Why do people ignore me when other NTs are around?

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I've noticed something that kind of perplexes me.

When there are other people around, people tend to ignore me and talk amongst themselves. It can even be me and two other people in the room and the other two will talk to each other but not me.

But if there is just me and another person in the room, all the sudden, the same people who ignored me before want to socialize with me. I'm in graduate school so it's not like I'm dealing with a bunch of teenagers who worship social conformity.

Why do they do this? Do I have some kind of involuntary invisibility ability? Can they only see me when others aren't around? Do they see the others as "default" people and only talk to me when they have no other choice?

I've been asking myself the same questions, lately.

Well, I don't know you, but do you tend to do all the talking? I ask this because I talk too much and always have, but I discovered that when I make an effort to listen more than I speak, people are much more willing to talk to me. It's hard, but it works because people basically want someone to listen to them. It's not that they are self-centered (although some people, NT or not, are that way) but that they have things to say, too. If I do all the talking, they feel that I don't value their input or that I in some way mean to invalidate what is important to them. Communication is a two-way street, and people would rather talk to others who a) listen and b) are willing to talk about what they want to talk about, as well as their own interests. (And lord knows, given the opportunity to go on about the Tudors, I will...but I've learned to reign my obsessive interests in!)

No, I don't dominate the conversation at all.

That's good! Then I'd wonder, do you talk at all? Do you respond to what they say with positive reinforcement or thoughtful commentary? Do you make sure to share your own opinions on whatever the topic is? Not talking enough can be just as off-putting as talking too much; it sends the same negative messages. My husband often does not respond when I am talking to him, which I find very hurtful and highly aggravating!

I've noticed that too. I kind of just put it down to the fact that I'm normally very quiet in a group. Most other people seem to feel the need to talk, or be seen to be talking and so if it's just the two of us, they'll talk to me. If another person comes along, they'll leave me alone and talk to them because they feel bad about 'forcing' me to talk.

That's the charitable view. My other reasoning is that the new person is probably a much more interesting and satisfactory conversationalist than I am, even when I try my best. It's probably as exhausting for the person trying to talk to me as it is for me to respond, so when a 'better' person comes along, we both breathe a sigh of relief.

The polite (and friendly) thing to do would be to continue to try and include you in the conversation as well as the other person. The ones that blank you when the other person comes along are probably not worth fretting over.

Ha! Yeah. When given no choice people will try to talk to me, but then when other non AS people join us, they quickly switch to talking to them instead. I don't find it offensive anymore; it's just birds of a feather flocking together.

Sometimes people ignore me when I say sth. I don't get the answer, so I repeat. If still nothing happens, I repeat LOUDER! It works but doesn't look good.
And when I repeat louder, they say Why are you yelling at me? I don't understand them.
And they ignore me when I tell them to do sth. F.e. we have classes, sb can't manage with sth, so I say Do it this way! And they ignore me. When teacher comes and say Oh, you should do it this way!, they do it. So I ask Do I speak Chinese? and they take offence

If they won't listen to me I just talk
to the kids they will talk and play with me
I get on better with them amyway.

I've gotten this too. On my NY vacation me/sister/sister's friend I felt I was the lone man out and my sister/her friend were chat chat chat and I was clueless. If given the chance I would of done that trip differently.

Sorry this is OT, but what is "sth", Valoyossa? Sorry- I just really don't know.

Also, maybe you intimidate them and the passive aggressive response is to ignore you.

Something. It appears in all dictionaries. It seems like ONLY in the dictionaries

Its usually people who are awkward with themselves and care what others think too much. I have a friend like this, he is normal when it just us, but completely ignores me if other guys from work are around.

These people are weak minded and its a good idea to weed them out of your life unless there is a good reason to keep them in it. Its almost like they are ashamed and its very insulting.

I see now! Ir makes sense, of course.

Even at times when I started a conversation, or introduced a topic, the two NAs will commandeer it and shut me out.

So, most of the time I let them ignore me. If the other two people start talking to each other, I will just withdraw and listen (or walk away). If at some point I have a remark that seems relevant to their topic, I may make a comment, but as often as not, I just stay out of the way. It's just an NA thing, they default to whoever is most open to actively engaging in socializing. What I can't figure out is, how they sense it. I feel like I have a sign floating over my head that says "Don't talk to me" Must be connected to that Aspie thing about not having much in the way of facial expression ('looking mad') or eye contact. I have noticed that sometimes eye contact will cause a NA to come over and start talking to you when you didn't want them to.

Then when there are only two people in the room, they talk to whomever happens to be there, because silence seems somehow frightening to them, as though in a one-to-one situation, engaging the other party in social interaction is the only thing that will keep them from attacking you. I don't follow the logic, but it's a NA thing, so I guess I didn't get the brain function that interprets that stuff.

I feel your pain too Rachelle, especially when all my friends are in a full group, I tend to not really say much and then I sometimes feel that they don't see me there when I've been in the conversation for a long time, I even have to sometimes occupy myself at times, I find that PRETTY annoying occasionally but at least they give me the chance to speak which I think is nice.

Are you one of those quiet types?