Would You Pay Someone to Fix Your Messed Up Life?

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If you somehow ended up being a LOLCow, being trolled left and right, and featured on Encyclopedia Dramatica would you be willing to pay someone to fix up your messed up life (give you a complete makeover)?

There is software called "Dramatica" that helps with writing screenplays. I thought perhaps somebody had done cross-references in encyclopedic form and added them to this software and sold it as an updated package. I couldn't imagine why anybody would need their life fixed after being cross- referenced in a screenplay writing program. So I googled.

UGGHHHH. YUCK!! ! Wish I hadn't seen that site. Now I can't un-see it.

Nah, because I don't think it would last for very long. I'd rather make the changes myself, even if it took a long time.

I wouldn't do so.

I would pay quite a bit if someone could erase some of the memories that come up to haunt me in flashback format. I'm not talking about memories I learned from, but those all-consuming flashbacks. It's quite awful to have something trigger on an event and come up so vividly that I react in the present-time only to have everyone LOOK at me and wonder why I'm suddenly pulling at my hair or similar just because I saw a girl with a red balloon.* It also sucks to drive through a particular road section where I felt alarmed for some reason only to have the "alarmed" response occur even though the traffic situation might be totally fine. I'll subvocalize a worried whine or a "nyaaaa" and my passenger will be all "What, what?" and there isn't anything wrong. I HATE that. Where do I send the friggin' cheque?

*Not one of my actual triggers, but you get the idea.

Did you pick a fight with 4chan?

It depends on how good that person is at doing so.

I have a friend who is doing that for me, acting as my advocate and coach in many areas. She refuses to benefit from it in any way, other than relaxing with my cats(which she then pays for by being covered in fur on all her stuff), but yes, I would pay someone who did what she's currently doing for free.

"If you want something done right, do it yourself."

Yeah, I've had people try to do that to me. But since they were being jerks and going to the site stopped being fun, I left. (Without, mind you, posting that I was going to leave, since that would've been yet another cause to make fun of me!) It was interesting while it lasted; I felt like I was analyzing an unusual, primitive culture where the only possible response to anything at all was to make fun of it by declaring yourself superior, and then to make fun of it more if there was any protest (because obviously, protesting mistreatment is funny too). It was like a group of narcissists in some kind of weird social orgy... I kept waiting for them to turn on each other, like a group of hungry sharks just looking for one to show weakness or injury. I've never seen anything quite like it. I don't invest much emotion into online relationships, so all in all, it was more of an interesting sociological experience than anything else.

they would have to go with me in the WABAC machine to my birth, then keep me company until i grew to adulthood. but even if they rescued my early years, they'd still have to keep me from relapsing into dysfunction. IMO an impossible task, for any amount of moolah.

Well, if the bullies aren't actually attacking you in real life, and don't know where you live, you simply change online identities and leave the old one behind. I'm taking it that most of us know not to tell online friends where we live, yes?...