Has anyone disowned their parents or family?

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I always read about how their parents gave them such a hard time growing up. I remember as young as three wanting to run away and have nothing to do with my parents ever again. As long as I had my lizard I think I actually could today. I've esentialy disowned the youngest of my older brothers because he was so mean to me growing up about my special intrests, phobias and sensory issues. I wish one of his kids had AS or autism then he'd have an idea what it is like. Does anyone refuse to acknolege their parents, siblings or other relatives or have they even disowned them?

I've never disowned anyone in my family.

What Family

It is my aim to speak to my brother as little as is humanly possible, and should I meet an untimely death I intend to leave him not a single penny. I guess I get along with the rest of my family, but I don't know them very well.

I wish I could earn some money and never speak to my dad again. I hate him. He never cared about me. In the normal sense humans do. He makes my life miserable. If it wasn´t for him I wouldn´t be in so much trouble. All he causes me is trouble!

If they are funding you or giving you a roof over your head, then disowning them would be a pretty foolish move, not to mention ungrateful.

The only excuse is if they have physically/sexually abuse you in the past. Then get out of there.

Emotional abuse could also be another reason, but I am loathe to mention it here. From what I've see, a lot of aspies on WP have very low threshold of what constitutes 'emotional abuse'.

Not disowned, just went my own way, so I can not
butt our heads together.

My family is fragmented and damaged, however
I live with my brother now who I get on with
very good, always have.

The rest of my mfamily is far away in another
United State.

And for the record I do tend to get Very Ungrateful
when I am mis treated.

Your old enough to move out, I am sure you will miss your parents financial support

Last edited by Friskeygirl on 21 Apr 2010, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I stopped seeing my biological father when I was 15 and formally disowned him when I was 18. Haven't seen him since and I hope I never do. He treated me, my Mum and my Brother atrociously, and although he is most likely AS or HFA that does not excuse his actions, given the amount of help and opportunities he was given to behave like a human being towards his family. He had absolutely no real interest in anyone beyond himself unless he could get something from them, was utterly convinced of his own perfection and that others were out to get him because they were somehow jealous. When I was little he liked to show me off to his acquaintances because I was pretty and intelligent. My behavioural problems were blamed on my Mother, and he'd give me a thrashing when he decided I was annoying him. I remember frequently being extremely sore from beatings, although I didn't really respond to pain like a normal kid (for example I broke my nose when I was about 3 and never complained about it, you can still see the lump). My step Dad, who was a friend of the family at the time, remembers seeing him hit me about as hard as a grown man might hit another man in a fight for interrupting him while he was speaking when I was 4 years old. He was so shocked he wanted to call social services but a friend who was also present dissuaded him.

My brother was treated similarly for behaviour that was perceived as annoying but was more or less ignored otherwise. This put him under immense stress, to the point of stunting his physical growth (he later caught up when my parents separated). My biological father had no time for males, as he had trouble dealing with them socially and had no way to manipulate them, but he liked the company of women (he grew up with three sisters). He had found that if he presented himself as wealthy and successful (he had a good job, my Mum managed the money and she was good at it), became friendly with them and then made himself appear a bit vulnerable (poor man saddled with a dreadful wife who was ruining his otherwise perfect children etc), many of them would either attempt to nurture their new found friend or poach what they perceived to be a very desirable mate. He thrived on this and had numerous affairs. When confronted, his reply to my Mum was that he couldn't help it if women found him attractive.

When their marriage hit rock bottom, my parents tried to get help. My biological father went to one of the best psychiatrists in Scotland who specialised in dealing with high achievers who had problems. He picked up on his narcissistic traits but not his autistic ones (this was before AS/HFA existed as diagnostic terms). My biological father accepted his diagnosis but refused to accept treatment, claiming that he'd fixed the problems himself. When my parents finally separated, he was confident that my Mother wouldn't be able to live without him. In fact she thrived, struck up a relationship with my step Dad and he moved in with us. My biological father, a consultant geologist, did not like the idea of being replaced by a lowly joiner! Although it was hard at first, my step-Dad was a very loving father to me and my brother from the word go. We already knew him well so looking back now it was quite a natural transition. I now consider him to be my real Dad and love him deeply (I wish he was my biological father). Unfortunately the social worker who tried to help us during the divorce lived by the mantra "children need both parents" and convinced my Mum to let my biological father have access to me and my brother every Wednesday and every other weekend.

My biological father had several girlfriends and eventually married one. I actually liked her a lot. We shared some interests and I found her interesting to talk to. I also got on quite well with her daughter. However, as soon as she married my biological father she turned on me and my brother big time. Initially she focused on me. She'd take every opportunity to berate me; I was forbidden from sitting on the good furniture in case I contaminated it (I had mild psoriasis); in winter I'd be sent to the coldest room in the house to do my homework even when warmer ones were empty; I was forbidden to anyone outside the family when I was with them; I was banned from helping in the garden or house; any toys I liked to play with would vanish; I had to brush my hair outside (psoriasis), this list could go on. I thought I was somehow being bad and tried really hard to be good, but to no avail. Eventually I spoke to my Mum about this, she was livid, and she told me to explain the situation to my biological father, who had been telling me to stop annoying his wife. I begged him to intervene but his only response was some scripted bull***t: he loved me and my Brother more than his wife and that we'd always come first (because, you know, you can't love BOTH your wife and kids, oh no). He never said anything whatsoever to her, even although he regularly watched her shout at me until I cried.

I eventually stopped seeing him and told him that I'd see him if he'd see me away from his wife (this could be easily arranged, he regularly visited the town I lived in on business) and that I'd come back if I believed he'd sorted things out with his wife. I received two letters telling me what wonderful things I was missing by not coming to see him and then never heard from him again. My brother stopped seeing him shortly after as when I left he received the same treatment as I had. Years later as an adult, my brother went to his village to see him and was turned away from his door like a beggar. When I was 18 I changed my name so I don't have to carry his. As far as I'm concerned I've disowned him and want nothing more to do with him. Since she's learned he's probably autistic my Mum feels a bit of sympathy for him, but I don't. He's very high functioning, had everything pointed out to him repeatedly and had every opportunity to get help and either stop my step mother bullying me or see me on my terms. Getting him out of my life hurt at first but looking back on it, it was a huge relief. I was nothing to him, he's nothing to me. Simple.

I don't bother associating with my brother. He's unstable so he doesn't know where I live - my sister and mom wouldn't tell him. I also don't interact much with my stepmother for ten thousand reasons. Oh, and there are some aunts I don't have any interaction with but that's a family wide thing, not just me. I just got caught in the middle. My dad disowned my sister for a while.

This post makes my family sound awful, but it's not though. I'm very close to some of them.

my folks--while unable to really understand my life with Autism( or more specifically my Dad being in that situation, as my mom passed on long before I ever really understood it)-- I have no real issue with in terms of the situation.

His family on the other hand is a totally different story. He told his "stepford wives" like family about my Autism( why, I don't really understand, as he barely seems to understand it himself), and they thought I was "severely crippled, and needed loads of counseling".

It's worth noting they're not exactly fond of me as it is, regardless.

Oh, I knocked heads with both my folks growing up and thought I hated them and thought they hated me and threatened to run away and fantasized about the day I could survive on my own and never speak to them again (my sister was too much younger than me to even figure into the situation).

Then I grew up, moved out, started living my own life and began to realize that a lot of the things I had argued so passionately with my parents were either meaningless, or for my own good in the first place. Some of the things they had stressed as important that I'd thought were dumb, really were important.

Then I started raising kids myself and lo and behold, I realized very quickly my parents had always been a lot smarter than I'd ever given them credit for, and certainly made a lot fewer major mistakes than I did. I found myself defending things I used to argue against, and saying word-for-word many of the same phrases that seemed corny to me as a teenager, because they had turned out to be absolutely true.

Then I discovered I had AS and began to realize that a lot of the things that had frustrated me so much as a youth had nothing to do with my family, but with my own natural inability to understand and conform to everybody else's world. They were never imposing things on me because they disliked me or wanted to beat me into submission. They were just telling me the way things really were and I couldn't (or wouldn't) see it.

I am mad at my immediate family for never getting over the denial phase of my condition and it's hard for me to look up to them the same way I did as a kid, but I don't hate them or disown them. After all, they are offering me housing and financial support. I know they mean well (at least my parents, though I'm not 100% sure about my sister), and I feel guilty about all the times that I have complained about them on WP. If I knew a way to get over or deal with the past, I wouldn't complain as much.

Not family, but a couple who are close friends. In fact, the man is my daughter's Godfather. While aware of my daughter's autism, they have insisted if we don't discipline her better (that is, make her behave like a "normal," neurotypical child), they want us to leave her at home the next time we see them. Our child comes first, under any and all circumstances. So if an apology is not following soon, then we'll be voluntarily out of a couple friends.

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer

I've never disowened anybody in my family.

This sums it up for me. They were abusive physically and mentally and very cruel, mean people. For an NT kid it would have been tough but for me it was way past tough. I blamed myself for never being good enough as young as I can remember and that led to multiple suicide attempts when I was a teen.

At 16 I ran away and was found and returned, at 17 I ran away for good. I have nothing to do with any of them.

At least I have finally been able to understand how really sick they are and that it's not just me.

I have to say I've often felt envy (sorry but it's true) when I see stories like Temple Grandin's or other people who are very supportive and nurturing and stand behind their child no matter what. I have always wondered what that would be like and how it would have helped me if I'd had it.

Instead I went off into the world and married and had kids and did everything on our own - no family to ask for help from, no friends, no relatives of any kind. We always kept to ourselves and I learned a great deal from books and from experimentation.

I've known people who have a big support unit of family and relatives - they always have babysitters and get good advice and always have a male relative who works on their car for free, etc. I think those people have an easier path in life than when you have to recreate the wheel with each and every situation that comes up.