22 Nov 2011, 8:57 am
22 Nov 2011, 9:19 am
YellowBanana
Veteran
Joined: 14 Feb 2011
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,032
Location: mostly, in my head.
22 Nov 2011, 9:24 am
22 Nov 2011, 9:33 am
Shadewraith wrote:
I could really use some support from someone who has had to tell a loved one about this.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
I barely mentioned AS to my partner, intending just to lead in to the general topic, and she diagnosed me with it on the spot herself and refuses to change her mind although I'm not even officially diagnosed at all (yet). For her I have AS and that's that, fact, end of story. She doesn't mind though
because we are both over 50 and have been together for years.
But seriously, your situation is totally different as there is the risk of autism in your potential children and she may worry about that. It sounds as though she must know about your difficulties, though, if you have been together so long, even if you didn't have a name for it. I don't think anyone here can judge how she will take the information, as we don't know you or her or the strength of your relationship.
22 Nov 2011, 10:06 am
22 Nov 2011, 10:10 am
Halligeninseln wrote:
Shadewraith wrote:
I could really use some support from someone who has had to tell a loved one about this.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
I barely mentioned AS to my partner, intending just to lead in to the general topic, and she diagnosed me with it on the spot herself and refuses to change her mind although I'm not even officially diagnosed at all (yet). For her I have AS and that's that, fact, end of story. She doesn't mind though
because we are both over 50 and have been together for years. But seriously, your situation is totally different as there is the risk of autism in your potential children and she may worry about that. It sounds as though she must know about your difficulties, though, if you have been together so long, even if you didn't have a name for it. I don't think anyone here can judge how she will take the information, as we don't know you or her or the strength of your relationship.
You speak of a "risk" of autism as if it were a bad thing.The only bad thing (of course this is merely my opinion) is if you have a child who remains undiagnosed and wonders for years who (s)he really is and why (s)he's so different from everybody. And if a kid is diagnosed, at least (s)he knows (s)he's not alone.
22 Nov 2011, 10:17 am
22 Nov 2011, 6:31 pm
SilverShoelaces wrote:
Halligeninseln wrote:
Shadewraith wrote:
I could really use some support from someone who has had to tell a loved one about this.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
I barely mentioned AS to my partner, intending just to lead in to the general topic, and she diagnosed me with it on the spot herself and refuses to change her mind although I'm not even officially diagnosed at all (yet). For her I have AS and that's that, fact, end of story. She doesn't mind though
because we are both over 50 and have been together for years. But seriously, your situation is totally different as there is the risk of autism in your potential children and she may worry about that. It sounds as though she must know about your difficulties, though, if you have been together so long, even if you didn't have a name for it. I don't think anyone here can judge how she will take the information, as we don't know you or her or the strength of your relationship.
You speak of a "risk" of autism as if it were a bad thing.The only bad thing (of course this is merely my opinion) is if you have a child who remains undiagnosed and wonders for years who (s)he really is and why (s)he's so different from everybody. And if a kid is diagnosed, at least (s)he knows (s)he's not alone.
I find being socially disfunctional a bad (ie inconvenient and frustrating) thing in myself, and most people with autism seem to have a tougher time in life than most people who don't have it. So in that sense it's a "risk".
aspie48
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,291
Location: up s**t creek with a fan as a paddle
22 Nov 2011, 6:52 pm
Shadewraith wrote:
I could really use some support from someone who has had to tell a loved one about this.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
My fiancée and I have been together almost three years and I just recently found out about having Asperger's a few weeks ago. I've been planning this conversation about ever since I was diagnosed. I even have notes written, so I'm not all over the place with my explanation. Still, I'm afraid that she won't understand and just walk out on our relationship.
She doesn't like the idea of me being on medication because I was addicted to the antidepressant Effexxor for years and I had a doctor who just wanted to keep me on it. That coupled with me being misdiagnosed for half of my life leaves her trust in psychologists lacking. The medications I have now aren't addictive, but I can't make her understand that. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. When I tell her my therapist helps me deal with the social aspect of my Asperger's (interactions, anger, depression, anhedonia) my psychiatrist (who is a savant in psychological diagnostics) knows exactly what's happening in my brain and sees things from a technical standpoint.
Now I have written down everything I need to tell her in the simplest way possible (I had my best friend and parents proof read it). It explains why I'm seeing two doctors, what each of my medications do and the effect they've had on me, the symptoms of Asperger's and why I never noticed these things before, and even how it can be used as a positive thing in my life, etc. I must seem like I'm rambling, but I'm terrified. I've never done well with confrontation and conflict, aside from within myself. I've only been here a few days and I've already found people who have experienced the same exact things I have. I hope I can get lucky with this topic as well.
If you've ever had to tell someone you felt would abandon you for having autism, please share your experience.
if she likes you she won't walk out. she will probably be like "ok that's interesting". if you act nervous she might think something else is wrong though. don't worry there are no meds for aspergers. if your doctor suggests any he is a quack and be sure to refuse them. tell your fiancee that and she will probably be happy
. but yeah at any rate i mean telling your fiancee you have AS is one of those things which is a big deal but an easy task if you know what i mean. the path is fairly straight forward. try to keep the conversation positive, she will take it better then. most reasonable people wouldn't break up with you over something like that anyway. to keep the conversation positive i would like cook a nice dinner and do all the chores really well that day so she sees the positives of being with you.
22 Nov 2011, 7:09 pm
aspie48 wrote:
don't worry there are no meds for aspergers. if your doctor suggests any he is a quack and be sure to refuse them.
This I really can't agree with completely. While there isn't a magic bullet for asperger's, medication does help manage some of my problems caused by it. I was put on medication for my ADD and another for both my low irritability tolerance and obsessions. Not only have I been able to focus on things like I've never been able to before, but I haven't seen from my explosive anger nor have I obsessed over the things I was before. But if he did try to give me a pill that tuned me into a social butterfly or gave me reading comprehension I'd have laughed in his face.
I do agree with everything else, though. I've always been an insecure person, so I'm trying to convince myself that that's where my apprehension is coming from. I am going to keep it positive by telling her why me being this way can actually help me be successful in life. Anyway, thank you
.
22 Nov 2011, 7:37 pm
aspie48
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,291
Location: up s**t creek with a fan as a paddle
22 Nov 2011, 8:17 pm
Shadewraith wrote:
aspie48 wrote:
don't worry there are no meds for aspergers. if your doctor suggests any he is a quack and be sure to refuse them.
This I really can't agree with completely. While there isn't a magic bullet for asperger's, medication does help manage some of my problems caused by it. I was put on medication for my ADD and another for both my low irritability tolerance and obsessions. Not only have I been able to focus on things like I've never been able to before, but I haven't seen from my explosive anger nor have I obsessed over the things I was before. But if he did try to give me a pill that tuned me into a social butterfly or gave me reading comprehension I'd have laughed in his face.
I do agree with everything else, though. I've always been an insecure person, so I'm trying to convince myself that that's where my apprehension is coming from. I am going to keep it positive by telling her why me being this way can actually help me be successful in life. Anyway, thank you
.John_Browning
Veteran
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,456
Location: The shooting range
23 Nov 2011, 4:11 am
23 Nov 2011, 3:04 pm
23 Nov 2011, 3:18 pm
23 Nov 2011, 3:18 pm
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