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This frustrates me to no end

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timeisdead
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22 Apr 2010, 7:34 pm

In life I either have to have things clear cut or learn the hard way. Anyone else the same way? I don't pick up on things through osmosis unless something takes my interest. My learning is either deliberate or through hard experiences.



pensieve
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22 Apr 2010, 7:39 pm

Pretty much. I need things really well explained to me, which often doesn't happen so I screw up and have to learn from my mistakes. It was a lot worse when I was younger. I wouldn't try new things because I really didn't want to unless I was sure I'd be good at it.
I find at work when they quickly go through what needs to be done and I don't get it or forget it or interpret it a different way then they come back and yell at you for not doing the job right.


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Cryforthemoon
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22 Apr 2010, 7:44 pm

Same here it the person is not going to tell me what is need to be done at lest step by step then don't tell me how to do it. I also really dislike when they think I should already know something. If I already knew it why would I be asking? I also dislike when I'm given one thing to do and then told after that I have something else they want me to do. Unless you are going to tell me what that is then don't tell me there is something else after words. Let me finish what you want me to do then I will come and find you and ask if there is anything else.

Part of that is that I need to know what kind of plan of attack there is. Sometimes it is hard for me to come up with my own plan and I start to get messed up and if I'm not watching it I could either push myself right to the point of breaking down or just get really confused and still break down.

Planning goes a long way.



timeisdead
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22 Apr 2010, 7:56 pm

Cryforthemoon wrote:
Same here it the person is not going to tell me what is need to be done at lest step by step then don't tell me how to do it. I also really dislike when they think I should already know something. If I already knew it why would I be asking? I also dislike when I'm given one thing to do and then told after that I have something else they want me to do. Unless you are going to tell me what that is then don't tell me there is something else after words. Let me finish what you want me to do then I will come and find you and ask if there is anything else.

Part of that is that I need to know what kind of plan of attack there is. Sometimes it is hard for me to come up with my own plan and I start to get messed up and if I'm not watching it I could either push myself right to the point of breaking down or just get really confused and still break down.

Planning goes a long way.


I think this has to do with theory of mind in a lot of ways. We don't have the basic assumptions that others do nor do we understand what exactly they want. NTs are too vague to understand. They don't go into detail on what they want and don't emphasize what they find most important. Many believe that everyone should know what they find most important without having to be told. I struggle with the concept of "what are they asking me to say or do" but once I know what is wanted I can find the answer in a snap.



timeisdead
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22 Apr 2010, 7:58 pm

pensieve wrote:
Pretty much. I need things really well explained to me, which often doesn't happen so I screw up and have to learn from my mistakes. It was a lot worse when I was younger. I wouldn't try new things because I really didn't want to unless I was sure I'd be good at it.
I find at work when they quickly go through what needs to be done and I don't get it or forget it or interpret it a different way then they come back and yell at you for not doing the job right.


What bothers me most about these vague people is that if you ask them too many questions, they tend to get annoyed. Sometimes there is no way to find what they want without pushing a few buttons.



Cryforthemoon
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22 Apr 2010, 7:58 pm

timeisdead wrote:
Cryforthemoon wrote:
Same here it the person is not going to tell me what is need to be done at lest step by step then don't tell me how to do it. I also really dislike when they think I should already know something. If I already knew it why would I be asking? I also dislike when I'm given one thing to do and then told after that I have something else they want me to do. Unless you are going to tell me what that is then don't tell me there is something else after words. Let me finish what you want me to do then I will come and find you and ask if there is anything else.

Part of that is that I need to know what kind of plan of attack there is. Sometimes it is hard for me to come up with my own plan and I start to get messed up and if I'm not watching it I could either push myself right to the point of breaking down or just get really confused and still break down.

Planning goes a long way.


I think this has to do with theory of mind in a lot of ways. We don't have the basic assumptions that others do nor do we understand what exactly they want. NTs are too vague to understand. They don't go into detail on what they want and don't emphasize what they find most important. Many believe that everyone should know what they find most important without having to be told. I struggle with the concept of "what are they asking me to say or do" but once I know what is wanted I can find the answer in a snap.


I never though of it that way. But it makes a lot of sense with what you just said.

timeisdead wrote:
What bothers me most about these vague people is that if you ask them too many questions, they tend to get annoyed. Sometimes there is no way to find what they want without pushing a few buttons.


I got that with my old boss.

Me: "I'm asking you becasue I want to do this right."
Him: "Well what do you think the right answer is?"
Me: "If I knew that I would not be asking you." (Though I never really said that. I'm not one to do that stuff.)



timeisdead
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22 Apr 2010, 8:07 pm

Quote:
Me: "I'm asking you becasue I want to do this right."
Him: "Well what do you think the right answer is?"
Me: "If I knew that I would not be asking you." (Though I never really said that. I'm not one to do that stuff.)


Maybe you should tell him that not everyone shares the same general assumptions and that's why you ask questions in the first place. His words aren't helping you and it's something he has to know.



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22 Apr 2010, 8:14 pm

timeisdead wrote:
Quote:
Me: "I'm asking you becasue I want to do this right."
Him: "Well what do you think the right answer is?"
Me: "If I knew that I would not be asking you." (Though I never really said that. I'm not one to do that stuff.)


Maybe you should tell him that not everyone shares the same general assumptions and that's why you ask questions in the first place. His words aren't helping you and it's something he has to know.


Well like I said it was my old boss. He is longer my boss there bosses above him made him just a normal worker. My new boss or two bosses are not like that with me and it's a lot better for me to ask questions.

And knowing that my new boss has ADD and that he may even know that I have something really helps.



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22 Apr 2010, 8:50 pm

Yeah, I seem to learn best trialling and error-ing my way through everything. I can't seem to learn through anything other than direct experience. The worst thing is when someone reels off a long list of things I'm expected to remember at light speed. Oh dear me.


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Cryforthemoon
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22 Apr 2010, 9:14 pm

Moog wrote:
Yeah, I seem to learn best trialling and error-ing my way through everything. I can't seem to learn through anything other than direct experience. The worst thing is when someone reels off a long list of things I'm expected to remember at light speed. Oh dear me.


That's even wrose. :(



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22 Apr 2010, 9:18 pm

Cryforthemoon wrote:
Same here it the person is not going to tell me what is need to be done at lest step by step then don't tell me how to do it. I also really dislike when they think I should already know something. If I already knew it why would I be asking? I also dislike when I'm given one thing to do and then told after that I have something else they want me to do. Unless you are going to tell me what that is then don't tell me there is something else after words. Let me finish what you want me to do then I will come and find you and ask if there is anything else.

Part of that is that I need to know what kind of plan of attack there is. Sometimes it is hard for me to come up with my own plan and I start to get messed up and if I'm not watching it I could either push myself right to the point of breaking down or just get really confused and still break down.

Planning goes a long way.



Reminds me of my first job at Mcdonalds LOL! I was told to change the ketchup and so I did but it was rush hour (AKA lunch time) BUT we needed ketchup! I took the dispensor in the back and the owner yelled at me WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?? I told him getting the ketchup he said I shouldn't be doing that at lunch time I had a meltdown and ran to the bathroom. :-(



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22 Apr 2010, 9:21 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Cryforthemoon wrote:
Same here it the person is not going to tell me what is need to be done at lest step by step then don't tell me how to do it. I also really dislike when they think I should already know something. If I already knew it why would I be asking? I also dislike when I'm given one thing to do and then told after that I have something else they want me to do. Unless you are going to tell me what that is then don't tell me there is something else after words. Let me finish what you want me to do then I will come and find you and ask if there is anything else.

Part of that is that I need to know what kind of plan of attack there is. Sometimes it is hard for me to come up with my own plan and I start to get messed up and if I'm not watching it I could either push myself right to the point of breaking down or just get really confused and still break down.

Planning goes a long way.



Reminds me of my first job at Mcdonalds LOL! I was told to change the ketchup and so I did but it was rush hour (AKA lunch time) BUT we needed ketchup! I took the dispensor in the back and the owner yelled at me WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?? I told him getting the ketchup he said I shouldn't be doing that at lunch time I had a meltdown and ran to the bathroom. :-(


NT's just don't get it.



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22 Apr 2010, 9:24 pm

timeisdead wrote:
Quote:
Me: "I'm asking you becasue I want to do this right."
Him: "Well what do you think the right answer is?"
Me: "If I knew that I would not be asking you." (Though I never really said that. I'm not one to do that stuff.)


Maybe you should tell him that not everyone shares the same general assumptions and that's why you ask questions in the first place. His words aren't helping you and it's something he has to know.
Unfortunately (and I say unfortunately because I agree that someone should be able to say that), that might come off as copping an attitude. It frustrates me that saying "I don't understand" never results in someone explaining what they meant. It's interpreted as "attitude".

It sucks, but what we need to do in situations like that is be apologetic, saying things like: "I'm sorry but my brain isn't working today. Could you go over that again?" Otherwise people just get annoyed and they don't explain what they actually want you to do.



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22 Apr 2010, 9:27 pm

timeisdead wrote:
pensieve wrote:
Pretty much. I need things really well explained to me, which often doesn't happen so I screw up and have to learn from my mistakes. It was a lot worse when I was younger. I wouldn't try new things because I really didn't want to unless I was sure I'd be good at it.
I find at work when they quickly go through what needs to be done and I don't get it or forget it or interpret it a different way then they come back and yell at you for not doing the job right.


What bothers me most about these vague people is that if you ask them too many questions, they tend to get annoyed. Sometimes there is no way to find what they want without pushing a few buttons.

They just expect you to know which is irritating. Then you tell them you have AS and they tell you to stop making excuses.


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Cryforthemoon
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22 Apr 2010, 9:34 pm

bee33 wrote:
Unfortunately (and I say unfortunately because I agree that someone should be able to say that), that might come off as copping an attitude. It frustrates me that saying "I don't understand" never results in someone explaining what they meant. It's interpreted as "attitude".

It sucks, but what we need to do in situations like that is be apologetic, saying things like: "I'm sorry but my brain isn't working today. Could you go over that again?" Otherwise people just get annoyed and they don't explain what they actually want you to do.


I get that from my dad sometimes. But that's total different in the way we handle things any ways.



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22 Apr 2010, 9:36 pm

I need to be told how to do something, in a step by step fashion, or else I just don't get how to do it.


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