This happened to me yesterday...

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(bearing in mind that I don't have an official diagnosis and no one but you guys and a friend also on the spectrum knows of my suspicions...)

My sister came round wanting to know why I hate her so much. Now it's true I don't like her very much, she was horrible a as child, always the favorite, perfect daughter and we've never been anything alike. We've spent most of our lives apart and she is pretty much the opposite to me. I suppose it's not that I dislike her personally, I don't like what she is, if that makes sense. Apparently my gf told I hate her, because that's what she though and said I have said it in the past. She thought it'd be helpful and maybe get us talking... But it back fired massively. First off I'm hurt and angry that she would go behind my back like that. I have a major issue with honesty that she's well aware of and I'm angry that though she meant well it should of been my choice to do something about the situation when and if I chose to not have it thrust on me, especially considering how it panned out. So my sister comes around and I say I don't hate her and it goes off into this big loud conversation where she basically talks at me going on about how I never talk to her or see her and so on.... I try to explain that I never see her, or my brothers or anyone for that matter but it doesn't seem like she's listening or believes me. She claims that I ignore her when she sees me out so I try and say that I don't and that I don't notice what's going on around me 99% of the time cos I'm busy thinking... I make her uncomfortable when she's here, I tried to say I don't mean it, I'm just not very good socially and I really have no idea what to say, can't look at her and am sat constantly spinning a 2 pence coin on the desk and just feel really crap. I feel like I really have no opinion and really don't care whether I see her or not, not because I don't like her but because I'm not bothered about seeing people in general. I'm quite happy by myself. She lied about everything I tried to bring up that she had done and claimed that I am constantly digging at and picking on her, mostly through facebook status's but I'm not at all. I said that if she thinks that then she must be doing something to me to make me feel like that cos none of my friends accuses me of writing status about them but that didn't go down well. Even if I'd of had a clue what to say I don't think I'd of had a chance
I feel so tired over it and I don't really understand the point especially as my sister said herself she knows we're not gonna be off out together or shopping, or meeting up all the time or whatever cos that's not my sort of thing. So why come round moaning that I never make any effort to see or talk to her? Am I missing something? SO then I get thinging back to when we were kids and how she used to try and spoil everything or at least be part of everything good anyone else had and wonder if that's what's going on and then wonder if my gf is mad with me or something and wanted to annoy or upset me or maybe make me mad so I'd break up with her and she wouldn't have to put up with me any more Which she said she wasn't and really just thought it'd help to get it out in the open.
I spent most of the night crying and my chest really hurting though feel a bit better now. we've been to the beach and had a bonfire with some old wood while I was doing some gardening, which all help calm me. (Though all these arcade games my kids love are far too much for me) I used to self harm but stopped and didn't for years till last year and have on and off, nothing major mind. I find the physical pain so much easier to cope with than any emotional and it's calming, though I know I shouldn't.
I still don't know what I can or should do and really feel like I don't want to see anyone ever! I'd like to get a real diagnosis cos at least then maybe I could make people understand but I'm too afraid

That's awful. I hope that things get better for you, and I really care about you.

it sounds like the whole interaction was over your head from the very beginning. Neurotypicals can be very good at bringing up things that are upsetting but with motives that are different from the topic stated.

Here is the thing. If it was something you confided in someone and they broke your confidence you don't have to elaborate on it. You can discuss with the person who broke your confidence how you feel but otherwise you don't have to explain your self. You don't have to answer accusations about facebook (?!) or anything else. It was never intended for her to hear. If you wanted to have the conversation with her you would have. You have a right to privacy and to have confidences, etc. End of story.

i am sorry to hear that you're upset.
i know it's hard to make yourself stop thinking about but try not to get too worked up.
we all say things that we don't mean and exaggerates our feelings/thoughts when we're angry or frustrated. leave it a few days, let everyone calm down then approach them to talk things through more calmly perhaps. i understand your annoyance with your gf for saying all those things to your sister, but try see it as an opportunity to get things right. at least the whole issue is out in the open. whilst you're doing your "thinking" over the next few days, jot down what you want to say and explain to your sister and gf, so you could clear the air and move on to build an improved relationship in the future.
my suggestions may not work, but it's what i'd do if i were in your shoes.
chin up!

It might be useful to write a letter to your sister that you do not have to send. Write a bit on one day and then put it away for a while. A few days later, look at it again and do what you can to clarify your thoughts and express yourself best.

Aspies are at a disadvantage in arguments when we can't figure out how to express what we think or feel quickly enough while engaged in the argument. But by writing down your thoughts, you can clarify how you feel and, if it seems like a good idea later, you can send the letter to your sister and hopefully give her a better idea of what you think.

I'm not sure that it matters if you tell her that you suspect you have AS. I get the impression that most NTs have no comprehension of what an Aspie experiences and trying to explain it only seems to confuse the issue. I think it is better to just describe what you think and feel in clear, concrete terms.

I hope things are better for you soon,

Lars

Thank you everyone. I have been thinking of writing her something, just to say, I'm sorry if I've ever upset or offended you in the past, it's never been on purpose etc and that I'm happy on my own and find anything remotely social difficult

But I feel really hurt that the two of them would go behind my back like that and that things I thought had been told in confidence have been passed on because now I have the issue of not wanting to tell anyone anything ever because how can I trust them? If my sister really wanted to know what I thought of her she should of come straight to me, why plot (that's how it feels) with my gf behind my back? The two of them don't even get on... which leads me to think that their more going on than was said. My sister has always been spiteful and pretty devious, how do I know she hasn't done this on purpose to cause bad feeling between me and my gf? I feel angry/sad/hurt/betrayed/... by them both and can't order what I think or feel properly at all. I know it will be impossible to carry on like nothing has happened because it will play on my mind for ages, most likely long after everyone else has forgotten it but at the same time I don't want to make the situation any worse than it already is.

that is how I am too. I goes on like a record in my head for ages. I wonder if this is an aspie thing. It's perfectly okay to go on like it didn't happen, 'letting it go', which generally seems to be the NT way of dealing with things, since alot of times they will blow up as a way of 'letting off steam' and then expect that it will be forgotten whereas we will carry it around and beat up on ourselves for ages about it. In the past about 90% of the times I have brought it up again it has made it worse not better. Or you can give yourself like a week to let it simmer and filter and then just bring it up if there is a point you need to make. Time brings clarity.