do is let them know how many times I've made a correct decision so that they trust me a little more. However, since that doesn't work, I never say a thing.

I agree. There's been many times when people have become overly emotional and angry about little things and I stay calm. When all the fussing is over I calmly tell them what I'd do. I don't always get yelled at but they don't listen to me properly and end up facing the same situation again.
I do like it how I can stay cool when people are emotionally unstable and I just look for the best possible solution.

Just as irksome: People often don't understand my emotion, or the point I'm trying to make, or the alternative view I may try to express. If this occurs in a group setting, the group as a whole seems to discount or ignore what I'm saying.

Human beings are social animals, and part of being social is this very phenomena of "group think" that we're discussing. I'm not sure of all the mechanisms involved when a group of people all sync up emotionally, but it seems to happen quickly or even instantly. The pack acts as one--not as a group of individuals each with their own ideas.

I am often guilty of "falsification-of-beliefs," i.e. just going with it to stay under the radar.

Also, I find that my ability to see many angles in a situation often just plain confuses me more. Even more reason to just let the group do it's thing while I watch the show quietly from around the corner.

Sometimes it feels like I am the normal one and everyone else is strange.

Other angle to this is NT's attach status to position in group. Sometimes high ranking NT will
make others listen to , discuss all issues personal to them, dominate conversation . When it come to you turn ( space-gap in social interaction) they may just " pull a face" and dismiss what you have to say and return to talking about themselves with support of one to three of group members. It is like a socially approved SI.