Always an extra

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I attend an AS support group. Tonight I shared an analogy I've been thinking about for a while. It's kinda sappy, but it's the best way I can describe my experience in relation to others. Several people said they really identified with it. One member added "yeah, it's like I've always been on the outside looking in" with is exactly what I was trying to illustrate.

The analogy:
Let's say that everyone's life is a movie. I don't think I've even been a main character in anyone else's movie. I've always been an extra.

What do you think of the analogy? Do you identify with it?

Absolutely, I've always been a supporting character at best, but usually a face in the crowd.

I often identify with the character who is neither a main character nor an extra. But is the character the cool characters pick on but it's justified Just Because (insert some irrelevant trait here like my unibrow).

Up to a point - in the blockbusters I am barely in the crowd scenes. But in a lot of TV sitcom I am a quirkt neighbour, in some drama serials I have a big scene or two, usually as confidant, and in a few low budget art films I star with one or two other vitual unknowns....

Hmm... Is the size of the film in your illustration related to the depth of the relationship type? Blockbuster being romantic maybe?

That's why you never take part in social NT life sober. Make sure you're blitzed enough to not remember any of it afterwards.

I'm like a guest star on a TV show that turns up, says a few lines then goes away but may come back for a future episode.

I usually find that I'm a face in the crowd, these days. It's been this way, since October. I wouldn't have it, any other way.

Second.

Currently I'm the person who didn't even bother showing up on the day of the shoot.

In the past I can think of one time I was a leading role in someone else's life, but to everyone else we were both just the extras that showed up in the wrong outfits and thus didn't quite fit in with the rest of the scene.

For every other situation I can think of, I have been the random recurring character that pops up at inappropriate times just to say something quite strange and then goes away again.

I feel like Central Casting can't make its mind up what role to put me in, which generally leads to a lot of confusion because of the sheer number of films that are being filmed at the same time. Telling the people in the film where you're a major supporting actress (home) that I'm actually a bit part (albeit a important one) in another film ("class at college"), in a third film where I seem to be playing several roles at once, including the director on some occasions ("the blogosphere") and barely a crowd member on a fourth ("the employment queue") can take some doing.

And some people still don't get why I don't feel like turning up for the shoot of a fifth film ("romantic attachment").

I am the protagonist of my own life.

I am the anti-hero.

Totally. In fact I made exactly this analogy when my parents commented about characters they identified with in "Amadeus" My mother felt a great affinity to Mozart, my father to Emperor Joseph II. I, on the other hand, identified most with Baron Van Swieten, a fairly minor figure in the storyline. In mentioning this, I said that I feel like a minor character in my own life.

I'm outside of the world, looking in and observing. I just observe the details for my own uses, but go on about my own thing without getting caught up in things. I like it that way, I wouldn't WANT to get caught up in things.

It's a hard thing to really explain, because reading what I just typed, it would probably confuse people who don't think like me anyway.

I think I kind of get get what you're saying. I've always been an observer from the outside. Over the past 33 years, I've observed allot. I can't seem to use this information to assist myself in integrating, but I often use it to avoid things that will end up sucking. It's probably negative thinking, or a defense mechanism, but I'm usually correct in my prediction. I do take risks from time to time. But, I won't even bother if I know it will be a waste of my time/energy, or just cause me pain in the end.