I just realized my grandpa may've been Autistic

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From watching that Autism Reality video that Alex put up, it got me to realize my Mom was Autistic.

The big difference between she and I--aside from obviously my learning about it whereas she never did--was that she may've been even more thoroughly mentally disturbed..or she just had dirt poor self-esteem, and pretty much despised herself; hard to tell.

Well, I was chatting with my Dad last night about my Grandma--her mother--and she as well is a very unhappy person; it's quite easy to tell.

She tells me that the best years of her life were as a teenager( for most people that means everything following blew in comparison), and when I told her how successful my business has become, I got almost no reaction out of her; yet I used to get a reaction out of her out of it...yes, a positive one.

One thing I know about my Grandma is that she seemed a bit more "on her rocker" when my Grandpa was alive, as he was the "Spock to her McCoy", as I told my Dad; he was indeed the more logical one between the two of them, and they worked great as a couple because of that.

It got me to suddenly realize something about my Grandpa: the man was more logical than emotional...in fact he didn't show emotion that much at all. He worked for the IRS as an accountant...so yes, he was very good with data and information.

I'm beginning to believe that my Mom's Autism may have been inherited from my Grandfather; it wasn't a generation that really talked about those kind of things, and maybe he just learned how to cover it up well or something...who knows.

But it certainly would make sense.

Wow! That's cool. You must have had one of the coolest Grandpas, in the world, than.

Oh, he was definitely a great guy.

He might've been able to cover it up a bit due to an era of conformity that he was from. And the more I look at pictures of his dad, I'm beginning to think the gene goes back even further.

What pains me though is that...unfortunately as badly as I want to tell my family what I think I figured out, believe me...they don't want to hear it. And I'm not saying that as in "I've told them, and they're in denial"....I'm saying it as in "I don't think they'd be able to handle hearing it".

Remember my Uncle who flipped out when I told him I was Autistic? Yeah..it's that family; and remember, this is the more logical, understanding member of that side of the family.

I imagine you felt the same way I did when I heard about my grandfathers brother and his... oddities.

He had a different coloured toothbrush for everyday of the week, lined them all up on the windows, never had a wife or girlfriend, had intense obsessions (about stamps), few friends (his only "friend" stole his valuable stamp collection while he was in hospital) and was just rather Autistic. Obviously he had even less chance of diagnosis than me, he's about 87 years old.

It's odd when you remember things that sounded strange but actually sound Autistic now...

I've also just found out from my mother that my grandfather and my 4 uncles (mother's brothers) are all on the spectrum. They are all academics and I am now doing my PhD but doubt that I am good enough to lecture and be a "proper" academic like them. I am also the only girl in the family who has Asperger's. My mother and all her sisters (all 5 of them) are all NTs, and so is my sister. I have a few very young cousins who are now being assessed for Asperger's. Again, the girls don't seem to show autistic traits. or perhaps girls are just better at disguising them.

Funny you should mention the stamps: my grandpa collected them, & tried introducing me to the hobby too.

And no...he was pretty into his stamps. Wow, seriously, the more I think about it...


ASGirl, trust me...it's one thing to know your interests back and front, and lecture about them. One day, I may find myself going on tours to make lectures around the world about Capitalism; I'm gonna tell you right now it won't go anywhere near as smoothly as I will believe in my head. We're not good with oral communication.

I've often joked in the past that I'd lose in landslide elections to the biggest Presidential contender rejects in history because though I believe although my positions would be a million times better and whatnot, they'd have the body language skills on their side...and considering many of them, that's a scary thought...

My grandpa was like this too, and he was a Controller for a company for a long time. He had the very stereotypical Asperger traits for men. He also was ,in his time, so good at Chemistry that his scores in college were #2 in the nation. I don't know why he chose to become a businessman instead of a chemist by trade, but he probably wanted a job where he could stay in his office and avoid people. Or it may have been his eye problems. He had gone blind by the time I knew him, and would stay to himself in the dark den in the basement part of the house.

He ate the same thing every day and had the same roast chicken dinner every Saturday night. He would buy a coffee cake every week and cut it up into even pieces, which he rationed for each day (he was wealthy so it wasn't to economize). If anyone ate it he would get very upset. If we touched his tin of pretzels he would get upset. We had monogrammed flatware, and everyone had their own set as well as several sets with just the last name initial. If his monogram set was not at his place-mat he would know and ask where it was. This happened a lot when one of us kids set the table and had a hard time reading the swirly letters of the monogram. He could tell by the feel.

Grandpa wasn't all that emotional and seemed like he didn't have a sense of humor, but I always enjoyed his company. This was during my non-verbal years, so I was not demanding conversation from him. I think that made me easier to deal with. He would hang my paintings up on his wall, and it didn't occur to me until I was an adult that he couldn't see them anyway LOL. It makes it even more special.

My mom has been looking into it since I told her about my being an Aspie, it's pretty obvious she is as well, my dad apparently heard someone mention the term about her once and at times would call her "assburger".

She also confirmed the way my great grandfather on my dads side and I bonded immediately, and how introverted he was normally, but the way I just clicked with how his mind works.

Probably why Granny (great grandmother) was so fond of me after he died, I probably reminded her of him.

well, my discovery lead me to check my parents' wedding album, and yes--he does have the Aspie stare...and so does his dad! So it must've been passed down thru the family.

I also now believe my Uncle may be on the spectrum...but really, really mildly; I mean even moreso than I!

This all though gave me a different perspective on my mom.

When she died, I really resented her, and thought she was a nutjob of a b***h her whole life who got what she deserved, and was just finally at peace.

Knowing what I've come to discover now....I don't think she was really a b***h so much as constantly fighting the battle between the way her brain was "naturally" wired, and the peer pressure that was pushed on her by the family to be accepted.

I honestly believe it drove her nuts...and in the end, her life was taken by the "Aspie Suicide". It just happened later in life, and it happened internally; not from an intentional case.

There was a really good woman under all that...she just didn't know what to do to show it, and it drove her to death.

This is even more reason I so badly wish I could share my discovery with her family....maybe one day I'll find a way....

I realise too that my great-uncle showed traits. He was very hard to get to know - he looked stern and had very little small talk, but he lost temper over minor things. He married rather late for his era, a female doctor. He was a brilliant scholar though, and all his children won scholarships. He could recite poetry he learnt years ago My great-uncle however was well liked by his patients as he took the trouble even over those with no money. His grandson is only 10 and has read about all the books for kids his age and spends a LOT of time reading, even more than me, the official bookworm in the family.

My late great-grandfather had an eye for detail and made shrewd investments. He had no small talk and annoyed my great-gradmother who had no one to accompany her when socialising. He was uneducated but made his sons translate the National Geographic programmes for him.

My paternal grandfather was a chemical engneer for Standard Oil, which later became Exxon...He wore almost the same clothes every day...and the same hat...he had an odd speaking voice..and even though he was born in the US, he once mentioned that he didin't learn to speak English till he was 13.
He lived in a house that was the patented design of his father, and was made etirely of steel reinforced concrete...(there is only one of his patented houses left..the one he lived in)..where my paternal uncle lives now...it is very interesting and pleasant, and it is kind of very cave-like and no linoleum tiles will stick anywhere...because of the moisture in the concrete...
He had a younger brother who was very eccentric...and had to be "removed" from the other house....where he lived in total seclusion...walled in by the junk he would collect. He also managed to make a bunch of money (i was told millions)by being somewhat obsessed with bidding on the stock market, but he looked almost like he was homeless...shabbily dressed and ungroomed with an old car that was packed full of garbage.
My grandfather was the only one in the family to take seriously the idea that I was not developing "normally"...He was very rigid and ritualistic...He would buy the same certain products over and over and over again....umbrellas cans of Off...After he died, I think my dad's brother removed something like 30 umbrellas from his car...he always had the same station wagon with feathers on the antenna so he could find it....He had this tiny office that was wall to wall with files.....and then the little drafting table where he would work...

My mom always said that her dad was very quite and "mathematical" and never seemed to connect with anyone in the family. She said she thought he was this way due to PTSD from having been in WWII

I think that my maternal grandfather and possibly also my father were on the spectrum. My paternal grandfather and cousins on that side of the family also carry a good many traits.

Ironically, of my two parents, my mom is the more "autistic" seeming...

My maternal grandfather was most likely autistic. He inherited it from HIS father, who is unknown. His mom was somewhat of a "slut", and slept around, she had six boys by six different men. We don't know who my grandpa's dad was, but apparently he was rich, and he may have been Jewish too (there's the autism-Jew connection again). My mom is very NT, and I am autistic, like it skipped a generation. My dad has paranoid schizophrenia.