needing a clear invitation. Is this an aspie thing?

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I know I have trouble reading people but I'm trying to come up with concrete examples so that I can go to my therapist with it. One example I've realized is that when I'm in a group of people and they all decide to go somewhere, the group just goes without really saying ok, "John, Susan and Heather, you're invited", the group just goes. On the few occasions where I could get myself to hang out with a group, I would need a firm invitation to these outings. I was in a class of 13 people and we did things together. One classmate had a halloween party and I must have asked the girl I was closest with five times "Are you sure I'm invited?" Because no one flat out said "Dots, will you come to my party?" It seemed to be an unspoken thing that it was for the entire class, which I was considered part of even if I didn't feel it.

Or say, one of them was holding a get together at their house. The girl I was closest with told me to come. However, since the owner of the house the get-together was being held at never asked me, I need to ask several times "Are you sure it's ok with so and so if I come?"

My friend is used to this by now. I seem to need concrete rules or clear invitations to know whether I'm welcome or included.

I'm kind of the same way. I like something to be directed at me when it comes to that so I'll know the intent is for me to be there. The word "invited" doesn't need to be used but something like: "You're coming aren't you?" or "Why don't you go/come with us?" or "C'mon, let's go to_____ and have a few beers", or whatever will suffice just fine and doesn't sound as dweebish as a formal sounding invitation.

I won't go half the time if there is a clear invitation, but if there's not I can't help but feel there's a reason why no one specified that they desired my presence and that just showing up would be an imposition. I get annoyed if I invite someone to do something and they bring a friend along without warning me, so I assume others feel the same way. Besides, I never really feel a part of any group, even when I know I'm supposed to. I guess I've been the odd man out for so long, that's pretty much what I see as my place - the shadow on the wall.

While I can't relate to the whole invite scenario I DO need to be told do X. I'm sadly expected to do X without being told. I still don't understand this concept go figure! LOL!

I was taught as a girl that it was abominably rude to invite one's self along on other people's outings, so I always wait for a clear invitation. My mother always said that if a person's company was wanted, the person would be invited. My daughter tells me that the rules have changed, though, and people are now expected to invite themselves along if the rest of the group is going somewhere. I still can't bring myself to do it, though.

The examples given seem more like a self-esteem thing than a spectrum thing to me. I'm the same - when a colleague walks into the office and asks if anyone wants to come out for lunch, I don't feel included in the invitation. For me at least it just stems from a worry that I'd be unwanted for some reason, and I need the reassurance of a direct invitation to feel comfortable about going.

Me too, Dots. Sometimes people get exasperated with me, because they think I'm being condescending or something. But I'm not. Showing up uninvited would be a nightmare!

I'm the same way. I was at a friends grad party a while back - a bonfire in her back yard. I'd never been to her house before, so I waited for some others to show up before I walked onto the property.

Yessss. I always seek reassurance, because i'm never sure what people really mean unless they spell it out. They even noted this back when i took that IQ test and everything, that I always asked for clarification to make sure i understood. Some might interpret that as stemming from low self-esteem, and just not being sure of yourself.. But i see it as just making sure i know what other people mean, because i'm not always sure and can sometimes misinterpret it. Sometimes i think i know what's going on, but ask just to make sure i'm not misinterpreting it.. But then sometimes i really have no idea. It's not about me doubting myself so much as me not being sure what other people mean.

no

I would have to be invited too. I know sometimes when someone is talking in a group about their party they are having they may mean that everyone present at the time is invited, but that is not so clear to me. I would need to be told.

That's interesting that it could be a self-esteem thing. That could be true with myself. I think for me it's a blend of self-esteem and just not understanding the rules of social groups without them being spelled out to the letter.

I never fit in with people, and I'm never part of the conversations people have - so I assume when they have a general "Let's go out" it doesn't include me, unless they specifically tell me.

Oh god, I never even thought of that... I forgot I used to be like that ahaha.
I had so much trouble with those situations. God, I actually stayed behind as people walked away from me more times than I could count.
I think I eventually learned when I was 15ish because one of my friends asked me why I "never hung out with them." I explained, "it's because you never invite me," citing times when the group of them would talk about going to get ice cream and they'd all just walk away. He then said I didn't need an invitation, and I was supposed to come along...

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