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MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 2:29 pm

ok so i was doing some deep thinking today. and i noticed that my whole life, i have found it easier to befriend girls than guys.
i am an 18 yr old male with aspergers. I have 2 close guy friends, and i see everyone else i hang out with as acquaintances.
but anyways, i also find it easy to get a girlfriend if I want one. and things like fashion are easy for me as well.

SO LET ME GET TO THE POINT.

I was raised with my mom and two sisters,do any of you think that my Ease of talking/befriending girls has something to do with learning my social skills from women at an early age? Do any of you think if i had grown up with my dad, i would have better social skills with guys???

to sum it all up even my employer noticed. I used to work at a zumiez, and they always had me working the girls clothes, because i was good at flirting and getting girls to buy stuff. but they never put me on the guys side, because i was terrible at selling stuff to guys.



MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 2:52 pm

Come on 41 views and nobody has anything to say? how about somebody post an opinion or something.



eb31
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22 Apr 2010, 2:57 pm

I'm better at socializing with girls also, but I am a girl =) I have only had one male friend in my life that wasn't a boyfriend. I don't relate to men in a platonic way.



MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 3:01 pm

I'm kinda like that now. like since i graduated highschool I currently don't really talk to the girls i was friends with even outside of school. you said you had one male friend who you didn't date? just to compare situations, who did you grow up with?



j0sh
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22 Apr 2010, 3:03 pm

I didn't reply cause i didn't wanna weird you out. If that's you in your avatar, you're attractive. Maybe girls are more accepting/friendly because of that.



MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 3:09 pm

josh, lil creepy, but no big, in my old job i had both sexes hitting on me a lot.
there have been times my looks cause problems for me though, because people can't conceive the idea of someone with autism being attractive and intelligible. so the end result is that people think I'm just an a**hole for not fitting into social norms. anyone else have that happen to them?



eb31
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22 Apr 2010, 3:58 pm

There is a large gap between myself and my one sibling and I grew up with a single mom. My father was in the picture and he was a horrible guy. My mom self-isolated and we kids grew up with little outside influence.

And I have to agree with the misconceptions if you have favorable traits. As a teen/young adult I was pretty and a good student. In my recollection any off color behavior was considered bitchy or stuck up rather than any real issue.



MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 4:19 pm

yeh i get the stuck up thing a lot . when really it's just shyness, or i have nothing to say in group conversations.



fiddlerpianist
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22 Apr 2010, 4:32 pm

MuayThaiKid wrote:
I was raised with my mom and two sisters,do any of you think that my Ease of talking/befriending girls has something to do with learning my social skills from women at an early age? Do any of you think if i had grown up with my dad, i would have better social skills with guys???

Possibly, but it may have more to do with the premise that many with AS simply find it easier to relate to members of the opposite sex. Supposedly it's because there are fewer expectations and more allowances given to you in that situation. I'm sure you learned some valuable relationship skills from your mom and sisters, but many who are not raised that way still have better comfort with the opposite sex.

In high school (and college for that matter), my closest friends were women. It has been my general experience that women are more drawn to a guy who presents as different... not necessarily in pursuit of a romantic relationship, but possibly more out of simple fascination and curiosity. I simply never hung out with packs of guy friends because I stuck out way more and had less in common with them. Towards the end of college, though, I had figured out how to do this reasonably well when necessary... though the packs were still generally mixed gender.


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Ardent_Eccentric
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22 Apr 2010, 4:46 pm

I can be good looking at times and trust me, looks don’t matter so much….
I also dress well and I’m educated and I still cant get a girl friend worth a sh*t….

I’m to unsociable and socially awkward….
I believe sociability matters more than anything else.
I’m sure growing up with girls is what makes it so easy to befriend women for you.


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Rose_in_Winter
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22 Apr 2010, 4:48 pm

I grew up in your basic nuclear family -- mom and dad, one girl, one boy, and a dog. My family spent a lot of time together; we ate dinner together every week night and mostly weekend nights, too. We spent a lot of family time together.

These days, while I'm still close to my family, most of the people I hang out with are men. I just feel more at ease around guys. My interests tend to conicide better with guys' interests. I've had a lot of guy friends since college, although I have tended to be closer to my female friends. However, my best friend and the person I'm closest to is a man -- my husband. And even before that, I found that my friendships were almost exclusively with men! I've met some women out here with whom I am friendly, but I find I'm much more likely to develop a comfortable, open relationship with a guy. I doubt this had anything to do with my family; I'm at ease with both parents and my younger brother, and while there was some sibling rivalry, it was never serious or long-term.

Frankly, I think men are less judgemental in general. *shrug* That makes it easier to relax and be myself around them. While there have been guy friends with whom there was a sexual component -- heck, my old bandmate and I used the intense sexual tension between us to amp up our performances -- most of my male friendships have not been like that. I've been seen as "one of the guys." Before we began dating, my husband called me his "girl friend who likes cool guy stuff." Now that I'm married, I'm sure my male friends don't care about my sexuality or appearance, just if I'm cool with them.



MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 4:52 pm

sounds kind of stupid. but don't bash it right away. you guys ever seen the show, The Pickup Artist? if not google it or something.
yeah its your avg crappy reality show, but all of the guys on the show were extremely socially awkward, and towards the end, were picking up strippers, which are supposedly the hardest women to get because the are always getting hit on.

anyways, some of the advice on that show helps a ton. i learned to be more social from it.
id recommend checking it out



Topcat16
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22 Apr 2010, 5:00 pm

MuayThaiKid wrote:
ok so i was doing some deep thinking today. and i noticed that my whole life, i have found it easier to befriend girls than guys.
i am an 18 yr old male with aspergers. I have 2 close guy friends, and i see everyone else i hang out with as acquaintances.
but anyways, i also find it easy to get a girlfriend if I want one. and things like fashion are easy for me as well.

SO LET ME GET TO THE POINT.

I was raised with my mom and two sisters,do any of you think that my Ease of talking/befriending girls has something to do with learning my social skills from women at an early age? Do any of you think if i had grown up with my dad, i would have better social skills with guys???

to sum it all up even my employer noticed. I used to work at a zumiez, and they always had me working the girls clothes, because i was good at flirting and getting girls to buy stuff. but they never put me on the guys side, because i was terrible at selling stuff to guys.


i went to a boys school and had only one female in my life that of my mother, until 6th form, took me about 2 yrs but i started to see girls just as normal as lads, also i game, and hardcore gaming is a mainly male pursuit. i don;t share many female interests, although i do find celebrity culture interesting which is in itself a revealing level of understanding that i clearly lack around females



MuayThaiKid
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22 Apr 2010, 5:10 pm

I think its interesting how people on these forums bring up common interest. i never realized til more recently that my interests were strange. i think for me its like this. My interest in style fashion, gives me something to talk about with girls, my Gaming, something to talk about with guys. but i also am interested,Muay Thai, photography, freedom of expression, tattoos ,piercings , sub genre's of rock, and hip hop, and a lil bit of rap. I think those are things that are neutral gendered. and those are things i can talk about with guys.

keep posting. i like reading what others have to say.



bee33
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22 Apr 2010, 5:31 pm

I think romantic relationships, and this may apply to some extent to dealing with the opposite sex in general, are easier than friendships because there is less subtlety involved. It's normal to be a bit awkward when flirting or trying to attract someone of the opposite sex, but it's not normal to be awkward and tongue tied when you're supposedly having a friendly, casual chat.



Topcat16
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22 Apr 2010, 5:35 pm

Ardent_Eccentric wrote:
I can be good looking at times and trust me, looks don’t matter so much….
I also dress well and I’m educated and I still cant get a girl friend worth a sh*t….

I’m to unsociable and socially awkward….
I believe sociability matters more than anything else.
I’m sure growing up with girls is what makes it so easy to befriend women for you.

i agree looks matter for s**t, maybe a girl will approach u once u;re handsome, but thats once. If u can;t hol her attention, unlucky