Ever forced yourself to improve to help someone else?

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LK
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 137
Location: Texas, near Houston

05 May 2010, 12:55 pm

I have asperger's syndrome and have been tutoring a young man with asperger's syndrome for about seven months now. I help him take notes in class, explain what he has difficulty in understanding, and I help him with homework after school.

He is an college ESL student, and it can be very difficult for him to understand or convey ideas because he can not rely on body language in the way most of the other ESL students do. When I first met him, he seemed bright but extremely isolated and without interest in anyone around him. I had to translate everything he said for his teachers. (Not from one language to another. I had to translate his English to his teachers because his body language and facial expressions, or lack thereof, confused them. He also did not like talking to anyone other than me in the classroom.)

After a few months, I noticed he was paying attention to and copying me. It was little things, but they were major to me. First, I noticed he was pointing out my bag or water bottle if he thought I was forgetting it. Then, he started doing things I did. Example: He used to always get the same candy bar, out of the same machine, at the same time of day. If they did not have his brand of candy bar, he would become upset. One day I got a candy bar that was different from the one he got, and he took note of it. The next day he got a twix, like I did. Since then, he has been varying his candy choices. Now, if they don't have his favourite, he just gets something else without complaint.

I am not expressive, I like routine, I do not enjoy excess chit chat, and I prefer less interaction to more. However, I wanted to see him improve. I forced myself to not only say "good morning" to him every day, but also to say "good morning" with a smile to his classmates. I am still fairly strict on routine, but I purposefully keep my behavior from being too predictable so he will have to adjust a little, and realize other people do not always do everything the exact same way. I also make chit chat with him as much as I can without driving us both crazy. I make sure I do not lecture much, and I do not always let him either. I try to make it a two way conversation as much as possible.
Since working on my behavior to influence his, he has improved dramatically. He is more outgoing, his speech is clearer, he can talk to people without me needing to explain what he is saying, and he even seems more confident. Sometimes I forget to say "good morning" and his greeting reminds me.

I think I am starting to become more personable with everyone because of my changes for him. Regardless, seeing him improve is very rewarding in itself.

-end long story.

Has anyone else experienced a similar situation?


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While Mr. Kim... has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me.
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rmgh
Veteran
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Joined: 14 Dec 2009
Age: 34
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05 May 2010, 1:48 pm

No, but I just wanted to say what a wonderful story that was. That's really good that you have been able to help him so much more than simply just his work. He should be very thankful of your assistance and, by the sounds of it, so should you be of you both because of what you've personally gained out of it, too. :D



Epilefftic
Deinonychus
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Joined: 27 Apr 2010
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Location: Long Island, NY, USA

05 May 2010, 9:40 pm

That's a beautiful story. I wish more people were willing to take the time to help others. Kharma always makes a full swing around, and you will be rewarded with interest.

Personally, I get extremely frustrated whenever I am unable to help someone. In High School I once taught myself statistics because my cousin was failing it in college. Long story short, she passed and guess what class I was forced to take freshman year?