What would you do?

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I am sort of at a crossroads right now and I have no clue what to do. The decision might soon be taken out of my hands, in which case I will just do what I can. I failed at student teaching, and it was my "professional behavior" and a really bad cooperating teacher (what a shocker that an aspie might need some help there) that did it. Here is part of what is influencing my decision.

Facts:

-I still have no clue what to do in social sitatutions where NTs are involved. I tried to imitate last time... but that lead to disaster.

-I can't yell at students, I think (well just realized really) that part of it is I worked for so long to control my emotions so I didn't have a melt-down. I am now afraid to release them (well the negative ones anyway) at all which is required to yell at students. This might not be such a bad thing, if I didn't keep getting placements where that was all the kids ever seemed to respond to.

-I have now failed student teaching twice in two different programs, one more time I am out of the program for good and there is no way another program will accept me.

-It will cost me 25,000 to attempt to finish this program out, which I will have to take out in student loans. Part of this will be money for me to live on because there is no way I can student teach and work a real job at the same time.

-I seem to not always know what to do in some of these situations. To make a comparison: if someone tells me to clean my room I will be lost, if someone tells me to do this, this, and this my room will be spotless in like 10 minutes. Not a good thing for a teacher, especially who past the student teaching phase where I will always have to know what to do as there won't be anyone else there with me (unless I get a co-teaching job, but even then they won't want to "babysit" me)

Options:

-I go through with the program and try to succeed. I will probably be stuck with the teachers they put me with, which could be good, or could be as bad as this last one was. If I fail again, I am out another 25,000 in addition to the 25,000 I borrowed for this term. Not a good sitation. If I succeed I am now certified... and hopefully qualifed to teach on my own (see above).

-I leave the program and start to look for a job. I will then have my B.A. in political science and my MEd in Special Education. I might be able to find a pretty decent job with that and I already know a few I wouldn't mind applying for (like one where I would be a house parent at a boarding school for aspies... sounds like a pretty neat job and it will scare most people away as its long hours and not the best pay in the world plus my masters in sped will help). Sadly, I wouldn't be able to teach though I might be able to come back to that at some point in time in the future (like if I were to mature a little bit).

-I take a middle road and hit the time out button. I see if the jobs I want are even possible to get. I look for potential cooperating teachers who I think I will work better with and can request them (sadly I only know one so far). I can also get a temporary job for now like in retail or whatever and maybe not have to borrow as much money. The problem with this plan is if i do decide to go back I will then finish 9 weeks later. Doesn't seem like a lot but it can make a huge difference in applying for a job in the fall.



Any advice will be cool and I appolgise for the rather long post

I hope someone else responds soon.

I was a teacher ... but before I realized I was probably aspie. It was hell. I managed well enough with young elementary kids because they don't have that keen social wilding in them that anyone above adolescence has. With older kids, and mostly the middle school and young high school age kids, I felt really alien.

And most popular NT teachers are really socialites who build up a lot of cred and social capital and eventually symbolic capital (Bourdieu) with the school and if you never manage to get in on their scene, your'e left out.

I would switch focus or graduate with another bachelors and then pursue a more or less in demand Masters level job in Computers or Library work where social challenges are diminished and you are valued more for your skills.

I had the same feeling quite frequently when I taught (math at the college level for 4 years). I never felt like I was properly trained for the position, always had questions, and received very little useful input from colleagues. I'm now transitioning into the engineering field in hopes of greener pastures.

If you have the masters, you could take up teaching college courses via an on-line program. The communication is largely done in writing, there is almost no social stress, the pay is often times better, and there is notably less student drama deal with. It might be less-fulfilling due to the impersonal nature of distance ed, but you still can make a difference.

Aside, what currency is the 25000 cost you refer to?