What are non verbal cues?

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I assume just body launguage right? Example I didn't get the hint that I shouldn't of questioned my teacher (she was probably giving me non verbal cues "body language" that I didn't pick up on right? I wasn't sure if it had another meaning besides body language and could anyone give me some examples since I obviously don't see them LOL!

Questioning the teacher can be tricky... it is more than body language, there are all sorts of societal conventions as well. Which I'm still learning. Such as... was your phrasing and tone of the question appropriate or did it come across as more of a challenge or ridicule? Did you catch the teacher out in a mistake or error? Was it the proper time during the class to ask a question? Did you interrupt something?

Asking a good question is actually a tricky business... it's nowhere near as straightforward as one might think. I've learned a lot by observing the question-askers the teacher seems to favor... if my question doesn't seem similar in style to theirs, then I might ask after class, one-on-one, in case I might be breaking some sort of social rule in the asking.

Discussions are another tricky thing.

I found out after my College suspension the Psychology teacher didn't know how to answer my questions so she was avoiding me so she didn't have to answer my questions.

Understanding AS and issues with Social Skills makes me think perhaps she gave me non verbal cues I didn't see and should have seen but overall it's sad that not even a professional could answer my Psychology questions but Psychology was and still is a special interest and it is kind of funny not even the teacher could answer them so it goes both ways.

The few times I go to group meetings with my husband, I have him explain everything to me afterwards. Yeah, body language, tone, situation, social rules..... nonverbal cues all.

Ah, I've been in similar situations. What you do in those situations, when you notice that you've inadvertently put someone in authority on the spot, causing them to loose face, is to ask for their suggestion as to how you might find the answer... that restores them to expert status as they can then guide you (even if you already know how to find your answer, ask them anyway... it's important to help them save 'face'). Then compliment and thank them for their knowledge and help.

And try to avoid putting them on the spot in the future. And find something to compliment them on in future (I really enjoyed that lecture, That was a fascinating topic you brought up, etc) It often doesn't matter how small or vague the compliment is, it's just that you are appreciating their effort and time.

What I call fluff and buff.

That is, if they are someone who you need on your side.

Warning: This is one of my special interests, and I have a tendency to write long posts that usually kill the thread. I will try to keep it brief.

Nonverbal cues can be broken down into these categories:

*Kinesics - This is what is usually meant by body language. It has to do with gestures, facial expressions, and posture/body positioning.

*Paralinguistics - This has to do with the quality of the spoken language, i.e., rate of speech, tone, volume, and how they vary during the course of a conversation.

*Proxemics - How people use the physical space between them. It's often used to express intimacy, i.e., if you're within 2 square feet of someone, you better know them real well. However, this can vary by individual and cultural standards.

*Chronemics - How a person uses time in communicating with someone. Do they tell you about events in chronological order, or do they have a tendency to jump around at different points?

All these elements, plus the spoken word, are what people use to communicate. Some studies have shown that as much as 65% of interpersonal communication is done through nonverbal methods.

I better go before I kill this thread.

Why? That's the most interesting thing I've read today.

outlier wrote:

I'm very interested too and it is the topic at hand. I'm pretty good at observing this kind of thing but I didn't know all the technical terms. My problem is not knowing how to respond.

Yes! Come back and tell us more!

I'd like to hear more, especially about chronemics - never heard of that before.

What about sub-vocalization? That's an actor word-- it refer to grunts, hums and other nonverbal signals. To me, those seem distinct from paralinguistic properties of speech. I'd be interested in reading an educated perspective. . .

I think one of the reasons it's difficult to write about is the fact there are so many aspects to it and you need to look at them all it's hard to do that here in a way that people can readily digest, people here can easily focus on one aspect and miss many others of equal or greater imprtance.
Darryl would have to write a very very long post to encompass everything in a satisfactory way. That's a lot of pressure on the poor guy.

It really is essential to get a good book or three on the subject. Put those terms he's highlighted into amazon and you'll find loads, read the reviews and if some arrogant sounding person says 'everybody knows this stuff what's the point in this book?' it's usually really useful lol

There's no right or wrong response to any behaviour I'm afraid Aimless but I find people naturally respond to me before I have time to think about it (they don't need time to think about it) so it's best to monitor and correct yourself and what you're projecting in real time then think about their behaviour and how you're affecting it. It needs a lot of practice which is annoying as I don't get much chance myself. Watching others from the outside is useful too, it's the only use I can think of for reality TV, I learned a lot watching Big Brother this year (seriously lol).

The good books on the subject will explain where the behaviours come from and what they mean, I think it has a lot to do with evolutionary biology these behaviours are left overs from our four legged scaly ancestry but they've served us (humans) well over the years so are still an important part of our lives.

Most of the books seem to rely heavily on the work of Charles Darwin, Desmond Morris, Paul Ekman and Edward Hall but I prefer something more simple to start with myself.

Oh and to answer the question a non verbal cue is basically things you're telling people but that don't come out of your mouth (sticking out tongue not included). Can be anything from a movement of hand to face to the way you sit or walk or a tattoo or your perfume to your t-shirt, all these things tell others something about you.

Actually I tend to focus more on non-verbal (consciously), expecially during small talk. Growing up I've started noticing that expecially during small talk or similar activities the important message is inside the body and not inside the words. So I basically selective exclude noise (the speaker voice) and focus consciousnessly my attention to the body (after reading a lot of book about it) and try to find out what's up. It is actually far more efficient than the opposite (and more intuitive, for me, way).

Insightful, very well put. You lear a lot more from nonverbals than words. It's also important to look at the whole body too not just the upper part.

Examples list
Hands on knees: indicates readiness.
Hands on hips: indicates impatience.
Lock your hands behind your back: indicates self-control.
Locked hands behind head: states confidence.
Sitting with a leg over the arm of the chair: suggests indifference.
Legs and feet pointed in a particular direction: the direction where more interest is felt

I remember seeing a movie once where a man was being confronted by the police in his home about where something was hidden. They knew he would instinctively glance in that direction when they asked.

An interesting anecdote about body language.

I'm AS, my wife is NT? I don't know but she has a lot of Aspie trait (like 110 NT / 100 Aspie on Aspie quiz, while I have a 50 / 160 proportion). Both me, my wife and our parents have issue with "body language". Me and my wife know about it, we have studied it and we use it in a conscius way -deliberaty-. Our young daughter (22 month) is probably AS too, she has many many AS trait but it's too young for a real diagnosis nevertheless. Knowing about our difficult we use to check our bodylanguage when speaking to her. Strangly (but not too much) our daughter doesn't talk (we both talked very early), well not at all, she say like 10 words. But she use a very very big number of sounds (artificial and natural, and we never used them) and expecially an extensive body language approach and body sign (like deaf). Basically she know how to read body language and how to replicate it but she use it in a conscius way. For istance if she want to say "yes, you have understand me" she open her mouth and eyes, if she want to intimidate you she barelly close her eyes and grin. Actually she's pretty cool because it's evident that she use it consciousnessly and in a "theatrical" way. Basically she doesn't distinguish untold-body-language and spoken-language, for her they are the same (and actually it works well for comunication, but it's a bit weird )