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Moondust
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14 Sep 2012, 2:22 pm

How good are you at interpreting that which is not being said but that you're supposed to "get" from:

- the context (who, when, where, how)
- reading between the lines of what is actually being said
- imagining what people would normally be thinking in similar situations
- knowing the conventionally agreed-upon hidden meaning of certain expressions

Eg: "I don't know", if we apply the above 4 interpretation tools, can mean:

"I know, but I won't tell you because I am selective who I share that info with"
"I know, but I'm not 100% sure, and don't want to make a fool of myself".
"I don't know and don't care to know".
"I know but I could get in trouble with someone if I showed I know."
and many, many more.


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Underscore
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14 Sep 2012, 5:13 pm

Moondust wrote:
How good are you at interpreting that which is not being said but that you're supposed to "get" from:

- the context (who, when, where, how)
- reading between the lines of what is actually being said
- imagining what people would normally be thinking in similar situations
- knowing the conventionally agreed-upon hidden meaning of certain expressions


I don't know anything about these things. I just insist upon making the conversation go my way so that I can understand people correctly.

This thread is very confusing :P



btbnnyr
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14 Sep 2012, 5:17 pm

I don't interpret subtext at all. There is no subtext, only text, for me. Incoming and outgoing.



Plodder
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14 Sep 2012, 5:39 pm

Gah! I have a love/hate relationship with subtext. I can work out subtext very well in movies and literature because I know that it is bound to be there and is a deliberate device used to make things more complex, challenging, and sophisticated. Working out the subtext is enjoyable and easy, and nothing bad will happen if you don't spot some of it. However, when it comes to real life, I am usually terrified and bewildered by subtext. I am always straining to try and figure out what people really mean.

Why can't people SAY WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN?

If I ask an NT guest: "Are you hungry? Would you like me to make you something to eat?" They might say: "No thanks. I'm fine. I'm not really hungry."

If it were me saying that, I would be saying it because it was true. However, when an NT guest comes into my house and politely refuses a meal, they could actually be saying:

1. "No thanks, because I don't like the look of the food you are offering me and wish you would offer me something else instead but am too polite to say so."

2. "No thanks, because I am worried it would be putting you to too much trouble so I will just sit here and squirm while my tummy rumbles instead."

3. "No thanks, because I can't really stay for very long so although I am hungry, by refusing your offer of food I am actually trying to hint to you that I cannot stay for very long, and need to leave soon and go and eat my meal in my own house instead."

etc

etc

etc.

WHY DON'T THEY JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN? I'M NOT A MINDREADER! :twisted:

Basically, when NTs talk, they could mean anything at all. They never actually say what they are really thinking inside their heads (or very rarely, anyway). This is why just being in their company makes me get so terribly ill due to anxiety caused by trying to figure out what the stupid things are actually trying to say. I have to live like a hermit.

:?



Moondust
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14 Sep 2012, 5:58 pm

Most my problems with people are because I appear as oblivious, like I couldn't care less what they told me, when actually I'm deaf to subtext so I didn't get it.


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OCD_Angel
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14 Sep 2012, 6:00 pm

I think I can read subtext quite well, but it could just be paranoia. I have a tendency to consider every possible motive someone might have in saying something, and I do analyse body language and tone of speech. I've read a lot of body language books and articles so I kind of know what to look out for.

But I really do hate it that people never say what they think. It makes life so complicated and meaningless. We can't get on with the more important things in life because people spend all their time playing mind games with one other.



daydreamer84
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14 Sep 2012, 6:30 pm

I am very poor at reading subtext.



Moondust
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14 Sep 2012, 6:36 pm

Daydreamer, but then...when your boss calls you to their office, says just a couple sentences to you and expects you to understand a zillion things through just those few words and apply them to decisions you make at your job, how do you manage to not anger your boss by seeming rebellious / oblivious / indifferent / disrespectful?


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Wulfart
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14 Sep 2012, 6:40 pm

Uhhhh, wha? I'm horrible with trying to read subtext, used to drive my Ex nuts.that's one of the things that worrys me about starting a relationship



daydreamer84
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14 Sep 2012, 11:56 pm

Moondust wrote:
Daydreamer, but then...when your boss calls you to their office, says just a couple sentences to you and expects you to understand a zillion things through just those few words and apply them to decisions you make at your job, how do you manage to not anger your boss by seeming rebellious / oblivious / indifferent / disrespectful?


:lol: well......I don't work right now............but at my previous jobs, yes, yes they did, or at least they'd always get annoyed or angry with me or just didn't like me........but I could never figure out exactly why.................I'm sure I do a lot of other annoying things....but I'm sure missing subtext has been part of the problem.................



daydreamer84
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15 Sep 2012, 12:01 am

Moondust wrote:
Eg: "I don't know", if we apply the above 4 interpretation tools, can mean:

"I know, but I won't tell you because I am selective who I share that info with"
"I know, but I'm not 100% sure, and don't want to make a fool of myself".
"I don't know and don't care to know".
"I know but I could get in trouble with someone if I showed I know."
and many, many more.
I've gotten in "trouble" for this kind of thing in the past with family and friends.



SavageMessiah
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15 Sep 2012, 12:57 am

Although I hate people not saying what they mean and hate rejection as well, I have a sense of when "something is amiss". I am sensitive to changes in the feeling of the environment, and thus when I've been consequently "subtexted" out of someone's life. Furthermore, people tend to use additional subtexts as a weapon when they sense that one isn't getting the messages.

Collective subtexting is the worst! A simple example of this social cliques using inside jokes excessively in order to exclude "inferior" people from being part of the group. It effectively says "You could certainly never be a part of this group since you certainly will never be cool enough for us, since if you were you would've already been there when something extraordinary happened that only WE will understand and appreciate, which you could never do!"

And then there are individuals who speak in subtexts all the time - for me, there is no relationship there...


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Moondust
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15 Sep 2012, 1:24 am

SavageMessiah wrote:
people tend to use additional subtexts as a weapon when they sense that one isn't getting the messages.


Wow, I thought this had happened only to me!! I never mentioned it to anyone because I didn't think anyone would believe me. I've had people indeed get revenge for my aspie deafness by dishing me everything in subtext so I'd get totally lost.


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Theuniverseman
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15 Sep 2012, 9:49 am

I can barely catch sarcasm much less subtext, I cannot get away with any subtext myself, now that my wife knows that I'm an aspie I cannot even get away with a lie of omission, she'll be like, common honey is that really everything you have to tell me, I'm just glad that she does it for my own good because she really does love me and has my back, she's the only person on the planet who I can actually trust.


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Moondust
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16 Sep 2012, 6:18 am

I wonder why not getting subtext, which is an AS trait, gets such little attention here on WP... I wonder if most don't have a real problem with this or most don't even know they're missing the subtext. Maybe some think that what they're not getting is body language (the so-called nonverbals), when it's actually subtext?


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