Anyone else ever sometimes feel...

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like their sanity is slowly unraveling year by year?

It seems like every year, the world seems to grow more distant and yet closer.
Some things like the spelling of words, and concepts, that i've been familiar with all my life, at times suddenly seem to strike me as strange out of nowhere .

& i find myself feeling somewhat more detached at times in recent years; Hazy, lost...
Thoughts wandering in odd directions .

But at the same time it may just be my imagination.
Or it could be the pressure that naturally comes with this time in life. Out of high school, can't seem to find a job, dealing with college, that kind of crap, etc.

I'm just not sure. For all i know, maybe i'm developing some additional co-morbid disorder late in the game. With all the ones that tend to accompany Asperger's, i wouldn't be entirely surprised. But i just don't know. Or maybe my AS itself is just getting worse.

But yeah, once again, maybe it has nothing to do with any of that .

yes sir. I feel as i get older, its like I'm more and more disconnected with the world. I talk a lot less than I used to, I generally have nothing to say unless I'm trying to entertain people. I have noticed since i graduated highschool, I spend a lot of time Daydreaming/fantasizing. mainly just about, traveling parts of the world that interest me, like , India,Thailand,Japan,Dubai,France,Germany,Spain. pretty much, I want to see more traditional cultures.

I am also freaking out at the idea of college. I could never sit long enough to do homework in highschool, even my senior year.
and i start in the fall... Im really hoping i don't F*** this up

I'm crazier every year. I'm becoming crazier every day. I'm becoming crazier every second AAAAAAAAAAHHHH 'lr,c.kbsaocgpi,ld24rbikcau.xg.'rd/,picb-,kasp .3284b53x'sc.ybx.srp842l849.p8bs.'pbi

no but really...
Unresolved problems and stimuli in the present supply a good amount of mental dissonance for me. These two things compound themselves and each other over time...

As far as college goes, i haven't run into anything terribly hard yet, it's just the amount of homework and getting it done that stresses me.
& writing essays. I have excellent reading comprehension, but my ability to write in an organized, well-structured fashion? not so much. My thought patterns are a bit erratic and raw. Not so conducive with such levels of structured organization. The only kind of writing i seem to excel at are poems .
& drawing graphs of quadratic equations. Like seriously, precalc would be infinitely less aggravating without having to graph out all those and just working with just the numbers .
On top of that, it just bothers me to no end that i don't even have even the faintest idea of what i want to get a degree in. I don't have any particular career interests that i know of, and i really wish i did. I hate the feeling of standing at a crossroads indefinitely and not knowing which way to turn. as it stands, i'm just taking prerequisite classes like math and english and hoping i have some kind of revelation on what i want to do soon.

Also it doesn't help things that my girlfriend lives several states away. There's always the nagging small fear that perhaps she will begin to lose interest and begin to drift away before i can amass enough money to make a trip out to visit her .

& that's where having no job or steady income becomes even more stressful and worrying to me. Apart from the just not being able to live as independently as i'd like, it's driving me crazy that a job & a paycheck seems to be the one thing i need to solve or at least ease a majority or my problems, but i can't seem to get one .

& many other factors i could name, but will stop for now otherwise i'll be writing this response forever.

but yeah, all of it together just seems to overwhelm me, and i feel so losttt.

yes, mine has but it's because of location, I used to live in a town that was really cool and had alot of hippie/eastern influence where people used to be nice. then I moved and this town is faux religious and just soul-less. Plus interacting on the internet you meet alot of psychos. Not here, but in general the internet is over run with axis 2 people who can't function real well in life so they live alot of their lives online. I think there are a disproportionate number of them around online. I have gotten pretty jaded over the past 7 years or so.

What makes you think I had sanity to unravel in the first place?


Relish in it, insane people have far more fun, except when you get attacked by a pack of wild dogs you thought you saw.

I can really relate to this. I feel like my mind is detaching from everything people place value in at times. I find myself observing the world from a distance even in company. I feel I'm pretending, sometimes I pretend to enjoy things, agree with social modus operandi - much of what I encounter requires me to pretend to be human - at least this is how I experience it. Things which are considered entertainment I don't enjoy - and this makes me sad - because I try really hard to engage correctly as I see it.

The most frightening aspect for me is when I feel very bleak about things when my wife goes to work and leaves me alone and my mind can become my enemy.

I want to enjoy life and I want to participate - so I have my systems that keep me in balance - ordering my home, weight training, writing, website building, illustration, photography and filmmaking and these give me the most pleasure.

Through these I explain to myself how the world is and take comfort in it as an ongoing exploration - as if I'm explorer by circumstance who crashed on the wrong planet.

it's funny cause as Seneca once said "there is no genius without a touch of madness"

I also feel like this. It's like I'm becoming more eccentric, with each passing year. It's almost like the way that Ray Davies was like in the 60s and the 70s. He became more eccentric, with each passing year. I've started to notice it, when I was 22.

I feel like that sometimes yes, but I'm not too sure about being distant, it seems im more closer to my loved ones.

I feel the same. Maybe it's easier to forgive, if you are a child? And later, when you're an adult, there's no mercy for you!

In the High School and later, you have to ask people, be active, look for many things etc. If you want to know sth, ask somebody... but who? How?
Some teachers say: You have to write about xxxxx. Choose who writes about what and bring me a list!
I don't want to ask everyone and I don't want to argue with NTs. So I usually choose sth I know nobody's gonna do.

NT-world expects you to do the same things as most NTs. If you are different or don't know how to, they can reject you. Or you feel wrong and keep the distance, more and more.

The more you learn, the more you know you don't know, combined with lack of direction can lead to analysis paralysis. Just observing, don't have some concrete solutions and also have this problem very often. People tell me to just start doing something, sometimes helps.

Yeah, I can sometimes feel this way.

Well, I am fairly young, but I do feel this way.

After I got over the initial stage of confusion, things seemed to be going up hill through my early high school years up to my first semester of college. That is, everything seemed to be getting clearer for me, from basic concepts learned in school to human interactions. I was organized yet learning to relax, studying and keeping up with, if not surpassing, school work but still making time for socialization, and I was figuring out how to indulge my interests without them taking over. I may have been a bit of an over achiever, but I got things done and I managed to do a decent to fantastic job at everything I was doing.
Now things seem to be getting worse or at least different. Sometimes I feel I can think more clearly than ever before; however, I lose track of time and my mind is almost never in the moment or place my body is. I am always thinking about possibilities and conducting mental experiments. My bedroom and belongings used to be meticulously in order. Now they are always a mess. I lose things all the time. I find I do not get hungry much anymore and must make myself eat based on the time of day. I think I do not have time to be hungry most often. My grades used to all be high, but now they are uneven. I spend most of my time in class thinking about my hobby, watching the other people, or recalling funny events and trying not to laugh. Sometimes simple things such as how to spell seem to completely leave me. I do not go out of my way to talk to people, even those who I already know, and I barely realized my own birthday is in a week. I find myself less and less interested in talking to people for any reason other than to study them. This would all be fine, except I am trying to get a license to drive, want to pursue a career that will require me to talk to people, and if I am going to completely lose/giveup? the ability to maintain a place of living and forget to even get food for myself, I at least need the social skills to find someone to do it for me.

exactlyy.
I feel like i have to pretend to be human sometimes too.
Though more like a robot with emotions.

I get lonely kind of easily. & when i'm alone my mind wanders to dark places and turns into an enemy. Doesn't help that i think i may have an anxiety disorder or something (or so i speculate) because i tend to become overly anxious about stuff easily. & then sometimes like for example i'll be walking back from the college over the bridge and my mind will start to think about things. Like i'm in no way suicidal, but like every time i cross that thing my mind pictures what it would be like to jump. & there's almost an impulse to. & that really kind of disturbs me.

& like with my girlfriend (she has AS too btw) the anxiety is hell on my psyche because it's a long-distance relationship as of yet. & i fear the accompanying fear that she might lose interest before i can get enough enough money to make a trip out to visit might be influencing me and making me come off as clingy in how i communicate to her. & i really love her and don't want to drive her off with my AS craziness.